Thursday, August 25, 2011

Hey, all you bad moms out there! This is for you! (but don't worry. It's okay! - apparently, I'm a bad mom,too)!

So, I was doing some blog browsing last night on my phone in between light saber fights with my 3-yr old, and I found a couple of blog posts that I felt to be quite irritating and stifling.

Internet blog wars aren't really my thang, so I won't mention the blogs. I'm not here to piss anyone off. I am positive these women writers are wonderful and kind ladies - I just don't agree with their antiquated ideas on motherhood and child-rearing. Oh, did I say antiquated? Was that judgmental? Oops. How careless of me.

Basically, both posts were these two womens' opinions on being a good, Christian parent and if you are one of the mothers who look forward to the time when your child goes to school in the morning or in the fall, then you are a terrible person who doesn't enjoy her children and you don't deserve to be a mother.

Does anyone else have a problem with this? These women are making sweeping generalizations about an entire population of mothers. And I believe it is sooooooo wrong to judge other mothers. Aren't we mothers supposed to stick together? When did it become wrong for a woman, a woman who is not just a mother but also a WOMAN, to need a little time to rejuvenate and recoup? When did it become wrong for a mother to not only play the role of mother, but also of a living, breathing woman with needs?

The women who wrote these posts have no idea of another mother's situation and how dare they make a mother feel even more guilty than she already does. Every mother struggles with guilt of some sort. Why would one mother want to make another one feel even worse? As one commenter of the post wrote, what if the mother has chronic pain or an aging parent to take care of? She may need the time to rest.

In my case, my husband works most of the time, so I am here with my children all day, every day, seven days a week. If my children are awake or home, I play with them. I'm not doing housework (anyone who comes to my house can attest to that). We play light sabers, play with action figures, finger paint, color, read books, play outside with the neighbors. I am not doing anything for "me". In addition, my 3 yr old has a sensory processing disorder and he, through no fault of his own, can be a challenge some days - he gets easily overstimulated, has texture issues, has night terrors, he is hyperactive, and can be aggressive.

Do I look forward to the time when my 3 yr old goes to preschool for that 3 hours in the morning, three days a week? You bet I do. Do I look forward to nap time? You bet I do. Not because I don't enjoy my children, but because I need that time to do laundry, dishes, mop, EAT, go to the bathroom, take a shower, talk to an adult on the phone, catch the news, pay a bill, go to the grocery store, wrap birthday presents, start dinner, maybe even get to shave my legs or maybe even SIT DOWN for once during the day. Does that make me a bad mom? Hell no. It actually makes me a better mom because I can recoup, accomplish, and keep from feeling overwhelmed.

What is wrong with needing some "me" time, again?

One of the posts actually said that we, as the older generation of women, need to encourage our young girls to be homemakers and not be whatever they want to be when they grow up. Really? Really? Is this a joke? One of the commenters of the post even said that as a good Christian mother, you are supposed to deny yourself and only do for others. That is what God wants.

I know that this is off subject, but this way of thinking makes me CRAZY.

And if I'm not mistaken, you aren't supposed to judge others as a good, Christian woman, either.

I am a homemaker, but if I had a daughter instead of sons, I would encourage her to reach for the stars. You want to be a stay at home mom? Great. You want to work corporate or be a research scientist? Great. You want to dress up like a princess and sing at children's birthday parties? Fantastic.

So again, all you moms out there, don't let the judgey moms make you feel like a bad mom. You're not. If you love your kids and let them feel that love everyday, then you are doing just fine.

And you know the question that these ladies might be surprised to know the answer to?

Do I look forward to the time when my son comes home from preschool or wakes up from his nap?

You bet I do. There's nothing better.


6 comments:

  1. Oh, I think I know the kind of blogs you're referring to.

    I think moms should nurture their children AND make themselves happy, fulfilled women.

    If that means dressing like Little House on the Prairie and homeschooling your fifteen offspring, then go for it.

    If that means you work fulltime, and your child goes to a great daycare, more power to you.

    If that means you stay home and do the best job that you can for your kids and your family, and spend a total of ten minutes reading a trashy novel while your kids sleep or go to preschool, then that's great too.

    I think the world is big enough for all of these approaches, and that if there is any judgment at all, let's judge by how happy and well-adjusted our children are when they venture into the real world.

    That's the bottom line - doing whatever we can, and using whatever resources we can, to raise healthy, happy kids.

    Don't you think it's interesting that FATHERS don't spend their time tearing other fathers down?

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  2. I guess I'm a bad mommy too and have been for 19 years,since I was always happy to wave by to my child as they got on the bus to go to school for the day....I could actually do housework,get groceries or even go pee without hearing MOM and people fighting every second of my life...how horrible of me.....

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  3. While I've always been the one who blubbers and cries at every single separation from my kids when they go back to school from the summer or even a holiday break, I certainly don't judge other moms for feeling differently! I'm glad not everyone is a big crying mess like me! I wish I handled it better, and the sad thing is that my kids are 21 and 23 and I still bawl. I'm pathetic.

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  4. Sing it, sista! As YOUR mom, I'm glad you understand this. Love you.

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  5. You are an awesome mom who is giving her sons 1,000% of your heart and soul....but even so you are only human and need a break...a bit of quiet time shall we say...a bit of time to hear yourself think adult thoughts!
    Keep on keeping on momma!

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I love your lovely thoughts...