So, I know I said I wasn't going to think about any of my problems this weekend and blah, blah, blah, but really? I am a control freak and hate not having control over any of my current circumstances. I'm not too great at "going on faith" or "letting go and letting God." I hang on for dear life until my knuckles are white and bleeding.
So, last night, I decided to pray for guidance to come to me in my dreams, for God and the angels to guide me on whether or not to have my second endometriosis surgery or wait a few more months and keep trying to get pregnant...guidance for ideas on how I can be a work at home mommy and ease the financial burden on my husband...how to find affordable heath insurance...guidance on how to be peaceful and resilient...how to finally discover my life purpose.
And when I awoke this morning, ready to bask in my new knowledge, ready to interpret God's message from the night before, I lay in bed and thought about my dream.
And realized I don' t think God heard me right.
Because last night I dreamed I was having sex with a Chinese man because I was a polygamist and he was one of my three husbands.
That was the whole dream. That's it.
Unless my purpose is to hook it in the personals on Craig's List or move to Utah and marry into one of those Big Love-type families, then...
I definitely don't think God heard me right.