As my handful of readers may have noticed, I have been missing for a while. No blog entries.
It has been a horrible, no good, very bad month of July and I am glad today is the last day! Kick rocks down the road, July! Your outta here! If you don't want to read my mini- pity party, then I suggest you skip this one.
There is a line in an Indigo Girls song that says, "Every five years or so, I look back on my life and I have a good laugh."
I hope in five years I am laughing about this because right now, I don't find it very funny.
I have been emotionally exhausted, stressed out, sick to my stomach, riddled with anxiety and insomnia. I have been so distracted that I put a bag of frozen blueberries in the microwave instead of the freezer, I put dish detergent in the pots and pans cabinet, and one day, I actually spent two or three minutes looking for my cell phone WHILE I WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE ON IT!!
I can say with certain confidence that I snapped last night.
There is a little residual snappage left over this morning, but I am trying to let go of my fears and take it one day at a time.
The month started with the air conditioner in our rent house breaking (which of course we had to get fixed so our renters didn't melt in their beds), the air conditioner in my car broke (which of course we had to fix so our little Peanut didn't turn to peanut butter in the backseat in the 95 degree Arkansas heat), and we had to buy new tires for my car because they kept going flat and my steering wheel kept shaking like I was driving on a never-ending dirt road.
Things break, now we broke. No moneys.
Then, I found out my endometriosis is back and will have to have surgery again. Shortly afterwards, last week, my husband's cousin passed away. Then, our son got a sinus infection and has been fussy and sick for over two weeks now. Then, this week, my husband's uncle passed away.
And then yesterday, just when this no good month was almost over, my husband lost his job.
(Pause for sympathy)
His company cut his position, and a few others, due to economic cutbacks.
I had a complete breakdown yesterday after I found out. Total breakdown. I mean, seriously. WTF? Can we have something good happen to us, PLEASE??????
I lost it yesterday.
But, I'm comin' back around.
And a lot of it has to do with my husband and his attitude about the whole thing.
He has never been satisfied in this job because he didn't make much money, he is tired of living paycheck to paycheck, and he wasn't passionate about his work. I asked him last night if he was okay and he said, "Yes, losing my job has given me renewed faith in God."
I looked at him like he was crazy. I said, "What? Getting fired gave you renewed faith in God?"
We have both been feeling pretty abandoned by any kind of higher power lately. And his paycheck is our main source of income.
He said, "Yes, last night I got down on my hands and knees and prayed for help in finding a new job where I am happier and where we can have financial peace, and then today I got fired. God is telling me something."
So, here's to letting go of the past, letting go of expectations, being grateful for the future, and looking forward to a new beginning for us and a new job for my husband, whatever that job may be.
But... I'm not laughing yet. Although, on a lighter note, my 3-yr old nephew told me yesterday that he has a hot dog in his pants, which did provide a few seconds of comic relief.
Today is the last day of July. So far, nothing worse than my husband dropping his hair gel in the toilet has happened.
I think we're gonna be okay.