What a Hassle

Those of you who know me had to know this post was coming eventually...

I belong to the school of thought that The View was way better when Rosie O'Donnell was host. Magazine sex survey discussions were kept to a minimum, Barbara's doddering interruptions were not as noticeable, and someone put Elisabeth Hasselbeck in her place.

I really can't emphasize enough how much I do not like Hasselbeck as a co-host on a television show. Sure, maybe she is a nice person outside of the TV walls. Maybe I could even hang out with her... talk about mommy stuff, gluten-free recipes (or as she calls them, "G-Free"! Cute.). But, I kind of doubt it. Eventually politics or religion would come up and we would start to argue, she would interrupt me and piss me off, then she would start doing that irritating thing where she doesn't listen at all to what anyone else has to say and she talks really fast so no one else could say anything even if they wanted to, I wouldn't be able to respect her, partly because I believe she is WRONG and ridiculous most of the time, and our courtship would end before I could try her G-free meat sauce.

I try not to watch The View because I know she will piss me off and make me hate myself for watching. But, I like Joy Behar most of the time and Whoopi makes some good points, so I dive in at 10 am almost every morning, then end up turning it off as soon as the Hassle (that's what I am calling her from now on) starts getting defensive, talking fast and interrupting her co-hosts. I can't take it.

She has no sense of humor. Her jokes are always cutesy, not funny, or inappropriate. They make me uncomfortable and embarrassed for her sometimes. Remember when the Madoff scandal first broke and people lost their life savings, their retirement, their livelihood? The ladies were discussing how these poor people could get revenge on Madoff, what they could do to feel better about their losses, or better yet, get their money back. I wanted to jump through the TV and slap the Hassle when she, while laughing, said something to the effect of, "Maybe they could put Madoff in a dunk tank and everyone could take turns dunking him!" Really? Really. I thought, did she just say that? I had to rewind my DVR to make sure I heard her right. Yes, Elisabeth, I'm sure that would make these people feel like justice was served. After all, dunking a grown man in a dunk tank would surely take away all the pain of losing your home, your savings, your child's college fund, and your retirement. Right? It was such an insensitive and boorish and offensive thing to say, especially while laughing. I see nothing funny in any of it.

When Joy cracks a joke that the Hassle might find tasteless or tacky, she never laughs. She just looks irritated and "better than." Pull the stick out and relax, Hassle.

She is a sneaky lass. When a guest comes on the show who doesn't buy into her ultra-conservative cowplop, she makes a jab at them and then keeps talking so they can't defend themselves. Childish and cowpie-ish, in my opinion.

She will also find fault in EVERY Democrat, NO MATTER the circumstance, the context, or behavior. A man or woman who is typically labeled as belonging to the democratic party could come on the show and say, "I think President Bush was a great president!" (no self-respecting democratic would EVER say that, but let's try really hard to pretend). And she would still find fault with his/her statement. I'm not sure what she would say because my brain doesn't function in close-minded gobblety-gook code, but she would come up with something.

Let me close by saying again, I'm sure she is a nice person. She probably gives her time or money to charity, I know she likes kids because she is having a third one, and I do relate to her in one way...she has celiac and so do I. I even bought her book, The G-Free Diet. It had some good information in it, some things I never would have thought about (like gluten-filled bread crumbs in the toaster contaminating your gluten-free bread), some clever ideas for kids with celiac...I wish she had included more recipes...it was a little too cutesy for me with all the G-Free talk and referring to spouses with celiac as GFGs (gluten-free gals or gluten-free guys) ... and it did kind of kill me to support her endeavors in any way, but I felt the need to back a fellow gluten-free girl.

I just had a horrible thought. Maybe I don't like her because she reminds me of the things I don't like about myself. Could that be true? Let's put that thought waaaayyy back in the back of my head and never think about it again. Okay, that's better.

Until tomorrow at 10 am.