Friday, October 30, 2009

Nanny Dee! Chef Eureka! Mommy Chef! Calling all Mommies! I've got an eating challenge on my hands and it's called a Toddler!

I can't believe it! I won another award! Yippee! I received the Lemonade Stand award from Kathy at Strawberry Seeds! Thank you, Kathy! This award is for people who show attitude and gratitude in their blogs and I wish I could give it right back to Kathy. She shows amazing attitude and gratitude on her blog, despite a life full of curve balls. I am inspired by her and what she has to say. Please check her out and learn about her life of gratitude in the face of great adversity.

And now I have three awards to give out. I haven't had a chance to decide with this one, so I will wait and give them all out at the same time.

Until then, I said in my last post that I needed all you mommies and dads out there to help me. I'm not afraid to ask for it, so please help, help me Rhonda! Or Chef Eureka! Or Mommy Chef! Or Nanny Dee! Or anybody who has ever successfully fed their toddler.

My son is eating challenged. He is 14 months old and still won't eat much besides baby food. From a jar.

He has always had trouble in the pie hole department. Between the ages of 6- 10 months, anytime we introduced a food with a new texture to him, he choked and threw it up. I can't even count anymore how many times I cleaned up projectile vomit in those months. He threw up Rice mum-mums, puffs, stage 3 baby foods, anything with texture. Finally, we stopped trying to give him anything beyond stage 1 and 2 jarred baby food. Around 10 or 11 months, we were able to move on to stage 3 baby foods, puffs, and yogurt melts.

At 10 months, he stopped throwing things up and started spitting them out instead. At 14 months, we are still in this "spitting out" phase and I am at my wit's end trying to get him to eat anything besides smooshy, mushy, tasteless baby food. From a jar. And I have run out of ideas.

So, my cry to you is this: what did you feed your toddlers?

The problem with me is I am not much of a cook and I have strange eating patterns and eat differently than most. I eat breakfast and dinner, but lunch is just a continual grazing throughout the day. And we never eat fast food and rarely eat in restaurants. Plus, I can't eat gluten. So, I eat non-toddler type foods, like raw carrots and hummus. I don't eat sandwiches. I didn't have bread or eggs in the house until a friend suggested that I try giving him pieces of a grilled cheese sandwich or scrambled eggs. I never thought of a grilled cheese sandwich or scrambled eggs. That is how far gone I am.

So, any suggestions would be appreciated, no matter how simple they are because honestly, I probably haven't thought of them. But first, let me tell you what he will and won't eat to save you some time.

He WILL eat: crackers, cookies (duh), yogurt (his fave food), applesauce, grilled cheese sandwiches, toast, bananas, oatmeal, Veggie Booty rice puffs, mashed potatoes with gravy, American cheese, and that damned baby food. From a jar. He will even eat the veggie baby foods, as long as they are bland baby food. From a jar.

Things I have tried that he has SPIT out onto the floor like he was just forced to eat DOG TURDS: mac and cheese (he won't eat any pasta, actually), peanut butter, pb and honey sandwiches, beenie weenies, any steamed veggie (including carrots), mandarin oranges, scrambled eggs, lasagna, ravioli, ground turkey, ground beef, peas, baked beans, rice, kiwi, blackberries, peaches, and I'm sure there is more than I'm not remembering.

So, I will not be insulted if you suggest even the most basic item. Like I said, I didn't even think of grilled cheese sandwiches and scrambled eggs until a friend suggested them.

Thanks guys! I'm hoping to never, ever have to buy baby food for this little toddler AGAIN!!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Random Thoughts Wednesday, which was supposed to be Tuesday, but I had a toddler who barely napped, so what're you gonna do?

So, hey all!

Yes, this is my Random Thoughts Tuesday on Wednesday. During my son's almost non-existent nap yesterday, I could have either blogged or showered or mopped or eaten. Since Saturday was the last day I had gotten to shower, the shower won out. In and out, toddler woke up, no drying hair, so hair looked like Gilda Radner's in a Roseanne Roseannadanna skit. But, I will cherish those 45 minutes I had to myself.

So, my first bit of randomness is we tried the pumpkin patch thing again on Sunday with the same result. Screaming toddler. Frazzled parents. Lots of stares from other pumpkin patch pickers.

My husband and I even had a military-like plan this time: at arrival, jump out of car like life depended on it, yank stroller out of car and put toddler in immediately, leave toddler in stroller at all times, dodge other patrons and walk quickly to scarecrows and haystacks where we take pictures with lightening speed, grab a pumpkin and get the hell out.

Everything seemed to be going fine...our son was a little fussy but not bad...until my husband began to stray from the mission. He strayed from the plan. He decided to take our son out of the stroller for his picture with him. "No, No!" I screamed. "It's a mistake! Please, God, Noooooooo!!!"

But, he didn't listen.

The minute our son came out of that stroller, he was never going back in again. He screamed and wiggled to get down, he started crying. Why, hubby? Why?

Look how pissed our son is...

This is me with our son BEFORE he was removed from the stroller. Don't I look tired already?
Anyway, after my hubby's picture with him, I took our son to the car. My husband grabbed a big pumpkin and a baby pumpkin and paid for them...and then left the baby pumpkin on the counter. So, we got home with only one, lone pumpkin. Was it worth it? Nah, I don't think so.

So, second, I would like to say thanks for two awards I received recently!

I received the Over The Top award from ModernMom at How To Survive Life in the Suburbs!
Thank you sooooo much, ModernMom! This is a fun one.

I received this award a while back and have already filled out the meme that goes along with it, but my answers might be different on this day (as a matter of fact, my answers would probably be different any day of the week), so I'll do it again!


1. You Can Only Use One Word!
2. Pass this along to 5 of your favorite bloggers!
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!

I may cheat a little and use more than one word, but I'll try to stick to the rules...

1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Your hair? blondish
3. Your Mother? brave
4. Your Brother? non-existent
5. Your Favorite Food? gluten-free pizza (see, I said "hummus" last time)
6. Your Dream Last Night? forgettable
7. Your Favorite Drink? hot tea
8. Your dream/goal? stability
9. What room are you in? office/junk room
10. Your hobby? reading
11. Your fear? infertility
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? stress-free
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. Something that you aren’t? risky
15. Muffins? gluten-free
16. Wish list item? Oh my goodness, there is no way I can only use one word on this one. Uggs, new bathrooms, new robe, new pajamas, new slippers, pedicure, someone to paint my house, new closets, new boots, no endometriosis, no celiac disease, new cell phone, financial stability, a cozy bedroom design, etc, etc, etc. Really, I could fill this whole page.
17. Where did you grow up? Arkansas
18. Last thing you did? ate
19. What are you wearing? yoga-outfit
20. Your TV? off
21. Your pets? outside
22. Friends? important
23. Your life? challenging
24. Your mood? hopeful
25. Missing someone? sister
26. Vehicle? Hyundai
27. Something you’re not wearing? bra!!
28. Your favorite store? Barnes and Noble
29. Your favorite color? yellow
30. When was the last time you laughed? yesterday?
31. Last time you cried? Sunday
32. Your best friend? soulmate
33. One place that I go to over and over? Ozark Natural Foods
34. One person who emails me regularly? Oprah (I get her newsletter...I don't get emails from her personally...yet)
35. Favorite place to eat? Mom's

Speaking of Mom's, my Mom gave me the next award. She is Janie B. over at Life Not Wasted or Lost. Isnt' she sweet? Thanks, Mom!

With this award, I am supposed to tell you 7 things you may not know about me, so here goes!

1. As a kid, I had a dog named Frodo that my parents named after the character, Frodo, from The Hobbit.
2. I had a nose ring for about six months until my husband (at the time, he was my ex-boyfriend - long story) accidentally hit me in the nose with his elbow and ripped the hole just enough to where it became infected. I had to take it out at the George Strait concert I went to the following night.
3. I knew I would marry my husband after our first date and said so in my journal. It only took me five years to convince him, too!
4. I've had a poem published in the GSU Review. The poem was called The Pinwheel Kid.
5. I strongly believe in gay marriage rights and adoption rights. Children raised by homosexual couples are the most open-minded, non-judgmental, well-rounded children, who will grow up to be adults who are open-minded and non-judgmental. Now, don't you think we need more people in the world like that?
6. I have kept a journal for 23 years now.
7. The number 8 is my favorite number. I remember watching tv in my bedroom, wearing headphones because I was grounded from tv and I didn't want to get caught. The date was 08/08/88. I didn't get caught (until now, sorry Mom). Good number.

And third, this wasn't really random thoughts at all, was it? Maybe I should have called this post Random Items or Random Memos. Or Pumpkins and Awards. But, that's booooriiiing. Ah, well.

My son has awakened from his nap, so I've gotta skidaddle. I will pass these awards on in my next post, along with a desperate plea for help from all you genius mommies out there. Yes, I know, you are thinking, "She needs more help?" Yes, I need more help.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Today is what I like to call a "Fiasco"

Fiasco city in the house today.

Our poor pumpkin pickout day was disastrous.

It started with my son going swimming in our toilet.

My husband was apparently letting him roam around unsupervised for a moment this morning while I was at work. And it only takes a moment.

My hubs called me and said when he found our son, he was almost shoulder deep in the toilet, splashing around like our bathroom was a water park.

So, I said, "Make sure you give him a bath."

And he said, "Oh, it's cool. I rinsed him off."

What? You what? So, I said, "No, we poop in that toilet. Therefore, he needs a bath. With soap."

He reluctantly agreed. My husband is one of the those people (or he could be the only one) who believe that "rinsing it off" with water is the same as using soap. Does water have antibacterial properties that I'm not aware of? No? I didn't think so.

After work, we were going to take our son to get a pumpkin. We took him last year to this same pumpkin patch, we took pictures, and wanted to start a tradition. We had a small window of opportunity before his nap. Did we make it? What do you think? Of course not. There was a football game on TV that had to be watched first.

So, by the time we headed out, it was past my son's naptime and he was fussy. A prime example of this fussiness is when we got in the car, he started hitting himself over the head with a pair of maracas. Hard, plastic maracas. Naturally, this hurt so he started to cry. And then he did it again. On purpose.

As we pulled into the parking lot of the pumpkin patch (it's not really a pumpkin patch - it is a bunch of pumpkins on the front lawn of a church - but it is decorated and is actually a pretty cute little faux-patch), he was screaming in the backseat from his self-inflicted maraca beating. Not a good start.

I carried our little fuss-budget over to the pumpkins where he wiggled and jiggled to get down and walk. The problem is that when I put him down, he started darted down the rows of pumpkins like Elmo or DJ Lance Rock was at the other end. It was dangerous! I was afraid he would fall and hit his head on the corners of the pumpkin risers or get stabbed with a pumpkin stem. I mean, he is only 14 months old. The poor boy falls down 89 times a day when he is just walking. Running at his top speed is not recommended. Plus, the patch was packed with all kinds of pumpkin pickers. It was a really busy place!

But, alas, everytime I picked him up, he screamed at the top of his lungs to get back down. People were staring. My husband was getting visibly agitated. I was trying to laugh it off.

After several minutes of fighting, kicking and screaming, my husband said. "Let's just go."

So, I said, "But we are taking pictures and I took a shower today."

So, he said, "We can come back another time."

And I said, "But, I may not get to take a shower on that day and my hair looks good for once."

He said, "We've gotta go."

And I said, "But I'm wearing like my only cute autumn outfit."

But, alas, my child's screaming took over. I picked him up and carried him horizontally, like I might carry a two by four, him thrashing around like a possessed Chucky doll, and we returned to the car.

Pumpkinless. Pictureless.

So, one of my greatest fears is that I will raise a child who throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way. And I know it will be my fault because it is always the parent's fault, but I don't know what I would have done to make him that way. Lately, my son has been whining a lot and throwing tantrums.

So, my question to you all is this: Is this just a characteristic of toddlers, or am I inadvertently turning my child into a Nancy (you know, that little snot on Little House on the Prairie? She was such a b*tch!)?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Thursday Afternoon (Evening) Tea

Hey everybody! Let's have some tea.

First, I want to say thank you to everyone who gave me such wonderful words of encouragement after my last post. And thank you for sharing your stories. Technically, I know I am not alone. But emotionally, it feels like it. So, I appreciate hearing your specific stories - it reminds me that we are all in this crazy world together and none of us are ever alone.

Actually, just writing the post gave me a HUGE release. Just getting it out there in the Universe...spewing out my guts...made a big difference in how I am feeling today.

Thank you for listening to me.

Now, for some tea. Yum, yum, I love hot tea! One sugar or two? Honey?

Thursday Afternoon Tea was started by Richele at Under the Golden Apple Tree and I wanted to join in on the fun (it is actually nighttime, but we can have tea at night too, can't we?).

So, let's get to know one another. These are the questions to answer:

1) What color is your toothbrush? Gray and white!

2) Name one person who made you smile today. My son, Max. We were playing hide and seek under the coffee table.

3) What is your favorite candy bar? Do I have to have just one? I can't. I love Peanut M&M's, Reeses Peanut Butter cups, tootsie rolls, Hershey's kisses, Whatchamacallit (sp?), Snickers, and so many more. Now I'm craving chocolate! Great!

4) What is the last thing you said aloud? "Settle him down and we can talk about it afterwards."
(talking to my husband about putting my sleepy and grouchy son to bed - my husband was trying to tell me something while our son was crying in his lap because he was so sleepy)

5) What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Anything where the majority of the ingredients is chocolate. Rocky Road is delicious!

6) Ever go camping? Two or three times. I'm not particularly a fan.

7) Are you a cat person or a dog person? I like both, although we only have 2 dogs. Our dog, Meeko, isn't a cat dog.

8) What was the last thing you ate? Veggie Booty.

9) How long have you been blogging? Since February of this year, I think. It feels like I've been doing it forever, but it has only been nine months or so.

10) What or who is your inspiration for your blog? I started this blog to stay sane. I love to write, I love to be creative, and I needed this release to recapture some of my pre-marriage and mommy self. I NEED this. And I need all of you.

Thanks for reading! Talk to you all real soon!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

A dark place...scary

Before we enter this dark place, I will shed a little light on the day...I received two more awards today! Yippee Skippee! I received the One Lovely Blog Award from Mud Mama ! Thank you so much! I really appreciate receiving this award!

And I received the Best Blog Award from Christine at Christine's Corner! Thank you, Christine, for this award!

Now, we enter a dark, dark place. A place full of depressed visions, sickening voices, dread, sorrow, skeletons shaking in the closet, anxiety, and suffocation. Where is this place of gloom and doom? Why do we have to go there? Well, because I can't get away from it and if I have to go there everyday, then I'm taking you with me. Where?

My head.

Yes, folks I am living in a dark, dark place. I'm not sure exactly what people are talking about when they discuss the "dark night of the soul", but I think I am there. And it is lasting much longer than "a" night.

Those of you who have been reading my blog know what a tough summer I have had. Really, what a tough year I have had. It has been the worst year of my life, and this includes the year my parents got divorced, my sister almost died from pneumonia and my great-grandmother died on New Years Eve (this all happened in 1997).

I can't find the words to begin what I am feeling....hmmm...well, let me just start from the beginning. And by the way, I'm not afraid of sharing anything, nor am I ashamed. I've never been one to hide my feelings. Here we go, internet! This could be a long one, folks.

My father worked for the Department of Human Services for something like 30 years. By the time he retired, he was the head of our county's DHS. My sister and I would play in the DHS building as kids, running down the hallways, in and out of the offices, playing in the "big room" up front with all the chairs. We always entered in the back (the employee's entrance). Never once had I ever been in the front entrance. Until last Friday.

Last Friday, I had to stand in the English-speaking line, waiting for my turn to turn in forms, forms asking for state assistance for health insurance for our son. Never as a child, did I ever think that 30 years later, I would be standing in that "big room" up front with all the chairs (now I know what the room is for), not to play and have fun, but to ask for government assistance because my son's health depends on it and we can't afford health insurance.

It was a very humbling experience, not that I think I needed to be humbled anymore, but I am now even more humble than I was before. I think it has moved from humble to low self-esteem and depression. How did I get here? I'm 35 years old. How did I get here?

After my unexpected c-section last year, long recovery, and breastfeeding disasters, I suffered from post-partum depression for about 6 months. Just when the light was beginning to break through from that, we began having money problems, broken air conditioners (plural), I needed new tires, 2 of my husband's family members died, I found out I have celiac disease, my husband lost his job on the day of his uncle's wake, we went through 2 months of unemployment stress, I had a miscarriage, we discovered we can't afford health insurance for all three of us, and now we are back to money problems. Oh, and we also have to "skip" Christmas this year, which is more depressing than all of it. Luckily, we bought presents for our son back in July, so he is covered for Christmas presents. But, for the rest of my family and for each other, well, we can't do it this year.

My husband found a job in September making much less money than he was making before (and before we were barely makin' it as it was), but we are grateful he has found a job at least! This is really just scratching the surface of everything that has happened to us this year, but those are the biggest challenges.

My dark place is this: when does it end? When does it get any easier? When does God or the Universe or whoever is out there listening say enough is enough? I am at my breaking point. I've had it. I can't take any more stress, any more bad news, I don't need to be humbled any more than I already have been. I'm tired of crying. I want to laugh again.

My husband and I can't afford clothes for ourselves so we can't present ourselves to the world the way we want to be presented. I am angry all the time. The slightest thing will set me off (our poor dogs have beared the brunt of this, I'm afraid). I am more cynical and judgmental now of others. I'm pissed that I can no longer eat many convenience foods because of the gluten, I'm pissed that coffee makes me sick because I loooooove coffee. I'm pissed that I can't afford to fix up my house. I hate my bathrooms - they are the ugliest places on earth. I'm pissed that i can't afford anything besides food. My cell phone got shut off yesterday because we couldn't afford the bill (it is now turned back on - hallelujah - how would the DHS people get a hold of me?). I'm pissed. The TV shows I used to watch in the spring...well, when they started back up in the fall, I found them to be silly and not as funny as they used to be. I've been through too much in the last few months to appreciate the unrealistic nature of television comedies.

The two worst parts of it all are that 1) there is a piece of motherhood that is missing for me. I have had so many other things to worry about since my son was born that I have a disconnect from this experience called motherhood. There is a dam blocking my ability to fully be grateful and overwhelmed by this blessing. And it has nothing to do with my son. He is perfect and I love him more than life itself. Motherhood has made me very serious and all of our problems seem worse when I believe they could possibly affect him in a negative way. I want him to have so much, so many opportunities, a life that isn't riddled with financial stress and I fear we won't be able to give that life to him.

And 2), well, this year has seriously made me doubt that there is any kind of anybody listening out there in the Universe. I have done more praying than Job and not a thing has changed. I grew up going to church, being religious and all that. And, I've always been a very spiritual person. Spirituality is from where I drew my hope, my strength. Before last year, I could always, without a doubt or a problem, cheer myself up and turn things around. I was a super-duper positive person and I NEVER had bad days. Seriously. But this year has caused a serious rift in my spirituality and I so badly want it to be healed. But, I can't find my way. I feel alone.

On a positive note, my husband and I are closer than ever before. Tough times have a way of making us join forces and become a caring and supportive team for each other. We become the other's biggest fan. And let's face it, sometimes that gets lost in a marriage. But, all this distress has brought us closer than ever. And I am grateful for that.

So, somebody hit me. Somebody give me a swift kick in the ass. Shoot me some perspective. Tell me to get a life. I need to move past all of this. I need to get my groove back. Where is Stella when you need her? I think I have cried every day for a year. It is time for it all to end!!!

I wrote a petition to God, just like the one Elizabeth Gilbert writes in Eat, Pray, Love. By the way, if you haven't read that book, go buy it. Oprah was right. It is amazing! Anyway, here is my petition. You can sign my petition in the comments if you like...maybe He will listen to us in numbers! Thanks to all and I hope everybody is having a rock star week!

Dearest God/Universe,

This is a petition. A petition for You to please intervene in my financial situation, my spiritual drought, and my lack of purpose. Please intervene and take my husband and I toward financial abundance. Please intervene and help me find peace in spirituality. Please intervene and help me find my career path and life purpose. I am currently not contributing to the good of humanity being as miserable and depressed as I am. I am not being the best mommy I can be when I am worrying about money and wishing I had a marketable passion to call my own. My son did nothing to deserve a mommy who can't give her all. I don't want to inadvertently damage him in some way because of my misery, which in turn would damage others. Our stress and unhappiness are not contributing to the beauty and peace of this world as a whole. Our lack of finances is causing us to be burdens on others who have problems of their own. I never want to stand in that DHS office again. I never want to see that look of defeat on my husband's face again. And while we are at it, I do not believe I should have to use our few resources and those of a hospital to have surgery again in order to have a second child. I petition that You intervene and help me get pregnant without surgery. A lasting pregnancy with another healthy, beautiful child. Please intervene and take away my anger. Please intervene and help me find peace again.

My deepest regards and always yours truly,


Sunday, October 18, 2009

Pictures and Awards Ceremony!

Our computer is finally working. For now. Yippee! I want to send out a great big dyno-whoppin' "Thank you!" to Allyson at Pink Flip Flops and Wine for giving me her genius computer advice. My technology stunted brain says thank you very much!

As promised, here are some of the pictures from my Time Out for Theta Mom Thursday last week from the Brandi Carlisle and Amy Ray concert!

My sister, me and Liz

The talented Amy Ray from the Indigo Girls

Amy Ray (the pictures are dark...sorry)

Brandi Carlisle

And finally..drum roll please...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (that is a drum roll)....

my AWARDS CEREMONY!!!! It has taken Buddha-like patience for me to wait and wait until our computer was in full swing again so I could express my thanks and pass on these awards.

Now. I was given like nine awards in one month's time (2 of them I wrote about here and here) and I have been so pumped and stoked because of it. I feel like the luckiest blogger in the world to have people read my drivel and actually like it. However, a lot of these awards have rules, like how many people you are supposed to give them to in return and all of that. Frankly, most of you have received these awards before and I couldn't possibly read enough blogs to pass them on (I received the One Lovely Blog Award three times, which would be like 45 blogs I would have to reciprocate). So, I am throwing caution to the wind, throwing out the rules and doing it my own way. And, I encourage you to do the same. Pass these awards on...don't pass them on. I am giving them to you because I love your blog. Period. Sit back and enjoy.

And here we go (the anticipation is killing me!):

I received this award from One Chic Mommy at The Balancing Act of One Chic Mommy! Thank you so much Alicia! You guys should check out her latest blog is her "Question of The Week" and it is a good has definitely got me thinking!

I would like to pass this award on to:


I received this award from The Girl with the Flour in Her Hair at Peeling an Orange with a Screwdriver! Thank you so much! I had never seen this award before receiving it. The Girl with the Flour in Her Hair writes with the perfect mixture of heart and hilarious. Please check her out! Read the top right-hand section of her blog and find out why it is called Peeling an Orange with a Screwdriver! I think it is clever!

I would like to pass this award on to:


This award I received from Twenty-Something Momma at Ruminations of a Twenty-Something Momma! Thank you so much, Momma! Twenty-Something Momma is very friendly, too! Her blog has great giveaways, lots of adorable pictures and she is also full of the funny! Check her out!

And this award goes to.....


The Best Blog Award I received from Momma Such at Raising My 4 Sons AND Mrs. Blogalot! Thank you, gals! Momma Such has a great blog full of giveaways and thoughtful insights. Check out her Ochanga giveaway here. I am super-stoked about this giveaway! Mrs. Blogalot is one of my new favorites. She is funny funny and I love the layout of this blog!

I would like to pass this one on to:


And finally, I received the One Lovely Blog Award from Christine at Christine's Corner and Nanny Dee at New England Nanny! Thank you, lovely ladies! Christine's Corner is another one of my new favorites! She is thoughtful, kind-hearted, and chill. Please check her out! And Nanny Dee, well, what mommy doesn't need her? Her blog has great tips for parents of infants, toddlers, and preschoolers. I have looked at her blog many times to find information and creative tips! Very helpful, indeedy!

And the One Lovely Blog Award goes to....


I enjoy reading all of your blogs so much and thank you more than I can express for reading mine. You all give me another reason to get up in the morning by traveling with me through something I enjoy...BLOGGING! I appreciate it so much and I appreciate you all sharing your lives and stories with me. If we all stick together, we can't feel all alone.

I used the word "all" a lot in that last paragraph. Whew! It was ALL over the place!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Brandi Carlisle and Amy Ray vs. the Bully (i.e. Time Out for Theta Mom Thursday)

So, I was going to do my spectacular awards ceremony today with all the awards I have been given in the last month or so (nine in all, can you believe it? So stoked!), however, I thought our stupid computer was working again until I tried to pull up the internet and all I have is a local connection. And I can't figure out what is wrong. I can't download the pictures of all the awards and stuff. Soooo...once again, it will have to wait until my husband gets home from work and can fix it for me because I am computer language illiterate. I am once again on my mom's laptop. And once again, thank you Mom!

Instead, I will do the Time Out For Theta Mom Thursday! Yippee! I am a newbie to this one. I've read everyone else's on Thursdays and had hoped to be able to do my own someday and have something exciting to write about besides the one shower I get to take a week. Well, step aside shower story because Someday has arrived!

On Monday evening, I went to a concert! Not even a Wiggles concert, but one for ADULTS! I went to a local bar here in town called George's Majestic Lounge with my sister, Jill, and best friend, Liz, to see Brandi Carlisle and Amy Ray from the Indigo Girls! And I had TWO glasses of wine, which let's face it, in my twenties two glasses of wine would have been like lemonade to me, but these days, it is like drinking 5 vodka tonics. Anyway, last year, when I was about six months pregnant, I saw the Indigo Girls with my friend, Liz, and Brandi Carlisle opened for them. Both acts were absolutely amazing! This time, Amy Ray and her solo band opened for Brandi Carlisle.

The three of us stood up front the entire show. Well, actually, we tried to stand up front the entire show. But not all of us could. Why? Because of the bully.

We were to the right of the stage, right up front. Directly behind us was a tall, gigantic version of KD Lang who was VERY messed up and VERY protective of her girlfriend, who was standing next to us. She would put her arm around her girlfriend, practically falling on top of her shorter, Jewel-looking girlfriend, and block her from us, all the while pushing us further and further back with her giant elbow and staggering stance. Then, suddenly, she would disappear for a while only to show up a few minutes later and start pushing again. Um, hello, can't you see the wedding rings we are wearing? Whether we are married to a man or woman is irrelevant. We are taken and have no interest in your girlfriend.

The whole scenario got worse when Brandi Carlisle started to play. That gigantic girl must loooooooove her some Brandi Carlisle. She bullied her way in between the three of us and started inviting her friends who were in the back to come up front and stand next to her! So freaking rude. Eventually, my sister got separated from us and had to stand a few feet back. I wanted to slap that spiky flat top hair right off her head.

About halfway through Brandi's set, Liz felt ill in the tum-tum from too much brewski and I think my sister was tired of being squished in a passive-aggressive girl sandwich, so they went to the bar to sit. I, on the other hand, stayed and stood my little ground.

At some point, the bully left for a while, only to return more drunk and loud. She kept yelling things like, "Fuck yeah, dude!" and "Right on!" in my ear. I had had enough and the two glasses of wine I had were kicking in. I stepped in front of her and elbowed my way to the front up against the railing. I was proud of myself, although I don't even think she noticed. At one point, she was jumping up and down and fell on top of me. I don't think she noticed that, either.

Despite the bully, I had an amazing time! I did, however, regret the two glasses of wine the next morning when my son woke up at 7 am and I felt extremely nauseated with a pounding headache. One year olds don't sit still. Ever.

I have pictures from the evening, but like I said, I can' t download, I will add them to my next post! The picture at the top is one of my friend, Liz, and I from May.
A side note: I used to be able to drag pictures to wherever I wanted them on my blog page, but for some reason, blogspot is no longer letting me do that. So, if anyone can tell me how to move pictures around, I would greatly appreciate it. Otherwise, it will ever so slowly drive me crazy. And I don't need anything else to make me crazy...ask my husband.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Boo hoo hoo

Just a quick post.

Just have a little something to whine about.

Today I tried to wipe a hair away from around my eye.

Until I realized it wasn't going to go anywhere because it wasn't a hair.

It was a new crow's feet wrinkle.

One that came to join the ranks of soooo many others.

The reflection of myself in the mirror looking back at myself was embarrassed for myself.

Aye, yi, yi.

Friday, October 9, 2009

All The Single Mommies! Oh oh oh oh oh oh!

I know I said my next blog would be an awards ceremony, but I've got to give props to all the single mothers out there first. I've had a small, small taste of your world this week and to be perfectly frank, I don't know HOW YOU DO IT!!

My husband was out of town this entire week. He left Sunday and comes back tonight (finally!). He has left town before...just not for a whole week. It is usually three days at the most.

And I have to tell you...I was looking forward to this week alone. I actually enjoy alone time - even before I became a mother, I was fine being alone. I was looking forward to watching Project Runway in my jammies with no interruptions, eating soup for dinner (my husband thinks soup is pointless as a meal and I love it - it's coziness in a bowl!), reading blogs, writing blogs, keeping the house calm and collected (my husband is the fun one who gets my son and dogs riled up), keeping order and chaos to a minimum. And for the most part, I did okay. I did get to watch Project Runway, I did have soup for dinner twice, and I kept everyone and every dog pretty even tempered.

However, I thought I would have more alone time in the evenings and during Max's naps to blog and read and catch up on chores. I'm not sure where I got that deranged idea. I had no time. I haven't checked my blogs all week. I haven't written since Monday. I'm behind in laundry, dishes, I have clothes to hang and put away, I've only showered once all week, my face has broken out in zits (which hasn't happened in years), and I'm starving by 4 0'clock because I forget to eat after breakfast.

By the third evening, I started going to bed feeling a little bit defeated. And I had this unending sense of impending doom lurking around inside my head and chest. My shoulders and back have been aching from stress (well, and from carrying our 50 pound, all-muscle, bull terrier from the back door to the bathtub twice a day. It has been raining here all week and that barking battle axe gets MUUUUUDDY!), and I had nightmares again.

What I want to know from all you rock star single moms out there is how do you not just let your kids watch tv all day? On Tuesday, I let Max watch Sprout and Noggin most of the day so I could try to gain some chore momentum. And I felt guilty about it ALL DAY, too. I know I'm not supposed to let a one year old stare into the boob tube for an entire afternoon of Sesame Street, Blue's Clues, and Yo Gabba Gabba, but what other choice did I have? My house was starting to smell like wet dog and old cheese.

And what about those single moms (or dads!) who work outside of the home all day and then have to come home to clean and cook and give baths and do bedtime routines and all that jazz ALL BY THEMSELVES? I'm surprised you have showers at all. Someone should give you a million dollars. Or at least write you a song. "All the Single Mommies" should be Beyonce's next big hit.

So, to All the Single Mommies, All the Single Mommies, cheers to you. I have great respect and adoration for you. I am sincerely in awe of you. I even tear up a bit thinking about the same way I tear up when contestants lose a lot of weight on The Biggest Loser (that show reduces me to a blubbering mess every time). It is because I am very proud of you...your courage, your stamina, your discipline, your selflessness. I should never complain about my husband again (but you know I will) because at least I have someone else to take out the recycling (another thing I never did this week. Wait...maybe that is why my house smells like old cheese?).

Monday, October 5, 2009

Are you up to the Five Word Challenge?

Hello all!

Our computer still isn't working, but I am borrowing my mom's laptop (thanks, Mom!) so I can keep feeding my addiction.

On my mom's blog, Life Not Wasted Or Lost, she had a post about the five-word challenge. It is a deal where someone in the blogosphere sends you five words and you have to write a little sumthin' sumthin' about each word as it applies to your life. So, I signed up!

But, being that Janie B. is my mother and knows me very well, she gave me five words which have deep significance in my life and it will be very hard for me to keep each word to a paragraph. Again, thanks Mom! But, I am up for the challenge...

1. Motherhood

Yikes. That's a big one. All I ever wanted to be growing up was a mother. No career aspirations outside the realm of domestic goddess. I didn't get to be a wife or a mom until my thirties, therefore my twenties were somewhat torturous as I yearned for a settled life with a family. And having a child wasn't easy for me. We tried for 13 months before I finally went into surgery for three different kinds of endometriosis. My birth experience was brutal and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. And then I settled into post-partum depression for about six months. It was rough and a far, far cry from what I had imagined motherhood would be. Motherhood has been a well worth it challenge that has reduced me to screaming tears sometimes, but I wouldn' t have it any other way. It has left me emotionally raw with searing wounds that may never go away. However, none of this has stopped me from wanting to do it all over again! I can't imagine my life without my son. He is a dream come true.

2. Poetry

I have a love/hate relationship with poetry. In college, one of my bachelor's degrees was English with an emphasis in Creative Writing and Poetry. I wasn't half bad at it. It was also humbling and full of literature-type-I'm-better-than-you- know-it-alls who drove me crazy. I love poetry for its grace and metaphors and genius, and I hate it for the ache it gives me in my gut. Poetry gives me anxiety because people expect me to write it - I was good at it and was accepted into the master's program (although I turned it down). And it gives me anxiety because I wonder, "Should I be writing poetry just because I'm good at it? Even if I'm not drawn to it?" I love to read it, I hate feeling guilty because I'm not writing it. I don't yearn to write poetry. Therefore, I have a love/hate relationship with poetry. As soon as I can rid myself of the guilt of not writing poetry and disappointing everyone, then I can once again enjoy reading it.

3. Music

Love it. I've always been musical - I grew up playing the piano and was in Choir all through junior high and high school. I miss my piano - it is at my mother's house because we don't have room for it. Someday ... someday. I do yearn to play the piano. I was never a prodigy or anything, but I did enjoy playing. I took lessons for 12 years and stopped when I went to college. I'd like to take lessons again someday. For now, I get my music fix by singing to my son and listening to my faves, like the Indigo Girls, Stevie Wonder, Al Green, Brandi Carlisle, and Fleetwood Mac. I had my son's birth cards read when he was born by my friend, Marianne, and the cards said he would be musical, as well. Which is already true because he dances and moves his head around at the slightest note! My husband is also obsessed with music and can beat out the rhythm like a drum from almost any song.

4. Christmas

Love it. Obsessed with it. So is my sister. This is probably because our childhood Christmas's were so great. I love everything about it - cookies, carols, Christmas trees, ornaments, house lights, giving gifts, bright wrapping paper and pretty bows, decorations, hot chocolate, and the coziness of the whole month of December! I freak out over hearing Christmas carols when I go into retail stores and I listen to them in my car beginning in November. I also put my tree up the day after Thanksgiving. I would put it up sooner if my husband would let me. The ironic thing is that my sister and I both married men who grew up not celebrating Christmas. It was new to them and not exactly welcomed at first. But, once my husband celebrated his first Christmas with us and he received all those gifts, he started believing that Christmas isn't so bad after all. Bribery. It works every time.

5. Education

Love it. I got two bachelor's degrees in college because I love learning so much, one after highschool, and the other when I turned thirty! I have no doubts that I will probably get another degree at some point in my life, whether it be through correspondence or attending a university. I love to read almost anything and everything, including classic literature, fiction, memoirs, mystery, humorous books, textbooks, but excluding romance novels. Yuck. I would like to work in a school setting someday, although I don't think I want a classroom of my own. My ideal job in an ideal world would be to work in a library. Aaaaahhhh, I'd be in heaven

Well, that's the five word challenge! If you would like to do the five word challenge, just let me know in the comments and I will send you five different words, too! It's fun!

Stay tuned for my next entry which will be an awards ceremony!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Stick with me, kid

I am such a wanker.

I am suffering from blogging guilt.

I've only written two blog entries in two weeks, I haven't been able to keep up and comment on all the blogs I read, I've been given several awards which I haven't had time to acknowledge, or pass on. I'm a blogging wanker!!

And I will continue to be a wanker because our computer is on the fritz (I'm using my mother's laptop without the mouse, so everything takes me ten times longer) and we have no idea what is it's major malfunction. My husband's brother usually rushes to our computing rescue because when the computer breaks, I am like a toddler trying to drive a car - I just bang on the steering wheel and push buttons and scream a lot until I fall out of the seat exhausted and ready for a nap.

However, my husband's brother is working in Iraq. Soooooooooooo....back to blogging guilt.

My husband starts his new job next week, so I will surely have more alone time during my son's naps to write, acknowledge, pass on, and catch up on all the lovely blogs that sustain me throughout the week. On the laptop. Thanks, Mom.

And to everyone out there is the blogosphere: I miss you.

Please stick with me!