Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Boy, oh Boy! Doctor and nursery update...

So, I had to skip Money Monday yesterday. This week is too hectic for us. We are trying to get our nursery closer to completion, I am making my sister's baby shower invitations, we have every night this week booked with various engagements, we've got to replace Max's crib with his toddler crib and move his crib into Harry's room, and my house remains a dirty mess. As always.

Since we already have a boy, you would think there wouldn't be too much that we need for this one. However, there are still diapers and wipes, a rug for the room because it is hardwood, a changing table, a baby swing/papason (we borrowed one last time), a humidifier, shampoos and lotions, a booger sucker (Max popped the seam in our last one!), and new receiving blankets and burp cloths. We stained and wore the other ones out with Max! He loved his receiving blankets! Thank goodness we don't have to buy clothes! Having a baby is expensive no matter what!

And I've got to figure out how to work that dreaded breast pump again. I think I blocked it out because it tortured me.

We are also moving the rocking chair in Max's room into Harry's room, so we've got to find something to replace it for Max. He doesn't like to be rocked anymore, but he loves rocking himself and having his own chair in his room. We thought about getting him his own rocker, or maybe a little table and chairs where he can color and draw. Max's birthday is in August, so we've got to buy presents for him anyway. And throw him a birthday party when I am 2 weeks away from giving birth.

I need a money tree and my own wife.

My doctor's appointment went well yesterday. I am 28 1/2 weeks along, the baby's heartbeat was strong and he was measuring right on schedule. At my next appointment, we will be scheduling my c-section for early September, which I am very stoked about! I wouldn't go through labor again for any amount of money. Even though the c-section recovery process is long and unpleasant, I would still rather go through it again than 17 hours of labor and no pain relief. At least with a c-section, I will have good drugs.

I've gained 10 pounds, which is 7 pounds less than what I had gained by this time with Max. Most of my day is spent chasing a toddler and I no longer eat gluten, so it makes sense that I have gained less weight.

I was told by my doctor to take it easy from now on and lie down as much as possible because I am at a higher risk for early labor since I have a small frame and haven't gained much weight. So, I guess I'd better do that while my son takes his nap.

I will post a picture of my pregnant self soon and the nursery when we finish it. Hopefully, I can pick up Money Mondays again next week. Peace!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Welcome to my Nursery Nightmare

So, contrary to what they look like, the above are not pictures of Dante's fourth circle of hell.

They are pictures of what is now our office/junk room and what will be Harry's nursery.

Yikes. I know.

We've got a lot of work ahead of us, seeing that Harry is due in just 2 1/2 months. Where did the time go? Mentally, I feel like I am only about five months along. How did it go by so fast? I suppose it has something to do with the fact that I am usually busy trying to keep my almost 2-yr old from hitting our dog with a fireplace andiron or putting his artistic crayon touches on the furniture (too late for both of those things, by the way). My brain hasn't had time to prepare for this new addition to our family.

But finally, this week has signaled the beginning of the nursery remodel. We have moved the computer into the den and taken some of the room's homeless furniture to the Salvation Army (2 bookcases, a rolling computer chair, a computer desk) and I have re-located my scrapbooking supplies to the cabinets in the den, now complete with labels! And as of today, my mom has finished painting cars, trucks and airplanes on the nursery walls.

Next? Get the furniture in the room and clean out the closet of my husband's never-worn U2 concert t-shirts, empty video game boxes, now homeless computer desk supplies, a metal file cabinet, and tacky Japanese-ish garage sale paintings. Still got a long way to go. But, some progress is better than no progress, right?

Let's all hope I make it through this remodel without a COMPLETE hormonal smackdown. But if it's necessary? Oh, I'll do it. Watch out.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Week Two: Money Monday!

So, here we are again. Money Monday. However, until I get through the beginning of this book, these first few posts will be more about changing your way of thinking about lack and choosing better feeling thoughts.

Let's discuss emotional discomfort.

Pags 6, 7: Your emotional discomfort is a powerful indicator that something is very wrong...What is wrong is that you are out of harmony with your own [Inner] Being, with who-you-really-are...What is wrong is not something that is outside of you over which you have no control. What is wrong is within you - and you do have control.

Now, I don't know about you, but when I am feeling icky on the inside, I can feel hopeless, overwhelmed and out of control. Or depressed. Your Inner Being, or God, or Source, or whatever you choose to call it, only focuses on your value, your success, your health, your expansion, love. Therefore, when you feel bad, you are out of alignment with this powerful Being. I love knowing that if I change my way of thinking, I can turn that ickiness into something much better and become closer to who I am really supposed to be. And there is one point to remember:

Every subject is really two subjects.

For example:

Pages 14, 15:
Abundance/Absence of Abundance (Poverty)
I want more money/I don't have enough money
I want to buy that/I can't afford that
I want a new car/My car is old

Therefore, since every subject is really two subjects, then we can consciously decide to "pivot" our viewpoint to the positive side of the subject. This is called the (page 17) Process of Pivoting: When life seems to have you negatively oriented toward the lack of something you want, and when you make the statement, "I know what I do not want; what is it that I do want?" the answer to that question is summoned from within you, and in that very moment the beginning of a vibrational shift occurs. Pivoting is a powerful tool that will instantly improve your life.

I can vouch for this. Since I began reading this book a week or two ago, I have been practicing this statement. Whenever I think, "I hate my bathrooms but we can't afford it", I turn it around to "I want new, pretty, remodeled bathrooms", and then I concentrate on what it would be like to have those new bathrooms. And I instantly feel better. Or if I think, "We can't afford to get a new roof", I instead think, "I want a new roof for our house!" and then concentrate on how beautiful my house would look with a new roof. And I feel better.

The other day, I was devastated with some financial news. I cried for two days. Now, when I think about it, instead of feeling hopeless and overwhelmed, I block the negative worry and think, "I want more money" or "I want financial freedom" and I think about how that would feel amazing...and then I smile. I have found this tool to be extremely helpful in keeping my hopes up and keeping worry at bay.

Last night, I had incredible anxiety while lying in bed and I couldn't figure out why. So, I thought about it and came to the conclusion that on that particular day, I was feeling the exhaustion of all work and no play, no adult time and too much time spent day in and day out with a toddler, not enough time with my husband because of multiple jobs. I felt restless and unhappy when I went to bed. So, I thought, "I know what I don't want. Now, what do I want?" And instantly, my thoughts started rolling: "I want my husband to quit his second job. I want to have more fun. I want to laugh more. I want to spend more time together as a family. I want to spend more time with friends as a family." I began to think about how wonderful it will be the day we can do all of these things. The anxiety was soothed and I fell asleep.

So, what about you? What do you want?

Friday, June 18, 2010

I've lost my mind.

So, tonight when I was emptying the washing machine of my husband's shirts and putting them in the dryer, I reached into the machine and my hand touched something hard and plastic. I peered in and found...a sippy cup. A sippy cup, still full of apple juice, now nicely sanitized and clean of greasy fingerprints. I should have taken a picture for all my blogging friends, but I was in shock.

Now, I'm not sure if I put it in there or if my son did it. I'm hoping he did because I really don't want to think that I have completely and absolutely lost my mind. I know I'm pregnant, but this is ridiculous.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Continuation of yesterday's Money Monday or Wow! That's one charred tortilla!

So, here is the offending tortilla that almost burned my house down. As you can see, it is charred beyond recognition. It looks like a black hole on my countertop.

I didn't even smell the smoke billowing from the toaster oven and filling up my entire kitchen yesterday. When the toaster oven dinged, I walked into the kitchen and couldn't even see the toaster oven from across the room. There was so much smoke! It filled my entire house and now, even after a full day of opening the windows and doors, running the air conditioner on high, wiping down surfaces, burning candles, my house still smells like burned popcorn 24 hours later. Aye, yi, yi.

Anyway, to get back to the subject from yesterday: the book, Money and The Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness. Yesterday I mentioned one thing about myself that has kept me from attaining the financial freedom I desire:

I saw being wealthy as a negative situation (again, gasp!) and often said outloud: "I never want to be rich." Something I didn't mention in yesterday's post, you know, before Charro Tortilla dropped by, was that I often blamed other forces for our financial situation - not living human beings, but God, or the Universe, or Source Energy, or this-life karma, or past-life karma, or life lessons I needed to learn. Anything but myself or my husband.

Here are a couple of lines from the book:

Page 5: When you come to the place of openly condemning the financial success that you crave, not only can that financial success never come to you, but you are also forfeiting your God-given rights to your health and happiness as well.

Ouch. REALLY? All those times I said I thought wealth was an unnecesary burden, I was sabotaging my financial future. Great. However, now I can move forward, knowing our success is all up to us as individuals and how we choose to perceive money. It is a matter of clicking off my negative image of wealth. It will be tough, but I'm going to do everything I can to change it. In order to do it, I will have to come up with something I see as worthy that I can do with the money. Then, I won't see it as such a negative thing. Because realistically, I know we can live with very little possessions and enjoy a simplified life. My husband and I have been doing it for a long time. But, if I can find something that excites me that we can do with the money, I can change my attitude in time. I know it.

Page 6: When you give the credit or blame to another for your success or lack of it - you are powerless to make any change.

Now, this is an interesting statement. As a child, I was raised in the Christian church where everything good came from God and everything bad was a lesson meant to make you stronger and by no means was God's fault. God gave you good things and stood by you during the bad. God was in control at all times.

As an adult, while I still believe in God, I don't necessarily believe that everything good is a direct gift to me from God because I am special. I don't believe God gave me that good parking place yesterday at Hobby Lobby. Or caused me to stumble upon the orange juice that was on sale at the grocery store. I am grateful for those things, but I'm not convinced that any heavenly being caused them to happen to me. I would never say for sure one way or the other because I will never claim to know anything for sure about religion or spirituality. Religion is man-made and spirituality is still far beyond my egoistic brain's grasp and understanding. Anyway, my spiritual crisis will have to be reserved for another time.

Moving on, while I am not sure who to give credit for the good things in my life, or if no one but me and some good fortune deserve the credit, I have no problem blaming those same Beings for causing my grief. And that is a fault of my own. Sometimes...and I'm only going to say sometimes because my Leo pride will not allow me to say any more... but sometimes, I have trouble saying that I am at fault. Ouch! There. I said it. And if any of you tell my husband I said it, I will delete this post and deny it!!

So, after six pages of this book, I learned I need to work on my perception of wealth's worth and my acceptance of responsibility for my current situation. It will be a journey, but a worthwhile one. Anyone care to join me?

Monday, June 14, 2010

Week One: Money Mondays!

So, here we go. I am working to change my attitude about money and you can come along too!

I am reading the book, Money, and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health and Happiness. I will share what I learn here on Money Mondays! First, let me give you a little background. This post might be long so I applaud you if you read it all and give me some feedback!

As I said in my previous post about this (here), I have never cared much about money or having a lot of it. I used to see excessive amounts of money as something that complicates people's lives when I just wanted to live a simple one. I even almost saw being wealthy as a negative thing (gasp!). And as a result of this way of thinking, in my adult life, I have never had much money. Another reason being that, despite the fact that I have two bachelor's degrees, I'm not very good at earning it. As I have said before, I never had any career ambitions growing up. I just wanted to be a mommy, a wife, and a creator and patron of all things beautiful and spiritual. Relationships, family, emotions, art, literature, music, all things I cared about way more than making money.

But now, suddenly I care about having money. Why? Because I'm not alone in this life anymore. I have an almost 2-yr old son and another son due in September. And I don't ever want them to be without. And I no longer want to have to worry about how we will afford preschool, or birthday and Christmas presents, or the mortgage, or medical bills, because it takes precious attention away from my kids. I can't be everything to them that I could be if I am in a constant state of fear about money.

So, now that I care about having money, it eludes me. Ever since my husband lost his job last July (almost a year ago! I can't believe it!), it seems that we have had one financial crisis after another. Whether it be insurance problems (oh, don't get me started!), unexpected medical issues (miscarriage and trying to pay for prenatal care with crappy insurance), rent house disasters, broken car parts and appliances, and more, we have had our fair share this past year, all the while making a lot less money than before my husband lost his job. Therefore, I have spent the year concentrating on lack.

Lack of money, lack of time together (due to having to work multiple jobs), lack of energy, lack of fun, lack, lack, lack. And isn't it the same with everything that once you concentrate on the lack of something, it continues to be a lack?

Here is where this book steps in.

And here is where I step out because if you read my post here, then you know I have severe pregnant brain and I put a tortilla in the toaster oven about ten minutes ago, forgot about it, and now my house is totally filled with smoke. And apparently, my smoke alarm is dead. I will have to finish this post tomorrow. Sorry!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

The Pink Phone

So, I have a pink cell phone. I love my pink phone. It is Barbie pink.

My husband calls it "a pregnancy purchase" because I bought it two and a half years ago when I was six months pregnant with my first son.

I went to the cell phone company, fully planning on cancelling my account because I loathed this particular cell phone service. And then...like a beacon of heavenly light, shining bright in a display case, was the pink phone. I think there were tweeting cartoon birds flying in circles above it surrounded by a golden aura and lots of glitter. I couldn't resist. I had to have that pink phone.

So, I signed another two year contract just so I could have the pink phone. When I arrived home, my husband thought I had gone mad. He couldn't believe what I had done. All the bitching over the years about my cell phone service, and then I sign another contract just so I could have the pink phone.

Well, the pink phone and I have had a good run. It has spurned many comments from others who thought it was a toy phone. It has brought on many jabs from my husband. And I fully enjoyed every minute of my time with the Pepto Bismol-colored cell.

And now that I am six months pregnant again, I am saying good-bye to the Barbie pink flip phone. My contract is up again and my husband won't let me go by myself to cancel my service because of the possibility of me finding a yellow phone this time and renewing my contract (I just love yellow, don't you? It's such a happy summer color). I am switching to another cell provider and getting an updated, yet plain, black phone.

And although I still won't have internet on my phone like 90% of Americans, this phone has the capabilities of internet whenever we have the money for it. I've almost made it into the 2000's and out of the 1990's. Yay me.

P.S. Monday begins my Money Monday series. Maybe I'll learn something. Stay tuned!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

I am dumber than I've ever been. At least I hope I've never been this dumb.

So, yes, I am dumber than I have ever been.

Some people don't believe in pregnant brain, but I know all too well that it exists. All too well.

I don't think I was this dumb with my first pregnancy. Sure, I did some dumb things, like putting a box of macaroni and cheese in the dishwasher and putting boxes of cereal in the refrigerator. But I wasn't near as forgetful as I am this time. I chalk it up to being pregnant AND distracted by a wild toddler all day.

Some of the dumb things I've done in the last six months:

*I left my car windows down for two days while it rained and now my car smells like feet and mildew and wet dog.

*On a regular basis, I put wet clothes in the dryer and then never start the dryer. Then, I find the wet clothes 2 days later in said dryer, smelling like feet and mildew and wet dog.

*On a regular basis, I put detergent in the dishwasher and never start it.

*I leave the water running in the kitchen sink and then blame my husband for doing it.

*Every morning I re-heat my morning tea in the microwave and every afternoon I find it still in the microwave, cold and forgotten.

*I repeat myself in conversations. Sometimes I will repeat a thought in the same sentence I will repeat a thought.

*I can't remember my husband's answers to questions I just asked him two minutes ago.

*I went to dinner the other night and left my keys in my car. In the ignition. And left the car running (okay, I have to admit that I have done this one several times before I was pregnant. I once left it running for nine hours while I went to work. I would like to blame this one on pregnancy, but unfortunately, I can't.)

*By mid-afternoon, I can't remember if I brushed my teeth that morning.

*I can't remember to water my fern and my gerber daisies, so my husband ends up doing it. My daisies aren't looking too good.

*I forget to change my son's diapers. I will notice that his diaper is full, start to pick him up to change it, and then see something shiny and forget all about it until the pee soaks through his shorts onto the couch and I have to clean him up AND the couch.

*I forget to take showers. It will be a Wednesday and I will realize that I haven't taken a shower since Saturday. I forget that it is part of necessary hygiene. I chalk that up to never going anywhere besides the grocery store and the park.

So, I hope my smarts come back. It is exhausting being this dumb. Really it is.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Big Bucks, or just some bucks would do

So, after some rather disheartening financial news this weekend where I spent two days crying and having anxiety attacks, I decided it is time to start my Money Monday series. I need to change my attitude about money and I hope this is the book to help me do it: Money and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health and Happiness.

I will write about what I learn every Monday (as long as I can remember where I left my book) and hopefully this will help me put into practice the book's principles (as long as my son doesn't find my book first and use it as a bath toy).

Money has never been very important to me. My grandmother always told me to marry a man who was going to make money, but that just wasn't me. I knew I would marry for love whether he was a street sweeper or a millionaire.

Growing up, my family was middle-class. I grew up not wealthy, but not lacking anything either. When I became an independent adult, I had a job as a manager of a clothing store and I made enough money for me to pay my bills and have a little left over. When I got married, my husband and I also made just enough money to pay our bills and have a little left over. But, after we had our son, we decided that I should stay at home with him while my husband worked, which left us just being able to pay our bills.

Then, last year, my husband lost his job. Ever since then, we have been on a financial roller coaster that has cost us both many sleepless nights. For the first time in my life, I care about money.

Why? Because it isn't just me anymore.

I have a son. And another son on the way. And I never want my kids to be without. And I don't want to have to worry anymore about how we will provide the basics for them or how we will afford birthday presents and Christmas presents - the worry takes physical and emotional power away from me, which makes it impossible for me to give my children all of the attention they deserve. The worry distracts me, and frankly, it is pissing me off.

I want to be able to give my children all of me.

So, thus begins my new series, Money Mondays, and hopefully, a new attitude about the green, the moolah, the Benjamins, the dough, the bread, the bucks, the Gs, the dead presidents, the pesos, the change, the whatever you like to call it. I just want to call it "MINE!"

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The last Wordless Wednesday ... maybe

So, hopefully, this will be my last Wordless Wednesday. I say "hopefully" because if it is, that means I found some time to begin my new book, "What Do You Want for Your Children" and have started writing my new series, What Do You What For Your Children Wednesdays, on my blog.

I wanted to write this every Wednesday post to help me remember what I am reading about raising an emotionally healthy child and to hold me accountable for finishing the book. And I thought other mothers might benefit from it or find it interesting, as well.

Another series I would like to start is Money Mondays, the ideas stemming from another book I would like to find time to read. We will see if that happens. Maybe if I could train the dogs to feed my son snacks every afternoon, I could sneak in some reading time. And train them all to use the toilet. And pick up after themselves.

In the meantime, here are some pics of my son at his Aunt Alisha and Uncle Erik's house the other day. He had a great time going down the roller coaster in the cul de sac with daddy!