Gabba Gabba Hey!

As you all know, I am new to motherhood. I also watch my three-year old nephew twice a week. So, I am learning nursery rhymes and lullabies and have spent quite a bit of time looking on the internet for forgotten lyrics and poems from my childhood. I am exposed to cartoons again for the first time since I was a kid. I used to know everything there was to know about the Smurfs, Dungeons and Dragons, Monchichi, the Care Bears, the Snorks, Scooby Doo, the Flintstones and you get the picture.

But these days I am left wondering, what happened to all those cartoons and what is up with the new ones? I sometimes sit on the couch in a kind of trance, mesmerized by these new cartoons (or at least new to me), even when my son is napping and I have the option of actually watching adult TV without a child clawing at my neck or standing in front of the television, banging on the screen. Something fascinationg about these shows lures me in, loosening my grip on the remote (and ultimately, reality), and I end up leaving the channel on Sprout for hours.

My brain is turning to mush. I can no longer think of words like "chair" and "restaurant." I just say things like, "You know that thing that is in that place that we went to the other night." My husband looks at me, lost.

I no longer say, "Yes, that's right" in response to others. I say, "Right-a-rooni, Pos-i-tooni!" like Pinky Dinky Doo. I want to punch myself.

And, I am left with questions...many questions.

Like...

What in the heck are Hoobs? Why do they call kids "Tiddlypeeps"? And they call older people "Wrinkly peeps"?. That can't be politically correct.

Will there be permanent psychological damage if I let my son watch Yo Gabba Gabba?

And what is up with DJ Lance Rock and that hat? Did a stoner inspire the names of the creatures who live in his ghettoblaster (Brobee? It sounds like two stoners greeting each other at a party: "Brobeeeeeee...What's up, dude?") Did a Napoleon Dynamite-like teenager come up with those creatures (a blue-cat dragon? Is it a cragon? Or a drat?) And if someone thought YGG was a good idea for a children's show, how bad must the other show ideas have been to be turned down?

Where are Max and Ruby's parents?

Why are Caillou and Little Bill both bald?

Does anyone else have a teesy weensy tiny crush on Joe from Blue's Clue's? It's a sickness.

Is Thomas & Friends supposed to act like a sedative? Because if so, it works. So sleepy...can barely keep my eyes open...soothing voices...trains talking...am I dreaming...

Shouldn't Lazytown be rated "R" for disturbing characters and inappropriate craziness? That show scares the crap out of me. Ziggy reminds me of the homicidal doll, Chucky, and Robbie is creepier than Hannibal Lecter.

I don't even know what to say about that weird Wubbzy kid. Wow.

I have to admit...when I first was introduced to all these cartoons...back when I was still pregnant and my then 2-yr old nephew would watch them endlessly, I was perplexed and a little irritated by them. I couldn't figure out how some of them made it on the air.

But now, after almost two years of exposure, some of these shows are growing on me! Yikes!

I like Blue's Clue's, albeit only the ones with Joe. Steve makes me want to hit him or hold him down and brush his hair. I'm not sure which impulse would win.

I find myself slightly excited when Yo Gabba Gabba comes on (I told you my brain has turned to mush). DJ Lance Rock's orange jumpsuit is somewhat soothing and his big smile is contagious. I thought the episode with Jack Black was so funny that I saved it permanently on my DVR!!!

The kid's show I don't mind the most is, of course, Sesame Street. It reminds me of my childhood. Probably because some of the clips they show are from the '70's! Anyone else remember the pinball machine animation where the narrator counts, "12345 (pause) 6789 10 (pause) 11 12!" I saw it yesterday and was jolted back to my days of bad perms and purple corduroys.

I've got to get out more.