Rice chips: A Lifetime on the Hips

So, I have celiac disease. I just recently discovered this after testing positive for the antibodies the body creates to counteract the toxic effect gluten has on my system. I could go further and have some kind of -scopy done to scrape the villi off the inside of my intestines (or maybe it is the colon) to confirm the diagnosis, but since that sounds horrid, degrading and generally unpleasant, I've taken the test at its word and have stopped eating gluten anyway. No need to stick anything in any orifice of my body.

Since the diagnosis, I feel loads better. No more stomach problems. Except, without my organic version of Frosted Mini-Wheats, I am lacking in the fiber department. Must eat more beans. However, after 15 years of misery, I think I have finally solved the puzzle. Yippee Skippee! One of my favorite gluten-free treats are rice chips. I love love love them dipped in hummus! I have been eating them like mad...like two times a day.

Back in Ocotober 2007, I stopped eating gluten, dairy and peanuts for a food allergy experiment. I wanted to see if a certain type of food had been my tummy's arch nemesis all along. I didn't end up discovering the allergy because I got pregnant about a month after I began and started eating everything in sight, regardless of what it contained. But, I did lose a few pounds.

When I found out I had to cut out gluten - this time for good, I thought, "Okay, this is going to be an adjustment, but hey, maybe I'll finally lose those last ten pounds of baby weight. Not a bad gig."

So, yesterday I was looking at myself in the mirror. Nothing good ever comes from this, I know. And I was studying my stomach. I looked awfully bloated. Is it time for my period? Nooo... Am I gassy? Nooo... What could it be? Sure, I had lasagna a couple of nights this week, but not five pounds worth. I stood up straight and tried to suck in but I couldn't. I have never not been able to suck it in. I layed down on my side. What was this glob coming from my abdomen that just flopped over onto the bed? Is that my stomach? Oh wretched day, how had I gained weight? What evil curse is this?

I decided to investigate. I pulled out my gluten-free snacks and studied all the labels. Cereals? Low fat. Breakfast bars? Low fat. Veggie Booty? Low fat. Fruit? Of course, low fat. Rice granola? Low fat. Rice chips? Rice chips? What the crap?

For every 10 rice chips, there is SEVEN frams of gat. I mean, grams of fat. That is how flustered I was when I found out. I probably ate 30 chips at each seating, sometimes twice a day! The rice chips alone were sending me about 42 grams of fat per day! That is more fat than I should have on a daily basis with all my meals and snacks included! I had assumed they would be low fat and never even read the label. I know. Ass out of u and me. But mostly me. Geez. So, almost everyday for a month, I have been eating those damn rice chips.

There is no way I would ever be able to eat just five chips, or even the whole 10 chip serving. No way. Now I have to find a new snack. Man! I used to look forward to eating those rice chips when my son went down for his nap. Max was sleeping, I was eating rice chips, and all was right with the world.

So long, my fat friends. Good-bye forever. I loved you in the short time we knew each other. Farewell. Ta-ta. Now it's time for so long (I've been watching too much Blue's Clue's).