Something is different about today. I feel at peace. I'm not sure why... all signs point to today being a very frowny kind of day: it is raining outside, I've had a headache all day, my son has been fussy and has refused to take a nap all three times I have tried to put him down, I look like shit (sorry, it is the only word that describes my appearance today), my hair is greasy, I haven't brushed my teeth, I'm still wearing my baggy pajamas and it is almost 5 pm (self-care got kicked to the curb the day my son was born...I've got to reclaim that someday...), I gained two pounds in the month of January when I'm trying to LOSE my pregnancy weight... but somehow those things don't matter today the way they normally do.
Maybe it is because I saw my grandaddy in my son's face today. It is a facial expression he used to give my sister and I when we were kids... he would open his mouth wide and raise his eyebrows in mischief whenever he said something he thought was funny. I loved that playful face and I saw it in my son today when he looked up at me while playing with his Sesame Street toy on a blanket on the floor.
Or maybe it is because I spent a small portion of the afternoon, just a few minutes, thinking about how beautiful my mother's feet are to me. I stared at them a lot as a child, hoping my feet looked like hers someday. She has never had a pedicure, her toes were never painted with nail polish. They were, and still are, simple, honest feet.
Or perhaps it is a reason as pure as watching my son try to suck his thumb and drink from his bottle at the same time. A sight I find to be both amusing and angelic.
No, the extra pounds don't matter today, the fact that I am unrecognizable as my pre-mommy self doesn't matter today, or that I have laundry all over the kitchen floor, dishes in the sink, a brutally dirty bathtub, a bed covered in clothes, two dirty dogs, and music coming from my son's Sesame Street toy that makes me want to hang myself. Something is different about today. Whatever it is, I hope it sticks around. I like it.