where a woman shakes her tablecloth

Gourmet Gift Baskets for our Military!

2011-11-22T18:47:00.000-08:00

So, I know it has almost been a month since I last wrote a post. I've thought about lots of things I want to write about, but I'm pretty sure my kids are plotting to "off" me so I've basically been running for my life. I'm a sitting duck if I'm sitting at the computer.

But, I thought this was important enough to risk my life and write about.

For the last few years, I have entered every giveaway I can find for Gourmet Gift Baskets. I have never won and therefore, I have never tried their products.

BUT!

This wonderful company is giving away TWO care packages to soldiers at a military base for every blog review of their Christmas Gifts selection.

So, I thought, Why not?

Please visit their site and view all the fabulous items. My personal favorite is the Christmas Chocolates Gift Basket - Deluxe because I am addicted to chocolate.

Doesn't that look fabulous?

These baskets would be GREAT gifts for extended family and friends! And who wouldn't want to support a company that is so generous?

Oh, Dream Weaver, I believe we can reach the morning light, but I'm gonna feel funky the rest of the day

2011-10-31T08:44:00.000-07:00

So, some of my earliest memories are of nightmares I had as a child.

We all have nightmares from time to time, but during my childhood and my twenties, my nightmares were worse than most movies I've seen. When I was very young, the nightmares were innocent, more about monsters kidnapping my sister and I or a shark biting off my leg in a swimming pool than about pure evil. But as I grew older and learned more about sinister people and horrific circumstances, they became extremely violent, bloody and detailed. And they seemed to last all night long. Sometimes it could take me 30 minutes just to explain the whole dream to someone.

I can always remember my dreams and they are always in color, which made them all the more disturbing when I woke up.

When I turned 30, I began seeing a therapist (which everyone should do, in my opinion) - not about my nightmares, but just about living a better life in general. After seeing my therapist for a year and getting out everything I had wanted to say in my life but was too afraid to say, and discovering where my feelings of shame were coming from in the first place, the nightmares stopped. Immediately.

And I realized that I had all these horrid dreams my whole life because I never said what I really wanted to say. I never let myself believe that who I am is good enough. I wasn't living my truth. I was trying to be someone that I was never going to be, whether that person was a Metallica-loving goth girl or an aloof poet or a rebellious Indy rocker. I needed to just be me. And that is something I still struggle with everyday - being okay with me.

I completely stopped having nightmares for four years. Until I had kids.

As I have said before, being a parent of two little boys, one with sensory and hyperactivity issues, is sometimes quite overwhelming for me and quite exhausting. On top of that, my husband and I have had a rough few years financially, with other bumps along the way. I started having nightmares again when my first son was about 10 or 11 months old. My husband had just lost his job, I had a miscarriage, my husband lost 2 family members, and a few other things happened.

Now, my nightmares were back, but in a different way. No longer were they bloody and gory like a Clive Barker book, they were just sad or intense or frantic. I was always stressed out because of worrying about money, or Max's behavior, or his many therapy appointments, or Harry's seemingly constant illnesses. And I still have nightmares to this day.

I feel as if my husband and I have been running from one almost-tragedy to the next, barely escaping in tact, but always escaping at the last second, and trying to protect our sons at the same time. We haven't had a break to breathe in a long time. And that is where my nightmares come in.

I don't have them as often anymore because I have learned that life throws hard times at you and as long as I find a way to see it as a blessing in some way, then I can move on, almost unscathed, but stronger. I still panic, but my times of sheer panic are shorter and far between. I have learned that as long as we are still a family and my boys and husband are with me and we are all still laughing and unhurt, then what does the rest matter anyway?

But, I can't escape my dreams. And they always show me what I am truly feeling when consciously, I apparently have no idea.

This post is kinda long, so I will write about two of the dreams I've had lately tomorrow. I could write about this all day, but somebody has got to do my laundry. Unless someone else wants to volunteer. No? Okay, then I'd better go. I'm potty training and Max needs his Star Wars underwear.

Way to be there, Mom and Dad!

2011-10-26T12:19:00.001-07:00

So, we've had a couple of accidents in the Clark family. And no, I'm not talking about accidentally eating half a bag of Butterfinger minis this weekend. Total accident. I was distracted.

No, I am talking about Max and Harry. Nothing biggie big, but a couple of boo-boos.

Last Sunday, we had a block party in our neighborhood. Max was already tired because he had been playing with his cousins all afternoon. By the time the block party started at 4 pm, he was getting sleepy-clumsy and falling down a lot. He had several incidents where he fell and cried, which is completely unlike him, but he was T-I-R-E-D.

Then, the big one. He was chasing the older boys, who were riding their bikes, with a foam sword. Okay, it kinda sounds like he was being bad, but the older girls were also chasing the boys and the boys were laughing. Everyone was laughing. Until Max was crying.

I'm not sure what I was doing when Max fell because everything flew out of my head the moment I saw my little 3 yr old with blood pouring down the side of his face, sitting in the middle of the street screaming. I ran toward him while one of the older boys helped him stand up.

Apparently, from what we could get out of him, one of the girls accidentally ran into him with her bike and knocked him down. But, we still aren't sure if he hit his head on her bike or a rock, a stick, or what. And no kids were giving out any deets. I'm sure someone was afraid of getting in trouble. Little kids live in fear of getting in trouble and they weren't about to give up any information. You gotta survive out there on the playground, man. No one wants to be the rat.

Whatever it was gashed his forehead open and blood was pouring out everywhere like a mafia beating. Okay, it probably wasn't everywhere like a mafia beating, but it seemed like it to me at the time.

He needed stitches, but it was a Sunday evening and going to the ER would have been more traumatic for him than necessary. So, after a long battle with him screaming that he didn't want us to touch his head, we finally got him to let us close the wound with a butterfly closure by giving him a small bag of M&Ms to eat while we did it. And we gave him a special toy.

A toy that we had been saving for one of his big accomplishments, like total potty training or giving up the paci. We went ahead and gave it to him after we bandaged him up. The toy miraculously made him good as new! It was a Carbonite Freezing Chamber from the Empire Strikes Back. He loved it!

All better! His boo-boo looks great now and has healed up nicely!

The other accident happened when we went to St. Louis to visit my sister this past weekend. And it was Harry instead of Max. My sister has stairs in her house, but there is a baby gate in front of the stairs, which her daughter, who is almost the same age as Harry, has never even tried to move.

Well, enter my boys. After 2 days of being there, Harry figured out how to move the gate and while all us responsible adults were eating something (again, all details flew out of my head the moment I saw my 1 yr old tumble down the stairs - I can't even remember if it was breakfast, lunch or dinner), he climbed up to the fourth stair and stood up.

When I saw him, I let out a little scream and started to run over to the staircase. Harry saw me and gave me a huge look-what-I-just-did-mommy grin. Then, he took a step toward me, into the air, and tumbled down the stairs, landing on his neck between the first step and the baby gate.

Luckily, he was fine. The baby gate kept him from hitting the hard wood floor. There was just lots of crying and lots of mommy beating herself up for not being able to run faster and dive over a baby gate like a circus performer dives through a ring of fire.

I am hoping for a boo-boo free week this time. I don't need our little Obi Wan Kenobi or Kermit the Frog to be on crutches for Halloween!

"If it's too LOUD, then you're TOO OLD!" Okay, well then, I've been too old since birth.

2011-10-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

So, loud noise. It drives my son to put his hands over his ears and run the other direction. Or put his hands over his ears and scream. Or put his hands over his ears and cry. Or lash out. It is part of his sensory disorder.

But, you know, we all have sensory issues to some degree. Some people don't like the feeling of wool on their skin. Some people don't like slimy food textures, like mushrooms. Some people's senses don't work together efficiently in crowds and they become claustrophobic.

My sensory issue? Noise. Like Max, I can't handle noise.

When I was a child, I remember begging my mom not to turn on the vacuum cleaner because I couldn't handle the noise. And when she said she had to vacuum, I remember asking her to wait until I got to my bedroom and shut the door. I truly couldn't stand it. Just like Max.

I have never liked loud music (again, just like Max), so apparently I've been old since birth. Concerts and bands in bars have always been difficult for me to enjoy because of the volume. I sound like such a fuddy duddy, don't I? Well, I promise I am fun. Okay, at least I used to be fun before I had kids. (insert sigh) Now, fun for me is getting to go to the grocery store by myself and buying myself a treat, like a Dr. Pepper (gasp!) and a bag of peanut M&Ms (oh no! she didn't!), then sitting in my driveway in the dark like a psycho, eating my candy while hiding from my responsibilities.

Wait. That might have been too much information.

Anyway, construction sites and motorcycles give me anxiety and make my brain vibrate around in my head. Fingernails on a chalkboard and forks scraping plates make my teeth hurt.

I can't stand the sound of liquids pouring from one container to another, like when someone pours coffee out of the pot into a cup. I also can't stand the sound of ice rolling around in a cardboard cup, like fast food cups. Drives me nuts.

Now, I don't always notice these sounds - but if it is quiet, like in a movie theater, and someone is shaking the ice in their cup (my husband), then I want to rip off my irritated skin, jump up on my chair, and scream, "STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! YOU ARE RUINING THIS MOVIE FOR ME! STOP. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.!" That's not crazy, right?

My ideal job is in a library. Not just because I love literature and reading and libraries and bookstores are like my church, but because it is quiet. I live in a small house with two little boys and a very lively husband. There is a lot of hoopla going on in my house at all times and I am not a "hoopla" kind of gal. Chaos stresses me out and that is basically all my house is - just one rectangle of chaos. With siding.

I told my husband that I want to work in a library when the boys go to school and he said, "A library? Why? That would be so boring! It is soooooo quiet!" As soon as the word "quiet" fell from his lips, our 3 yr old ran through the kitchen trying to hit our dog with a light saber and our 1 yr old started crying because he got knocked over. And I said, "Exactly. It's quiet."

So, all this makes me wonder. How much of Max's sensory issues are an actual disorder and how much are just genetics? Or maybe I have a disorder? Actually, me having a disorder is pretty possible. It would explain a lot.

Yesterday's Wordless Wednesday

2011-10-06T06:00:00.000-07:00

So, okay, okay. I can't seem to get my not-so Wordless Wednesday posts up on an actual Wednesday, but I still have really cute pictures to share of my really cute family and my semi-cute dog. He would be a lot cuter if he didn't smell so bad. And if he didn't drink so much water and then vomit it all up on the carpet. I mean, come on. Know your limits.

Here we go:

Pig Sooie! Happy Hog fan!

My boys watching football while I did something else. Far, far away

Well, not too far away. I did take this picture.

Look at Steve and Max tilting their heads in the same direction. Those two are made from the same mold. Pretty precious.

Meeko wearing a t-shirt because his psychotic brain makes him scratch off his fur and leave it on my carpet.

The boys watching cartoons on the floor with all their blankets and all of the pillows off of all the beds in the house. Cozy! It was adorable for the 30 seconds that it lasted.

And, this is what happens when your 1-yr old refuses to take a nap all day - he falls asleep during dinner while eating his green beans and macaroni. And then wakes up in his crib 45 minutes later, crying and hungry, so you feed him a second time and then he doesn't fall asleep again until 10 pm.

And that was our week in pictures!

What is that white stuff around your mouth, son?

2011-09-28T09:19:00.000-07:00

So, a couple of evenings ago, my husband was outside with our 3 yr old son, Max, swinging in the backyard, while I was inside with our 1 yr old, Harry. Harry was behind me, playing with toys, while I sat at the computer and checked my email. I had just changed his diaper on the floor and now, he was playing with his cars. I was also in the middle of cooking dinner at the time and might have been a teensy bit distracted. Ahem.

When I stood up from my chair to check on dinner, Harry looked up at me from the floor with a huge grin on his face. A huge, white, grin. Something white was all over his mouth. I freaked out because I thought he had thrown up again (he had just gotten over a stomach bug a few days earlier).

"Oh no! Poor baby!", I said. And then I looked a little closer, looked at what was in his hand, realized it wasn't vomit, and then yelled, "What the? What is that? Oh no!"

It was Desitin. He had been sitting on the floor sucking on an open tube of Desitin. I had forgotten to put the lid back on when I changed his diaper. Yipes! Desitin was all over him, his mouth, his tongue, the carpet, the ottoman, his blanket.

I freaked out again, looked at the ingredients, called my husband from outside, looked for the number to poison control, and then decided to Google "my baby ate Desitin" quickly. I mean, this is what we do these days - we Google before we call poison control.

Afterwards, I felt waaaaay better. Apparently, kids eat Desitin all the time. Tons of blogs and forums popped up on the screen with moms talking about how their toddler sucked up half a tube of Desitin, then the moms freaked out, called poison control, and the experts said not to worry about it - to just observe their child overnight.

So, that is exactly what we did. Like hawks. And Harry was fine. I don't think he ate much of the cream, but still, I was slightly panicked. My husband said not to worry about it because "they" wouldn't make a toxic product for babies because babies put everything in their mouths. True. My husband is usually the voice of reason when it comes to our kids and their health. I tend to panic. Just a little.

Harry had his one year well-child check-up on Tuesday morning and everything was fine. No Desitin poisoning. He is now 23 pounds - we thought he would weigh more than that because the child is ALWAYS hungry. I'm not complaining - it is a relief to have at least one of my children like to eat. We still have to bribe Max to eat.

Harry got one vaccine - we only allow our kids to get one at a time, every few months, since Max has had bad reactions to vaccines - and Harry handled it like a champ.

The doc said he is no longer anemic, so we get to take him off formula and give him whole milk.

Yay! And yet, not so yay.

We, unfortunately, weren't able to establish a good night night routine with Harry because Max was so young when he was born. I wasn't able to leave Max alone for very long to read and sing to Harry like I did with Max. So, Harry's bedtime routine was a bottle.

And now, as of yesterday, we have said bye bye to the bottle and Harry isn't handling it so well. He cried himself to sleep everytime I put him down yesterday, and he cried again today. I have started a bedtime routine with him of books and songs, but it will take time for him to get used to it.

We took his pacifier away over a month ago and I don't think he even noticed. But, taking away his bottle has been like taking away my sweat pants. Or my husband's bedtime bowl of cereal. Devastating.

Wish us luck.

Here is Harry with his new sippy cup:

My Memories Suite Scrapbooking Software Winner!

2011-09-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

Sooooo, the winner of the My Memories Suite Scrapbooking Software is...

The numbers generated by this widget come from RANDOM.ORG's true random number generator.

#28...Penny Minding Mom!

Penny Minding Mom said...
Following them on Twitter.

Congratulations! I am on my way to email you, Penny Minding Mom!

Thanks to everyone who entered! :)

Harry, Meeko and their ouchie tummies

2011-09-23T13:00:00.000-07:00

So, really, Meeko's gas. I don't know what is up with his stomach, but it's killing me. He sleeps in our bedroom at night and now our room needs to be fumigated. Our dog's flatulence is poison and I think it gave me a disease last night. His gas is physically hurting me.

Here he is wreaking typical havoc in the snow. He looks like he's going to college.

That dog drives me crazy. He has to wear this sweater 24 hours a day now because he has a behavioral scratching problem and he scratches all his fur off. He clearly has some mental issues.

Let's move on.

Poor Harry is sick again. My sweet baby boy. He woke up crying last night around 1 am and I couldn't get him to calm down no matter what I did. He eventually woke my husband up, too, and he thought it might be teething pain, so he gave Harry Tylenol, which only made Harry scream louder. When I couldn't handle the screaming in my ear anymore, I passed him to Steve, to which Harry responded by throwing up all over my husband. And then he did it a second time.

While Steve was cleaning himself and the floor up, I held Harry again and about 10 minutes later, he threw up all over me.

It was HEARTBREAKING (and stinky)!! Harry is so sweet and precious and I don't know why he is sick so often. It isn't fair. Is his immune system really this bad? We try to keep his system boosted with vitamins and minerals, but he still gets sick all the time.

He is only 12 months old and so far he has had more sinus and ear infections than I can count, he had tubes put in his ears, he is borderline anemic, he has been on 7 rounds of antibiotics, he gets diaper rash in two seconds, he has allergic reactions to mosquito bites where the bites look like GIANT blisters that eventually pop and are painful, and the doctor told us that he has asthma. And I'm sure I am forgetting something.

I don't understand. Our 3 yr old son has only been really sick twice that I can think of, thank goodness, but it is just crazy how two children from the same parents, living in the same household, can have such different immune responses. The only thing I did differently in my pregnancies was I ate gluten free while pregnant with Harry because I found out I had celiac disease after Max was born. Could my diet have had something to do with it? Or is it just genetics?

Sad.

Happy!

with a little of Max thrown in.

Kid-free hours. I had some.

2011-09-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

So, Sunday, I got almost three whole kid-free hours. Kid-free. No kids. Not even the little one.

We had a birthday party to attend and my husband said he would take them by himself if I would clean the boys' rooms while he was gone. That was the condition. Then, I could do whatever I wanted. Ummm...done deal. I would have cleaned the boys' rooms anyway.

So, how did I spend my time? First, I prepared dinner in the slow cooker. I know this isn't glamorous or even different from my usual daily routine, but believe me, to get to cook dinner without my 1 yr old pulling on my pant legs to be held and my 3 yr old demanding that I find his lost Obi Wan Kenobi doll was heaven. And enjoyable. I turned up the Carpenters (strange choice, I know, but all the CDs I have left that weren't stolen [see previous post] were in my car and my hubs took my car to the birthday party - plus, I secretly love the Carpenters - shhhh) and I sang as loud as I could - DON'T YOU REMEMBER YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME BAAAAABY - while I chopped onions and potatoes.

Then, I thought about cleaning the boys' rooms, but decided to take a kid-free shower instead. But first, I peed BY MYSELF without my 3 yr old standing in the doorway explaining the Han Solo in carbonite scene from Star Wars to me.

Then, I took my time in the shower - usually my husband is rushing me because he has to leave for work or it's 10 o'clock at night and I'm exhausted. This time, I actually got to shave my legs. And I might have even danced a little.

Then, I decided to blow out my hair with the hairdryer. Usually, I have to let my hair dry by itself or I go to bed with it wet, so when I wake up in the morning, I look like a zombie from the 1980's. Shiver.

About halfway through drying my hair, I realized that I still hadn't cleaned the boys' rooms. And I only had a few minutes left. Oops. Where did all the time go? I must have stepped into some kind of Carpenters time warp and danced in the shower longer than I thought.

So, with my hair half-dry, I ran into Max's room and started throwing toys in the toy box. Darth Maul, Han Solo, Luke Skywalker and about seven different Darth Vaders were flying through the air. I shoved his books in the bookcase, put his costumes in the closet (he likes to dress up like Spiderman, Yoda and Obi Wan Kenobi). I put his 36 million light sabers of various sizes and colors into a bin and then ran to Harry's room.

In Harry's room, I got a tad bit distracted. This has happened to me a lot since having kids. Something about taking care of children all day has given me ADD.

I used to be extremely focused, able to become completely engrossed in a book, anytime, anywhere. I was a very good student in school with high grades. Now, I am so used to multi-tasking, I can't sit still long enough to read a book. I can't even sit still and watch TV without doing something else at the same time, like folding laundry or working on the computer. And I don't finish anything I start anymore. I am waiting for the day when I don't finish getting dressed and I realize in the middle of Walmart that I have forgotten to put on my bra. Or that the back of my dress is tucked into my panties. And believe me, after having two kids, no one wants that.

So, in Harry's room, instead of cleaning, I began pulling out toys for a rummage sale and making piles all over his room - piles of stuffed animals, rattles, and oh! let's pull out all his shoes and make piles of those, too!

And then! Oh no! Max rounds the corner. I screamed! Oh crap. They're home. And Harry's room looks like a circus clown threw up.

Luckily, due to years of pre-marriage/baby parties and heavy drinking, my husband doesn't have a short-term memory. He never said a word about Harry's room looking like a bomb went off. Harry had fallen asleep in the car, so Steve brought him in the room, stepped over all the piles of toys and shoes, put Harry in his crib, and we all went out to the den. I don't think he even remembered our deal. No short-term memory.

Thanks, Bombay Sapphire!

Stop the trail of tears, already!

2011-09-15T17:17:00.000-07:00

So, a few months ago, my CDs were stolen out of my car. That sucks. Not just because they were stolen, but because all of my favorite CDs were in the car. The songs that get me through, with lyrics I can relate to during my long days. Stinkin' criminals.

My absolute favorite artists of all time - the ones that were swiped from my car by a hoodlum who was hoping for rap, but got my girly love tunes instead and therefore, probably threw my music in a dumpster somewhere, stupid criminal - are: ahem, Tracy Chapman (my first love), the Indigo Girls (I give them all my lyrics-like-poetry love), Brandi Carlisle, Stevie Wonder, and Al Green. All gone.

You know that game you play when you are drunk at a bar where someone asks you if you had to be with a celebrity of the same sex (or opposite sex, depending on your original sexual orientation) for whatever reason, like you were held at gunpoint or someone will give you a million dollars if you do it - well, who would you pick? My pick was always Tracy Chapman. I don't know if she is a lesbian or not, I'm just saying, she's my choice when I play that game. Everytime. Love her.

Anyway, thank goodness for free phone apps like TinyShark - otherwise, I wouldn't be able to listen to my favorite songs because I can't afford to go out and buy my CDs all over again. It took me years to collect them all. I had every single Tracy Chapman and Indigo Girls CDs. And, I know, I'm an old lady who is behind the times and should just have an iPod with a docking station, but I don't, and they cost money, too, so I won't anytime soon.

My point is that I was listening to TinyShark today (which I can only get to work part of the time. Grrrr.), cooking dinner and singing along with my dear Tracy Chapman and Indigo Girls, when all of a sudden, I just started crying. Not a sad cry. Not a happy cry. Just crying. This music takes me back to years of my life, really tough but fun and carefree years, and I think I might have been grieving the person I used to be - someone with a life outside of the home - when I had time to sit around and appreciate what the music was saying and what the poetic lyrics meant to me.

These songs reminded me of myself, three years ago, before I lost myself in my motherhood role. I might have felt a tinge of sadness that I can't ever have her back again in the same way. But, I also felt hope that I can come back, better than ever, in a different way - still me, only with eyes in the back of my head and a mean don't-mess-with-me-I've-raised-two-boys attitude

I wasn't sad. I was just...letting go a little bit.

However, I've been emotional all day for whatever reason (and no, you men out there who might ask, it is not my time of the month). Earlier in the day, I was watching my boys playing in Max's room - they couldn't see me and didn't know I was watching. Max leaned over to Harry, hugged him, and said, "I love you, Harry." And then continued playing with his Star Wars figures, like it was no big deal.

I cried then, too, hiding behind the wall in the hallway. I cried because it was incredibly sweet and Max has come so far in his understanding of appropriate emotion - I am so proud of him, but I cried also because I thought for the first time in a long time, "Hey, I must be doing something right."

Then,(and this is ridiculous), when my son was watching Return of the Jedi, I actually cried at the end of the movie when the Ewoks are celebrating and Luke Skywalker returns and hugs Princess Leia and he sees the ghosts of his mentors and father.

Um, hello. Who cries at the end of Star Wars? Maybe lifers who go to Star Wars conventions, dress up like Darth Vader and do live action role playing, but certainly not normal, non-obsessed-with-sci-fi people. Something might be seriously wrong with me.

Though, on a somewhat lighter note, I read on a homeschooling blog today that Satan is who makes people send their kids to public school, which made me laugh, and then I felt better, because hey, at least I'm not batsh*t crazy, right?

P.S. Please enter my giveaway at the top right hand corner of my blog. It's my first one ever! :)

Look at my Scrapped Kids! My Memories Suite Scrapbooking Software Review and Giveaway! Ends 9/27

2011-09-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

So, I had grand plans of scrapbooking my oldest son's first year, his first Christmas, his first birthday, his first everything...but it never happened. After having my son, I suddenly had no free time to cut and glue and glitter and measure and browse crafting stores for supplies. Then, after my second son was born, well, let's just say I now barely have time to shower.

When MyMemories.com contacted me to review their digital scrapbooking software, My Memories Suite, and give one away to a lucky reader, I jumped at the opportunity! I had never tried digital scrapbooking, so I was incredibly excited about this review.

Admittedly, as easy as this software is to use, I had trouble at first. I am not techno-savvy. At all. Not in the slightest. However, once I played around with the software and watched the demos on YouTube, I got the hang of digital scrapbooking and felt rather silly for not figuring it out on my own. This software really is easy to use! But, as all mommies know, it's hard to learn a new skill while your 3 yr old is screaming at you for chocolate milk and his Han Solo action figure, while your 1 year old screams because your 3 yr old just took the Han Solo action figure away. Ahem. Drama.

My Memories Suite provides many creative options for scrapbooking! You can create an album using one of the professionally-designed templates or you can make your album from scratch! You can also download paper packages and themed templates from the website, some of them for FREE, to expand your My Memories Suite paper and embellishment library.

A few of the other great options with this software include: printing your pages to make your own scrapbook, use the 1-click share option to turn your album into a professionally printed hardbound book, turn your scrapbook into a DVD, make calendars, posters and greeting cards, and finally, you can make a movie out of your scrapbook with narration, music and video!

I still haven't played with all the options! There are so many!

My only complaint with this software is that the original software doesn't provide any paper or embellishment options for scrapbooking pictures of boys. You would have to download boyish paper kits and embellishments from the website. And while some of them may be free, I still would have liked some options provided in the software. However, if you are the mommy of girls, there are a lot of super cute girly papers and embellishments, like flowers, bows, ribbons, buttons, hair clips, pink shoes, polka-dots, and lace!

I can't even begin to tell you about EVERYTHING you can do with this software. So, I will show you a few of the things I created my first time around...my amateur digital scrapbooking debut!

The first four album pages are from my son's first birthday party, which was a firetruck theme.

Next, I played around with making shapes out of my photos to put on my blog!
I also had so much fun making my own Holiday Gift Tags because Christmas is my favorite holiday! What a great way to save money during the holidays!

WANNA BUY IT: If you would like to purchase this software, I have a special coupon code for all my readers! This provides a $10 discount off the purchase of the My Memories Suite Scrapbook Software and a $10 coupon for the MyMemories.com store - a $20 value! To purchase, just go HERE and use the coupon code STMMMS16202!

OR......

WANNA WIN IT: My Memories has offered the My Memories Suite Scrapbooking Software to one of my lucky readers!

To enter, you must first provide the mandatory entry and leave your email address in your comment so that I may contact you if you win! After that, you can choose whether or not to enter the optional extra entries for more chances to win! Leave a separate comment for each thing you do! Winner will be chosen by random.org.

Mandatory entry: Visit MyMemories.com and leave me a comment with your favorite scrapbooking kit or paper pack! Don't forget to leave your email address!

Extra Entries: (leave a separate comment for each!)

Follow Where A Woman Shakes Her Tablecloth via GFC
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Look at My Canvas! Easy Canvas Prints Review

2011-09-09T07:26:00.000-07:00

We just had family pictures taken in July by one of my very talented photography friends! We had never had a family photo taken with our children, cousins, aunt, mom - and my husband and I hadn't had a family photo taken since our second son, Harry was born, a year ago!

So, when Easy Canvas Prints contacted me to review a canvas with a photo of my choice, I was extremely excited. It was the perfect opportunity to review a great product and display our family photo!

In my experience, Easy Canvas Prints had me upload a photo of my choice, from my personal collection or a work of art from the internet, choose my canvas size (I chose 16x20), canvas wrap thickness, edit the image size, and choose a border style. Other editing options are color finishing (black and white, sepia) and image retouching for an additional fee.

I paid for my image to be retouched because Harry woke up with pink eye on the morning of our photo shoot. The Easy Canvas Prints Art Department removed the dark red blemish underneath my son's eye. Yay! Poor baby.

I was impressed with Easy Canvas Prints and their art department. Shortly after submitting my order, a member of the art department emailed to inform me that I needed to submit an image with a higher resolution. This person attached a proof of my photo so I could see how blurry it would print. They then provided me with appropriate pixel dimensions and told me that the best images are the original ones straight from your camera (the photo I originally submitted was previously color finished). This is fabulous information for someone, like me, who has no idea what a pixel dimension is or which photo would have a higher resolution. I know, I should probably take a photography class.

Anyway, I submitted the original photo and received another email letting me know the image would still be a bit blurry, again with a proof attached for my viewing. I decided that the minor blurriness didn't bother me and went ahead with my order, after the pink eye retouch.

And...I love it!

Here is the original photo with my youngest son's pink eye (you can see the redness under his right eye):

And here are a couple of pictures of the canvas, without the pink eye!

And a close-up of Harry on the canvas, minus the pink eye...

These canvas prints can be framed, but they recommend you get the .75" canvas wrap thickness if you plan on framing. Our new family photo will be framed and hung over our fireplace!

Overall, I was extremely pleased with Easy Canvas Prints and their customer service. I definitely, with confidence, recommend this company to my readers. The possibilities are endless and you can rest assured that this company won't rest until your canvas looks perfect!

Brightly colored crack for kids! Yummy!

2011-08-31T08:18:00.000-07:00

So, I'm sure you have heard about the evils of artificial coloring in foods. And I agree with it all. Artificial food coloring, especially red 40, can have a crack-like effect on children with ADHD, and perhaps most children.

We don't allow Max to have any foods in the house with artificial coloring because the resulting effect is one wild child who has no control over his behavior. And toddlers already have trouble with behavior control.

No Fruity Pebbles, no M&Ms, no hard candy, no fruit snacks (except Annie's - this company's products do not have artificial anything in them). It can be extremely frustrating for my son and me when he begs for Star Wars fruit snacks or Scooby Doo fruit snacks in the store and we can't allow him to eat them. It angers me that these food companies advertise a child's favorite movie or TV cartoon character on their packaging ,and yet, put damaging ingredients in their products. Grrr...come on, they could use beet and other juices, instead. If they cared.

Anyway, we will let him have artificial coloring at birthday parties and holidays because we don't ever want him to be the odd child out at school or a party, the only child eating an apple or some other boring fruit while the other kids get to eat brightly colored sugar and circus candy.

So, when we went to a birthday party a couple of weekends ago, I expected food coloring in the birthday cake icing. It is pretty much inevitable in a child's birthday cake. But, what I saw was nothing like I had expected.

There on the table were the cutest Elmo cupcakes you've ever seen. So adorable! But, they were red. And I'm not talking a little bit red. The entire cupcake was red. Red 40 everywhere. The icing on top was red. Then, on top of the icing, was a picture of Elmo's face made with red icing. The cake part of the cupcake was even dyed red. RED. Fine for most kids, but not my kid.

When I saw the cupcakes, the look on my face was like I'd just seen a cougar in my bathroom. Total fear.

I walked over to a nearby table and whispered to my husband, "The cupcakes are red. The entire thing. Even the cake part. Rrrreeeeeeddd." Now, my husband looked like he had just seen a cougar in our bathroom.

So, we got our things together - we wanted to be prepared in case all chaos broke loose and we had to leave the party early, which we are used to doing. The effect of sugar and red dye 40 are pretty much immediate in Max.

Sure enough, after cupcake eating time, the other children stood around and watched the birthday boy open his presents while our child did a cracked-out version of the Super Bowl Shuffle in the middle of the room.

He was yelling. He was dancing. He was laughing uncontrollably. He kept running out of the room at top speed, laughing while one of us chased him down.

We looked at each other and nodded. It was time to go. Party over.

The good thing about all of this is that I have learned over time my child's limits. Because of his sensory issues, I know he can't be in loud places for longer than 30 minutes before he begins to break down. I know he can't have artificial food coloring. I know he lashes out with aggression if someone, like another child, yells at him or if Harry cries. I know to automatically cut the tags out of his shirts. I know to keep him distracted, calm, and talking about anything if I want to keep him from throwing a tantrum in public. I know that I have to stay calm and not get overly excited or overly angry about anything if I want him to remain balanced.
I know that when he is tired, it ain't gonna be pretty.

Of course, he doesn't need red dye 40 to be hyperactive. Monday afternoon when I picked him up from preschool, I peeked in the window before going in - and while all the other children in his class were sitting in their chairs eating their lunches, my son was on the floor under the table pulling on people's legs.

That's my boy!

And although his hyperactivity can be exhausting, there is something special about Max that no one can deny. He has more enthusiasm and passion for everyday life than I have ever seen in any child or adult. Everything makes him over the top excited. I made popcorn one night last week after he had night terrors and couldn't go back to sleep, and he said, "Oh Mommy! Popcorn makes me so happy! Yaaaayyyy! I love you, Mommy!" And he gave me a big hug. I never want that enthusiasm to be extinguished.

So, if it takes many, many challenging and exhausting days for me, then that's okay. If his enthusiasm has to go hand-in-hand with his hyperacitivity and overstimulation, then I can handle it. I never want that smile, that over-the-top enthusiasm, to leave. I will do anything to keep him feeling happy and cozy. Anything. And if that means making popcorn in the middle of the night, then heat up the oil and put the lid on the pot! We are making popcorn!

But, we'll keep the red 40 out of it. I don't need my son running naked through the streets, screaming at the top of his lungs just yet. He can wait until after a long night of drinking gin in college - like his dad did.

On second thought, I never want him to know that story.

Hey, all you bad moms out there! This is for you! (but don't worry. It's okay! - apparently, I'm a bad mom,too)!

2011-08-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

So, I was doing some blog browsing last night on my phone in between light saber fights with my 3-yr old, and I found a couple of blog posts that I felt to be quite irritating and stifling.

Internet blog wars aren't really my thang, so I won't mention the blogs. I'm not here to piss anyone off. I am positive these women writers are wonderful and kind ladies - I just don't agree with their antiquated ideas on motherhood and child-rearing. Oh, did I say antiquated? Was that judgmental? Oops. How careless of me.

Basically, both posts were these two womens' opinions on being a good, Christian parent and if you are one of the mothers who look forward to the time when your child goes to school in the morning or in the fall, then you are a terrible person who doesn't enjoy her children and you don't deserve to be a mother.

Does anyone else have a problem with this? These women are making sweeping generalizations about an entire population of mothers. And I believe it is sooooooo wrong to judge other mothers. Aren't we mothers supposed to stick together? When did it become wrong for a woman, a woman who is not just a mother but also a WOMAN, to need a little time to rejuvenate and recoup? When did it become wrong for a mother to not only play the role of mother, but also of a living, breathing woman with needs?

The women who wrote these posts have no idea of another mother's situation and how dare they make a mother feel even more guilty than she already does. Every mother struggles with guilt of some sort. Why would one mother want to make another one feel even worse? As one commenter of the post wrote, what if the mother has chronic pain or an aging parent to take care of? She may need the time to rest.

In my case, my husband works most of the time, so I am here with my children all day, every day, seven days a week. If my children are awake or home, I play with them. I'm not doing housework (anyone who comes to my house can attest to that). We play light sabers, play with action figures, finger paint, color, read books, play outside with the neighbors. I am not doing anything for "me". In addition, my 3 yr old has a sensory processing disorder and he, through no fault of his own, can be a challenge some days - he gets easily overstimulated, has texture issues, has night terrors, he is hyperactive, and can be aggressive.

Do I look forward to the time when my 3 yr old goes to preschool for that 3 hours in the morning, three days a week? You bet I do. Do I look forward to nap time? You bet I do. Not because I don't enjoy my children, but because I need that time to do laundry, dishes, mop, EAT, go to the bathroom, take a shower, talk to an adult on the phone, catch the news, pay a bill, go to the grocery store, wrap birthday presents, start dinner, maybe even get to shave my legs or maybe even SIT DOWN for once during the day. Does that make me a bad mom? Hell no. It actually makes me a better mom because I can recoup, accomplish, and keep from feeling overwhelmed.

What is wrong with needing some "me" time, again?

One of the posts actually said that we, as the older generation of women, need to encourage our young girls to be homemakers and not be whatever they want to be when they grow up. Really? Really? Is this a joke? One of the commenters of the post even said that as a good Christian mother, you are supposed to deny yourself and only do for others. That is what God wants.

I know that this is off subject, but this way of thinking makes me CRAZY.

And if I'm not mistaken, you aren't supposed to judge others as a good, Christian woman, either.

I am a homemaker, but if I had a daughter instead of sons, I would encourage her to reach for the stars. You want to be a stay at home mom? Great. You want to work corporate or be a research scientist? Great. You want to dress up like a princess and sing at children's birthday parties? Fantastic.

So again, all you moms out there, don't let the judgey moms make you feel like a bad mom. You're not. If you love your kids and let them feel that love everyday, then you are doing just fine.

And you know the question that these ladies might be surprised to know the answer to?

Do I look forward to the time when my son comes home from preschool or wakes up from his nap?

You bet I do. There's nothing better.

CLEAN UP ON AISLE 3 or WHY AM I NOT GETTING PAID FOR THIS???

2011-08-23T11:10:00.000-07:00

So, two of the things I hate the most are cleaning up other people's pee and poop and raw chicken. Why insanity set in and I decided to tackle them both in the same day, I will never know.

Potty training and cleaning a raw chicken - two of my worst fears. My third worst fear is not the government or earthquakes or high fructose corn syrup or fluoride. Not even cancer. It's taking away my son's paci. More terrifying concept than starvation. Haven't tackled that one yet.

Anyway, this morning I woke up insane and decided to put my son in big boy underwear and rinse and de-skin a whole chicken in the sink for the slow cooker.

At first, potty training was going great. I took him to the potty every 15 minutes and finally he peed in the potty (he had also peed in the potty twice two days before)! Yay! He stayed dry for the first hour. Then, it all started to go downhill (and down his legs) very quickly.

First, he peed on his bedroom carpet. No big deal, I thought. I expected accidents. Nothing we have done with Max has been easy. I expected several bumps in the road. So, I continued to take him to the potty every 15 minutes.

But then, I had to put my 11 month old down for his nap and while I was gone, he peed on the bathroom sink (okay, I need to explain this one - we are remodeling our front bathroom, so the sink is lying on our living room floor behind the couch).

No big deal. Meanwhile, I am trying to clean my whole chicken. I have an intense fear of raw chicken. I think I might have died from salmonella poisoning in one of my past lives. I am really afraid of raw meat with no tangible reason for my fear.

I put on my gloves. I put the chicken in the sink and take it out of its packaging. So far, so good. I rinse. Then, I get freaked out. The sink starts filling up with pink water because the packaging is clogging the sink drain. I plow through my fear and take out the innards. I change my gloves.

The recipe says to de-skin the chicken. I get my knife and start to de-skin, even though part of my fear is that a piece of raw chicken juice will splatter and hit me in the mouth.

I keep working and eventually realize that I have no idea what the hell I am doing - I've never de-skinned anything before, so I just put my mutilated chicken in the slow cooker and add the spices. With a new pair of gloves, of course. (You all must think I'm insane for real now. My husband already does).

Meanwhile, my son pees on the living room rug, even though I had just taken him to the potty five minutes before.

Then, the big one.

I could tell my son had to go #2 because he always hides when he does it. I saw him hiding behind the curtain in the den, so I rushed him to the potty where he sat there for 20 minutes, looking at a book and doing no pooping. I told him that the poo-poos needed to go home and see their mommy and daddy, so he had to let them go. He understood. He really wanted them to see their mommy and daddy. He tried. And tried. And nothing.

After 20 minutes, I tell him that we will try again in 10 minutes. I could hear my other son yelling from his crib to be let out after his nap. And in the five minutes it took for me to change Harry's diaper and walk into the living room, Max had hidden behind a chair and pooped in his underwear. Sigh.

Now, I had a sink full of pink contaminated water and squished poop all over my son's legs to clean up. I won't go into the details here, but let's just say this particular changing of underwear wasn't a pleasant scene.

I was exhausted and thoroughly grossed out and out of clean underwear, so I put Max back in his diaper for lunch and naptime.

And now, I smell poop and stinky chicken everywhere I go - the smells are permanently burned into the hairs of my nostrils and I can't tell the difference between the two odors anymore. And frankly, at this point, I don't care if Max is wearing diapers at his sixth grade graduation.

Before his nap, I told Max what a great job he did practicing using the potty and that we would try again later after he woke up. That is what I said. But, what I really wanted to say was, "I don't understand! Are you trying to torture me? I know you know you are supposed to go on the potty! It's easy! Why won't you do it??? This is so GROSS! AAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKK!!!!"

But I didn't, of course. He was trying. I think. And he was awfully cute sitting on the toilet "reading" his There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly book. I had to restrain myself from taking a picture and showing it to everyone. Not sure he would appreciate that as a teenager.

I have read that kids with Sensory Processing Disorder, like Max, have a tougher time with potty training because they tend to have more trouble "sensing" that they need to go. This potty training stuff may be my greatest parenting challenge yet...

well, that and trying to determine whether I am smelling poop right now or just the chicken cooking in the crock pot. It's a toss up.

I know why I'm not drunk. How about you?

2011-08-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

So, sometimes I wonder why I'm not drunk everyday.

I really wish I had more time to blog. I could write a daily blog post about my mishaps if only my munchkins could learn to use the oven and do their own laundry.

I must enjoy my reality to some extent because I do nothing to try to escape, relax, or self-medicate. I just plow through, popping ibuprofen for tension headaches and laughing at my own expense. And, of course, I do enjoy my reality - my kids are part of my reality ... just not ALL parts of my reality.

For instance, I really didn't enjoy it two nights ago when I caught my 11 month old, Harry, sitting in his highchair, playing in his own poop (and having a blast, by the way) because his diaper had exploded during dinner. Then, when I took him to the bathroom for a bath, I found TWO dirty diapers ripped to shreds by our dog that my husband had left in the bathroom trash from bathtime the night before. Those tiny urine-filled crystals from inside the diaper were EVERYWHERE (slimy!). Then, when I finished his bath and went to clean the kitchen, a block of shortening fell out of the refrigerator door and splattered all over the kitchen floor. Ugh.

And yesterday, I really didn't enjoy it when my 3 yr old, Max, took his new Darth Vader light saber and hit my 11 month old in the forehead with it. On purpose.

And I didn't like it when I told Max to stop jumping on the bed, but he didn't listen and almost immediately lost his balance and performed a perfect horizontal spin off the bed and onto the hardwood floor, hitting his head on the way down. Or, when Harry threw a monster temper tantrum because I wouldn't let him eat his brother's shoe, so he catapulted his whole body backwards, hitting his head on the hardwood floor. (I think the moral of these stories is that hardwood floors don't mesh with little boys and helmets are hightly recommended).

However, my boys do provide some comic relief.

For example, yesterday at Lowe's, my husband and I had to hang out in the grout and caulk aisle for 10 minutes because Max said he was pooping and we couldn't leave until he was done. So, he hid behind a pole and finished his business while I prayed that the woman standing behind him didn't smell anything suspicious.

Or two nights ago when I told Max that if he wants to sleep in mommy and daddy's bed, he can't talk because it is sleeping time. So, he hummed instead. And then whispered to me that he had tooted. I guess I should have been more specific.

And, in addition to the laughs, my boys do provide some "awwwwww"s, too.

Like, when Max kisses Harry. Or he goes to Harry's room to bring him a blanket or a toy. Or like yesterday when Harry slept in my arms and cuddled with me in the morning before anyone else woke up. Or when Max can't control his excitement about something I take for granted, like popcorn or staying up late, and he runs up to me, hugs my legs and screams, "I LOVE YOU, MO-MMY!"

If I was drunk everyday, I'd probably miss those things. Or at least not remember them the next day.

I guess I'll just keep popping the ibuprofen and laughing at my own expense.

Because I never, ever want to forget these days. All too soon, my boys will be grown up and these days will be gone. And while I could do without the diaper explosions and the temper tantrums, I could never do without the sweet smiles, hugs, sleepy eyes, "I love you"s, the small hands holding mine, and the whispers in the night, telling me that my son has tooted.

I love you, boys!

(by the way, today is Max's 3rd birthday, so I might be feeling a little nostalgic. And sad that he is growing up too fast. And co-dependent. And tired. And brain-fried. And over the moon that my oldest baby is turning 3! But still a little sad. I was already crying by 8:30 am. Stop growing!!)

Chuck E. Cheese, How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways...

2011-08-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

So, my brain hurts. Not from over-thinking, but from under-thinking. I have done nothing for three days but play with light sabers, look for lost light sabers, watch light sabers in a Star Wars movie, attach light sabers to action figures with tape...I have been hit in the back with light sabers, smacked in the finger with one, and had my hair pulled because I wouldn't play light sabers. I would be so happy if I didn't see anything related to Star Wars again for a long, long, long time and if I could stay far, far away from any and all light sabers or things that look like light sabers. Ahem.

Please, somebody, call me and tell me about a book you are reading or tell me what is going on in the news or just call me and blurt a bunch of swear words so I feel like I am still an adult with a brain who can react intelligently to information besides what the Bubble Guppies are eating for lunch and whether or not Sam and Freddie are dating on iCarly.

Man, I am all about run-on sentences today...but I can't help it. I'm really reeling from a lack of educational and intellectual stimulation - I'm losing my grammar skills.

Yes, my son's 3rd birthday party was this past Saturday at Chuck E. Cheese and he got Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace as a gift from his grandparents. And that is ALL he has done for the past three days is watch the Darth Maul fight scene over and over and over and over and over and over and ask me to play light sabers with him and then get upset when I have to stop and give some attention to our OTHER child...and my brain hurts.

I have to say, though, that I will never have another birthday party in my home again (okay, except for Harry's 1st birthday party in a few weeks, but after that! I'm done!). It is SO MUCH EASIER to have the party somewhere like Chuck E. Cheese. They do everything for you! They even cut the cake! I was actually available to TALK to other adults and smile and SOCIALIZE! I had forgotten about socializing. All I could remember about it was what I have learned on Yo Gabba Gabba. Don't, don't, don't bite your friends! and You have to wait in line...it's only fair to wait right there!

The party was still exhausting, but I was WAY less stressed. I was almost relaxed. Well, not quite. But almost.

Here are some photos from the big day:

THE CAKE...

MAX EATING PIZZA - I LOVE WATCHING HIM EAT BECAUSE HE SO RARELY DOES IT

MAX BLOWING OUT HIS CANDLES

MAX WITH THE MAN HIMSELF...OR THE MOUSE HIMSELF... ALTHOUGH ONE OF THE KIDS AT THE PARTY THOUGHT HE WAS A RAT AND ANOTHER THOUGHT HE WAS A BEAR

Thank you, Chuck E. Cheese, for keeping me from stroking out this weekend.

And, by the way, today is MY birthday. I am turning 27. I mean, 32. Er, I meant 35. Crap, fine, I'm 37. But, I have the maturity of a MUCH younger woman, so I've got that going for me.

Let's see if I can get out of changing any diapers for the entire day.

Mr. Grumpy Pants

2011-08-10T06:03:00.000-07:00

So, I've got a grumpy one today. I know we are all entitled to our bad days and our baby fits, but man, a toddler in a bad mood is way worse than an adult in a bad moood. Way worse.

From the moment he got up this morning, he has been a Mr. Grumpy Pants.

"Mommy, I want to watch TeeVeeeeeeeeeee."

"Okay, what do you want to watch?"

(a commercial for Special Agent Oso comes on the Disney channel)

"No! I don't like that show!"

"Yes, you do. And besides, this is a commercial, not a show."

"No! I don't like that show!"

"Okay, do you want to watch Mickey Mouse?"

"NO!"

"Do you want to watch Phineas and Ferb?"

"NO!"

"Do you want to watch Jack's Big Music Show?"

"NO!"

"Toot and Puddle?"

"NO! I WANT TO SEE THE PIRATE SHOW!!"

(geez - so, I turned on Jake and the Neverland Pirates and he was happy for about 2 seconds)

"Mommy, I want some chocolate milk."

"Okay, what do we say when we want someone to do something for us?"

"NO!"

"Nope, that's not it. What do we say?"

"NO!"

"It starts with a "puh" and ends in a "lease"."

"NO!"

"You aren't getting any chocolate milk until you say the magic word."

"NO!"

About 10 minutes later, after he finally said "please", I brought him his chocolate milk - he took one look at it and threw it over his shoulder. Moody!!

"Mommy, I need help. Put Darth Maul's light saber on him for me."

"You can do it. I know you can!"

"NO! I CAN'T!"

"Yes, you can. And I am driving, Max. I have to look at the road. I can't do it right now."

"YES! I NEED HELP!"

"Just try, Max. You are going to have to do it yourself."

So, finally, he tries and does it himself.

"Mommy! Look I did it! I put his light saber on him!"

"Yay! Good job! See, you are such a smart cookie!"

"I AM NOT A COOKIE!!!!!!"

I have accepted that I am not going to win today.

Motherhood is difficult, no matter how you slice the Xanax

2011-08-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

So, I have never pretended that motherhood is easy for me. Motherhood is the biggest challenge I have faced and no adult could ever scare me again after surviving day to day life with a hyperactive, aggressive 2 year old and an infant.

And really, my blog is about my struggle with being a stay-at-home mom. I can't read the sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows motherhood blogs where every post is about how much they love their lives and love being a mom and how ADORABLE their children are and how cute it is when their son puts the TV remote in the toilet.

That is not cute to me - now the remote doesn't work and so you have to get up to turn the channels but what mother has the energy to do that, so you have to disinfect the remote and wait for it to dry out and now you can't watch TV and escape from the fact that your child won't stop asking you the same question every five seconds.

My blog is more of a stabbing chest pains, upset stomach, and throbbing stress headache type of motherhood blog. I have no shame filter (anyone who has ever dated me could tell you this after we broke up and they caught me driving by their house with my head ducked down to see if I could catch a glimpse of them - and don't judge, you know you did it too), so I will tell you just about anything. I have no feelings filter either. My heart is smeared all over my sleeve.

Now, I love my children just as much as the sunshine, lollipops and rainbows moms (we will call them the SLRMs) - I can't imagine my life without them. But I have trouble giving up my entire life to my kids, husband and dog. I like eating my food while it is still hot. I like peeing without an audience. I like watching the news. I like talking to adults. I like getting a chance to make my coffee before noon. I like using words besides, "no", "quit", "stop" and I like saying sentences besides, "Stop hitting your brother", "No, I don't know where Darth Maul's light saber is", "If you hit me with that light saber one more time, I am going to take it away!" and "Don't get out of bed again, please." I like getting dressed without a toddler stealing my makeup brushes and using them to paint his Star Wars action figures. I like getting to take care of myself when I am sick. I like reading a magazine or a book and actually making it past the front cover.

Sometimes, on the motherhood side of things, I understand why Sylvia Plath put her head in the oven. Although, I'd probably be in there looking for cookies. Being a mom is tough. No matter how much you love your children, it is so tough. Cookies can help.

I guess what I am trying to say to all you moms out there who are having a hard time is: Don't let the SLRMs make you feel bad about your ability to be a good mom. It is okay to not always enjoy motherhood. It is okay to wish your kids would go away for awhile so you can breathe and sit down. Sometimes, you've just gotta go crazy, be silly and sing, dance...although my toddler always screams, "DON'T DO THAT!" when I dance, so I'm back to eating cookies out of the oven.

Just remember, you aren't alone. Give me a call or send me an email. I'm probably crying, too. Or at least chewing ibuprofen while looking for the corkscrew.

Birfday Farty

2011-08-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

So, we have a lot of birthday parties coming up in the family. My son is having his 3rd birthday party in 2 weeks and it is pretty much all he talks about. And he's driving me crazy.

"Mommy, I want to go to my birfday farty."
"Can we go to my birfday farty now?"
"I want to go to Chuck E. Cheese for my birfday farty."
"I'm goin' to my birfday farty now."
"Daddy, I want to go to my Star Wars birfday farty at Chuck E. Cheese."
"I want my Star Wars cake now."
"I want to eat Yoda farty cupcakes."
"I want my birfday farty cake to have Luke Skywalker and Darf Vader with Luke Skywalker hanging off like this:" (then he hangs from the side of the couch or the TV stand or Harry's crib)
"I want Darf Maul on my birfday farty cake."
"I WANT TO GO TO MY BIRFDAY FARTY NOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!" (and then some fake crying)

He asks about his birfday farty at least 10 times a day. And really, if it wasn't for the adorable fact that he can't say his "p's" or "th's" and uses an "f" instead, which always makes me laugh inside, I might go insane.

Three days after his farty, I will have my 3oth birfday farty. Okay, okay, it will be my 37th birfday. Whatever. Then, 5 days after that will be Max's actual 3rd birfday, so we will want to celebrate again. Then, 11 days after that will be Harry's 1st birfday (small family farty) and then we will have a bigger birfday farty for him 2 days later.

I'm tired just typing all that.

I am going to be all fartied out by mid-September.

But then, oh then, I will have my husband's 40th birfday farty to plan in November. I have trouble believing I am old enough to be married to someone who is going to be 40 years old. And that my 20 year highschool reunion is next year. And that my phone says it is 109 degrees outside.

I need a nap.

Yellow. How you haunt me from the seat of my toilet.

2011-08-01T06:01:00.000-07:00

So, I love yellow. It is my favorite color. Yellow is full of joy. Yellow is soft and kind, strong and full of heat! Yellow is happy. Yellow is the color of the sun, the ruling planet of the fierce and loyal Leo woman (I'm a fierce and loyal Leo - or at least a stubborn one). And yellow looks good on me (of course there is a little bit of vanity thrown in...I mean, I am a Leo. Olive green makes me look sick and atrocious, therefore, olive green is not my favorite).

There are times, however, when a color will haunt me - with its brightness, for example (any neon color), or putridness (like olive green - again, not my favorite - funny, olive green is my husband's favorite color - go crazy with that you marriage counselors) or what a color represents.

This is one of those times.

Yellow has become my enemy because of this:

and this...

Our bathroom.

Go ahead and make icky, pukey faces. I do it every time I walk in there.

Now, I've had a yellow bathroom before. In my single lady days, I lived in an apartment with my best friend and this apartment had a canary yellow bathroom. And I LOVED IT. The color would have been a little much for most people, but that color sang happy songs to me every morning when I took a shower. Almost made up for the fact that the landlady didn't tell us before we moved in that two people had been murdered in our apartment a few years before. Almost.

Anyway, my husband and I bought this house three years ago and my husband remodeled most of it. However, we couldn't afford to remodel the bathrooms. So, both bathrooms look like abandoned subway bathrooms. I think even a homeless person would turn his or her nose up to my bathroom. No thanks, I'll bathe in the sewer system. It looks like it smells better.

This bathroom in particular has been the bane of my life for three years. I dread taking showers because the bathtub is so old and porous that it always looks stained and dirty. There is a window in the shower with a wood sill that is rotting from the moisture. The shower is encased in cheap, yellowed, plastic panels instead of tile. Mold and mildew grow on the caulking at a rapid rate and we can't keep re-caulking it. The flooring is a pattern straight out of the disco in Saturday Night Fever.

I cringe when someone comes over and and asks to use the bathroom because I don't want its appearance to reflect negatively on my family. We really aren't swamp people, but if you judge us by our bathroom, you would think we are filthy pigs. Or that we at least have a drug problem.

Sitting on the toilet is the worst. There is nothing to do on the toilet, besides the obvious. So I sit and stare at the dirty color of the bathroom until my disdain for the cowardly wood paneling becomes so great that I finally pull out my phone and play Bejeweled so I don't have to look at it anymore.

Now, psychologically speaking, this bathroom represents things about me that I don't like and have tried to change over the years...blah blah blah...which is one reason I am so embarrassed and frustrated by it.

In my family, I have been perceived as the unorganized, messy member and I have tried very hard to change that perception of me in recent years (although, since having 2 boys, I've pretty much given up on ever being organized or clean again). Second, my embarrassment of it obviously brings up some self worth issues. And, I don't want the bathroom to ever affect our boys. I want it fixed more than anything before they get old enough to be embarrassed by it, as well. Also, the continued presence of this ugly bathroom has just been a constant reminder to me that we can't afford to fix it. It represents financial strain and failure. And emotional exhaustion.

Now. This is all about to change. Look at it now!

Ta Dah!

Okay, so these pictures are a little anti-climatic. The bathroom actually looks worse, but these pics are signs of progress! And progress is gooooood...

This past weekend, after a few sincere, fed up, and embarrassed tears from me, my husband ripped out the shower paneling, then found that there was moldy sheet rock underneath, so he ripped that out, then found horrendous 1960's aluminum pink tile underneath that, so he ripped most of the tile out. Then, he thought he might as well get rid of the bathtub too, so he grabbed an axe and a sledgehammer and busted out our cast iron tub.

Now, we have no real plans about what is going to happen next. This was kind of an impulse demolition spurred on by emotion and a need for change. My husband loves me and didn't want to see me continue to be upset, so he crushed that ugly bathroom like an ant.

And I have complete faith that this will work out. Don't know how or when, but the progress in itself has given me a great feeling of hope and excitement. I never have to look at that rotting window sill or moldy caulking again. And that makes my smile really, really BIG.

Crazy-making Car Talk

2011-07-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

The scene: Trapped in a hot car with my 2 year old, driving anywhere, most likely to 2 year old's occupational therapy session at the Sunshine School.

Ahem.

2 year old: Where'd Daddy go?

Me: Daddy went to work.

2 year old: I want to go to work, toooooo.

Me: Well, someday you will get to go to work and you can make lots and lots of money and take care of Mommy and Daddy.

2 year old: I want to go to work noooowww.

(2 seconds of silence)

2 year old: Where'd Lindley go? (she is the neighbor across the street)

Me: She is probably at her house.

2 year old: Where'd Lindley go?

Me: I just told you. She is probably at her house.

2 year old: Where'd Lindley go?

Me: (breathing deeply and starting to go crazy) I don't know.

2 year old: Where'd Daddy go?

Me: I already told you. Daddy went to work.

2 year old: Where'd Daddy go? I want Daddy.

Me: You can see Daddy after Sunshine School.

2 year old: Where'd Sunshine School go?

Me: Same place it was on Tuesday. We are driving there right now.

2 year old: Where'd Harry go?

Me: Harry is at home with Grandma.

2 year old: Where'd Grandma go?

Me: She is at our house with Harry.

2 year old: Where'd our house go?

Me: (Ohmygosh please stop talking!!! I am about to pull this car over and put myself in a ditch) Our house is where it always is. Still sitting on our street.

2 year old: Where'd our street go? Where'd Lindley go?

And I couldn't wait until he started talking because people always talk about how kids say the darndest things and aren't they just adorable? Clearly I was misinformed.

Five Things That Make Me Happy on Paper (Mama Kat's Writing Workshop)

2011-07-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

What the H-E-double toothpicks am I doing with two boys?

2011-07-13T10:20:00.001-07:00

So, look at me writing three posts in a row! The world might be coming to an end.

And if it does, well, that would have been fine with me this morning because I was mortified. By my 2 year old. Totally embarrassed.

For those of you who don't live in our area, there is a great place for toddlers called Boingo Bounce. It is just a big room with bouncy houses and blow-up slides. You would think the perfect place for toddlers to run like mad and not get hurt.

That is until my 2 year old walks through the door. He might as well have been carrying a stun gun and one of those clobber sticks with the spikes.

You see, as great as Boingo Bounce is for kids, it is also very loud. Children are screaming, the music is at rock concert levels, there is the constant whir of air pumps blowing up the facilities. So, if your child has a sensory disorder and is prone to overstimulation like mine, then this place is like the Wild West. Limited law and order, children drunk with bouncy house fun, parents running to and fro trying to find their children in the chaos. For someone like my son, it can be crazy-making.

At one point, I was carrying Harry, my 10-month old, around the room trying to find Max. And then I saw her. Another mother lean down to a boy I couldn't see (he was behind a plastic palm tree) and ask him who his mother was. I walked over to the palm tree, praying that she wasn't talking to my son. The other mother looked up and said, "Is this your son?" As I looked around the palm tree, I was still praying. Peering, peering around... Crap. It was Max. My heart sank.

She told me, in a very sweet way which I very much appreciated, that Max had been pulling other kids down the stairs to the slide and had scared two little kids so much that they were afraid to play on the slide anymore. I was appalled. Embarrassed. Mortified. The other mother was kind and not rude whatsoever, but I wanted to sink into the floor.

And then I looked at Max. I know what he looks like when his senses are starting to spin out of control. His face was red, he was hot, his eyes were glassy, he couldn't focus on what I was saying, he couldn't think straight. We had been there for 45 minutes and it was time to go.

Now, I realize that this episode was my fault. I know better than to not supervise Max at all times. Steve and I have never been able to visit with other parents at birthday parties, BBQs, neighborhood block parties, etc. because Max is not one of those children who can be in a party atmosphere and not get overstimulated and aggressive. His senses can't work together efficiently enough to keep him balanced in loud environments. We always have to leave parties early.

But, I guess my excuse is that for once, I wanted to be like those other mothers I saw sitting on the floor of Boingo Bounce, playing with their babies and having adult conversations while their older children played in the bouncy houses. I wanted to sit down and actually get to talk to the mother of the little girl we came with. I wanted to have an adult conversation. I wanted to enjoy myself, too. I stay at home all day everyday with a toddler and a baby and I just wanted to talk, too. It's a poor excuse, I guess, but it's the truth.

I now know the sitting-on-the-floor dream of mine will remain a dream for a while. And that's okay. But really, what in the H-E-double toothpicks was God, the Universe, doing when He decided it was a good idea to give me two boys? And what were my boys thinking when their happy souls decided to come back to Earth and choose me as their mother?

I know nothing about boys. I didn't have a brother and all but one of my cousins are girls.

I am not hyperactive.

I am not aggressive.

I don't like loud noises.

I don't like sweating or dirt.

I don't like woodsy areas.

I don't like bugs.

I don't like sports.

I don't like camping (this kinda goes hand-in-hand with the sweating, dirt and bugs thing)

I don't think poop and boogers and farting are funny (okay, sometimes farting is funny).

I don't like peeing outside.

I don't have a well of energy that never dries up.

I like to read. I like quiet. I like poetry. I like being still. I like Barbies.

What were they thinking?

Maybe they were thinking that I would love them, which I do more than anyone I've ever loved before. Maybe they were thinking that I would try my best, which I do, everyday, although sometimes I feel like it isn't good enough. And maybe they were thinking that despite my shortcomings, missteps, and imperfections, I would be a good mother. And I hope I am.

And maybe someday, I will get to sit down with the other mothers, too....but, we'll see. Let's not get crazy, now.

My Sick (cough, cough) Baby Harry

2011-07-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

So, Harry. My precious 10-month old baby. This is him on the Fourth of July in his red, white and blue. And his snotty nose. And his pink eye infection.

Another picture of him with his mysterious pink eye - no idea where he got it because he doesn't go anywhere, but he sure did pass it on to his little 8-month old cousin, Cardin!

Since January, Harry has had one sickness after another. If it is common and he can catch it, he will. As you all know, he had a constant ear infection from January through April, so he finally got tubes put in during the last week of April. He has terrible environmental allergies, so he continuously has a runny nose, which inevitably turns into a sinus infection every time. In his short life, he has been on so many different antibiotics.

Then, a few days before July 4th, he woke up with his eyes crusty, red and swollen (we were having family pictures taken that day, too). The next day, both eyes were glued shut. Naturally, it was a Sunday and a holiday weekend, so we had to call the after hours clinic and the doc called in eye drops and told us it was most likely conjunctivitis.

As his eyes cleared, his nose got snottier and he began to pull at his ear. On Friday morning, his right ear started oozing brown goo, so I took him to the doctor and he determined that in addition to another ear infection and sinus infection, Harry has asthma. Fantastic.

So, off we went to buy an inhaler and a chamber mask. And more antibiotics. He is just beginning to get used to the mask. He hated it at first, but I have let him play with it so he isn't as afraid of it.

Over the weekend, he started getting better. Yesterday was his 9 month well-child check-up (even though he is 10 months old. We are a little behind due to a couple of snow storms at the beginning of the year). At the 9 month appt, the nurses prick their big toe to check their iron levels, and wouldn't you know it. Harry is borderline anemic.

I swear! This poor child can't seem to get healthy! It is hard to watch your child feel cruddy so often, not to mention all the money we have spent on doctor's bills, hospital bills, medicine, anesthesiologists, etc. My husband is going to have to get a third job just to pay for it all (Steve also had a bone graft done that wasn't covered by insurance and I had a cervical biopsy done that wasn't covered because my endometriosis and history of abnormal pap smears are pre-existing conditions - don't you just love insurance companies! :))

Despite it all, Harry is always in good spirits! He is an inspiration to me. Your kids can teach you a lot. He has been sick for almost 7 months straight, but he still giggles and smiles and enjoys every minute. And yes, I am aware that he hasn't had a chance to be jaded or hurt or fearful of what lies ahead, but that is what I love. He doesn't worry about the next minute or the next hour or the next day. He feels safe and he knows he will be taken care of. He just wants to have fun.

I want to be more like that. I want to find that feeling of safety and peace. I work for it, I strive toward it. I search ...I am always searching for it ...

I'll find it!

Raise your hand if you're tired (if I could raise my hand any higher, my arm would fall out of the socket)!

2011-07-12T11:00:00.000-07:00

So, hello bloggy friends! I guess I am averaging one post every 2-3 weeks these days. Summer is busy with Max being out of preschool. I am trying to find activities for him everyday so we don't all go insane. HOWEVER! I am going to try to write every day this week! Starting today (I meant to start yesterday, but I was busy doing something, although I'm not sure what and I will probably never remember).

So, today is all about updating everyone on Max. Tomorrow, I will update everyone on Harry and all his physical ailments (if I can remember them all). After that, we will just have to see what flies out of my brain.

Ah, Max. My sweet, sweet 2 year old who is about to turn 3 next month. The terrible twos have definitely proven true with him. Someone told me the other day that age three is just the terrible twos with more words. I almost fell down in the grass and rolled myself into the street. I was hoping for a break when he turned three. I am going to keep holding on to that dream!

The past three weeks have actually been easier with him. He has seemed more balanced, less anxious, not quite as hyperactive. He has been playing independently more often and has been less aggressive toward his brother. He still has trouble with social play with other children - he has no boundaries and assumes they don't either. He acts as if every child should automatically play with him, while other children are a bit more apprehensive with people and children they don't know.

Max does everything with gusto and aggression. He is always smiling, he is NEVER in a bad mood, he is pretty much always playful. He approaches life with passion and I hope he always does. He can scare other children with his aggressive approach to play and his desire for attention - he will reach out and touch other kids while they may not appreciate his way of saying hello. Max is a pretty awesome kid.

And while the past 3 weeks have seemed easier, this doesn't mean that he hasn't pulled some of his typical 2 year old boy antics in the last few days.

On Saturday, my husband was cleaning something with Pine Sol and he left the FULL bottle sitting on the living room floor while he went into the next room. And naturally, being a 2 year old boy, Max took the fully concentrated bottle of PineSol and dumped it out all over our living room floor. LUCKILY, he missed the rug and only spilled it on the fireplace tile and the hardwood floor. But anyone who has smelled concentrated PineSol knows how strong the smell is - today is Tuesday and we still can't get the chemical smell out of the house.

Also on Saturday, while I was trying to put Harry down for bed, Max took a red magic marker and drew all over the back of our couch! I think he was jealous because I was holding Harry in order to put him to sleep, so when I left the room, Max acted out for attention. Little stinker!

Now food. Max has stopped eating breakfast. And I have stopped trying to force him to eat. Since he started eating solids 2 1/2 years ago, I have tried to force him to eat. He just isn't an eater. His sensory issues really come out with food. And until recently, every meal and every snack he ate ended up on the floor. EVERY TIME. Three meals and two snacks a day ended up on the floor because he didn't want to eat and he was acting out. I was CONSTANTLY cleaning up the floor and the walls around the table. Some days, I just didn't bother. I was too tired of it.

Well, 2 or 3 weeks ago, Max's developmental therapist's supervisor came to our house to observe and she was wonderful with her advice. She helped me so much. She told me not to feed him until he was really hungry and cut out his snacks. If he doesn't want breakfast, no big deal. And the first time he throws his food on the floor, say, "If you throw your food on the floor, that tells Mommy you are finished." And then take his plate away and make him leave the table. Since I started doing this, it has worked like a dream! Food hardly ever ends up on the floor now unless it is an accident (with me, anyway - he still does it with my husband). The first time I threaten to take away his plate, he begs me not to and is very careful to keep his food on the table.

I guess I just needed permission from someone - someone to tell me it is okay for him not to eat sometimes. To discipline him by taking away his food. As his mommy, I have always stressed about his eating because he has never eaten well. His texture issues with food have kept him from expanding his food horizons and it has been a constant worry of mine. This woman gave me permission to not worry about it which in turn has helped me teach Max the proper way socialized people eat at the table! I am so grateful!

He has eaten gluten-free waffles and two bowls of frozen bluberries everyday for lunch for a week and I am not stressing about it!! :)

This has turned into a longer post than I intended, so I'd better skidaddle!

Surprise! It's A Wedding!

2011-06-27T13:43:00.000-07:00

So, again, I have been missing for a couple of weeks! I have been busy, busy.

After I got the stomach flu, my sinus infection got worse, so I began taking antibiotics, which upset my stomach and gave me the you-know-whats, so I had to stop taking them, and then I finally got better and am now healthy once again. Thank goodness.

THEN, my best friend of 12 years, Liz, got married! (It was a surprise!)

She was supposed to get married next month in Florida with only their families attending and was having just an engagement party with friends this past weekend. However, one week before the party, she and her fiance, due to family drama that circles around divorce and parents who act like children (:)), decided to forgo Florida and surprise everyone with a wedding at the engagement party!

So, she called and asked if I would be her matron of honor, which I was so stoked about!, and I had one week to find a dress! Yikes!

Here are some photos of the big day:

This is the bride, Liz, and I

This is my husband, Steve, and I

This is my son, Max, on the after-ceremony hayride! He got so excited when we took off down the hill to feed the cows!

And these are the fireworks they shot off to celebrate Liz and Brandan's marriage! It was AMAZING! And it was a perfect evening for a party!

Congratulations Liz and Brandan! I love you!

I said "fake injury" not "real illness"! Geez, get it right, Universe.

2011-06-16T12:48:00.000-07:00

So, I didn't realize I had such pull in the Universe. In my last post, I asked for a fake injury in order to get some sleep. And I got that...sort of.

Instead, I got the stomach flu. Which in itself, was no picnic and I certainly felt injured.

At one point, I had to throw my husband out of the bathroom with his face half-covered in shaving cream because I was about to throw up all over him. It wasn't pretty.

However, I did get some sleep. My mom and aunt came over to take care of the boys ALL DAY (thank you so much Mom and Brenda!!!), and I was able to quarantine myself in our bedroom.

The cable is, for some unknown reason, not working in our bedroom and I was able to lie in bed for hours with no TV, no computer, no music, no yelling children, no one asking me for chocolate milk, no one needing me for anything. Total silence.

Do you understand what I am saying??? This mother of two little boys was able to spend a day in TOTAL SILENCE.

And despite the nausea and the vomiting, I have to say it was worth it.

So, thank you, Universe. Thank you for my day spent in total silence. Now, tomorrow, I would like a million dollars. I expect it on my doorstep when I wake up. Thanks!

I need a fake injury so I can hide out in the hospital and get some sleep. Any ideas?

2011-06-14T12:15:00.001-07:00

So, I've been MIA in the blogging world for the last three weeks. Where have I been? I feel like I've been in a mental institution, but then again, I am the mother of two boys ages 2 and under, so where else would I feel like I am? A spa? Only if you count getting hit in the back with a light saber as a massage and slipping in a puddle of toddler pee as a whirlpool bath.

No, I haven't been at a spa. You could say I have been in toddler Somalia where there is no real government, total chaos, and everything is a free for all. Oh, and there's a tiny 2 year old pirate wreaking havoc and torturing the locals.

Or, you could say I've been in the Dagoba system with Yoda where it is swampy and dark and full of vines to hang yourself with.

Or you could say I've been stuck in a biology lab where the short professor with the Empire Strikes Back lunch box and the Darth Vader shirt makes you learn about the digestive system by changing his poopy diapers and mopping his pee off the floor.

Or, you could say I've just been at home with my boys. But, that's not as interesting.

The last 3 weeks have been busy now that Max is out of preschool and home with me EVERY DAY (if you had heard me say that last sentence instead of just reading it, you might have heard a tiny bit of desperation in my voice).

And, both boys have been sick. Max was very sick last week with a bacterial infection. His fever got up to 104.4 degrees, which scared me to death. I have also been sick with a mild sinus infection, which is sine-u-sucky, however, everytime I blow my nose, my 9 month old son laughs hysterically, so that's a plus.

Max had a speech test through the educational co-op last week, but he didn't qualify for ST. His speech has improved dramatically in the last 6 months! We are trying to figure out what to do about his OT and PT after he turns 3 in a couple of months. His therapy will no longer be covered under Early Intervention, but he will still have a developmental therapist go to his preschool once a week in the fall and work with him on his social skills through the educ co-op.

My next big project will be to fill out all the forms and make all the necessary phone calls to try to get him qualified for OT and PT financial assistance after he turns 3. I am really dreading it. I have had to jump through so many hoops over the last few months already, and now I have more ahead of me. The government doesn't like to make it easy for us mothers, do they?

Max's behavior has been very challenging the last couple of weeks, as well. It started when his routine was throw off by getting sick and not attending preschool for the summer. Now, that he is well again, he hasn't gotten back on the "good choices" train yet. I'm starting to think that train might have left the the station. Chug-a-chug-a-Choo choo! Bye bye!

We have had a lot of difficulty with his aggression and he has all but refused to eat the last 2 weeks. Last night at dinner, we got him to eat 2 slices of cheese and some bites of turkey - that was the most he had eaten in days!

He has been putting me through 1-2 hour bedtime battles every single nap and nighttime and NOTHING will persuade him to stay in bed. NOTHING. Taking away things. Revoking priveledges. I even tried spanking once and we aren't spankers. He just looked at me and laughed.

He has been extremely jealous of his little brother, too, which is bringing out his aggression BIG TIME. His jealousy has gotten so bad that I can't even talk on the phone or talk to another adult without him acting out and yelling at us to "Stop talking you guys!" I try to spend extra time with him without Harry, but I can't always do that.

So, if yall don't hear from me for a while, you might send someone to check on me. I might've been tied to a tree by my 2 year old while he sets the house on fire and sells his little brother to a band of traveling gypsies (I think I might have an obsession with gypsies - I talk about them a lot, don't I?).

We made it five years? You're kidding.

2011-05-26T12:16:00.001-07:00

So, I am the first one to get up every morning (besides my 2 year old, Max, who usually wakes ME up). Then, I feed Harry, get Max some milk, turn on the TV so Max can watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and I begin to make lunches and make breakfast. Then, I get my husband up. I am his alarm clock.

Well, this morning was a little chaotic, so I wasn't able to be gentle about it. I marched into the bedroom and said, "Get up. I need your help. Max just peed on the floor and Harry is crying for a bottle!"

And so my husband rolled out of bed and said, "Happy Anniversary! I was hoping for breakfast in bed, but I guess mopping up pee and a crying baby are all I get!"

And then we both started laughing. I had totally forgotten that it is our anniversary today.

We aren't celebrating it until this weekend (we get to go away for a whole night!), so I forgot amidst the chaos of my household. Oops.

I couldn't have asked to marry a better man. Really, I couldn't have. That isn't to say that he doesn't do some things that make my skin crawl (like slurping cereal, gulping his coffee, leaving water on the bathroom and kitchen floors, dumping food in the sink even though we don't have a garbage disposal, shoveling popcorn in his mouth like each piece is an antidote to some kind of poison...to name a few), but I am incredibly lucky and blessed.

(And I'm sure there are things about me that drive him crazy, but we won't talk about those, will we? No, we won't.)

He is funny, kind, gentle, loyal, and he loves me and our kids more than anything. He is an amazing, loving father. He is always willing to play with the boys, take them fun places like Chuck E. Cheese, take them to the park, or just take them grocery shopping. He does everything he can to never be away from us for a whole night.

Two or three times a month, he has to travel over 3 hours away for work. And instead of driving there at 8 am, working a half day, spending the night, working a half day the next day and then driving home at a decent hour, he instead gets up while it is still dark, drives over 3 hours, works a full day and then drives home over 3 hours at night, just to avoid having to be away from us overnight. Isn't that sweet?

Happy 5th Anniversary, Steve! I love you!

Touche

2011-05-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

So, last night I told my husband that I thought my birth control pills might be the cause of my recent 10 pound weight gain, and he said, "Yes, if birth control pills make you eat Rolos and gluten-free cookies, then yes, your birth control pills made you gain 10 pounds."

Damn him. Touche.

Wordless Wednesday, but they're never really wordless, are they?

2011-05-18T08:14:00.001-07:00

So, after I wrote my last post about Max's wonderful advances, yesterday was a day from hell where he was super aggressive toward his brother, he was extremely hyperactive, and he wouldn't eat. However, I have seen the light and I am not discouraged!

Moving on, Harry had tubes put in his ears a couple of weeks ago. My baby can finally hear again!! He had an ear infection from the end of January to the end of April, so tubes were the only way to go. Look how sweet he is in his hospital gown!

The surgery normally only takes a few minutes, however, his surgery lasted longer because the doctor didn't expect his ear canals to be so tiny. Apparently, they are teeny!

After the surgery, he cried for about 30 minutes after waking up from the anesthesia because he was so disoriented. Broke my heart!

It was wonderful when we came home because for the first time in months, he could hear again! The afternoon of the surgery, my husband closed a door in the house and Harry jumped! And when the dog barked, he startled. He had to get used to hearing noises again.

I am so grateful that he is better and can enjoy the gift hearing once again!

Click!

2011-05-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

So, I know I said I was going to write about my youngest son's tubes surgery, but I will have to do that next time. I am so excited to share this news with everyone.

Something has clicked. A light has clicked on. In my son. I don't know if it is the B Complex vitamins and the amino acid blend we have been giving him for the last two weeks. I don't know if it is that therapy is finally starting to pay off. I don't know if it is partly that he is getting a little bit older. I don't know what it is, but something is WORKING!!!

After two weeks of toddler turmoil, this past week has been a whirlwind of happy emotions in our house that haven't been around for a long time.

For the past week, Max has been almost like a balanced child. He is still himself, playful and FULL of energy, but he is more focused, more controlled, less aggressive, less impulsive, and his speech has improved. All of a sudden last week, at 7:30 am, he told me he wanted to eat. He never does that. I asked him what he wanted and he said a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He has never asked for that. So, I said, "Are you sure? For breakfast?" And he said, "Yes, sure." Then, he went and sat down in his dining room chair without me having to beg him or force him to get in.

I felt like someone was playing a joke on me. I thought, "Is Max tricking me?" But no, I made the sandwich and at 7:45 am, he ate all of it. Then, that afternoon, he ate pizza rolls.

These are both multi-textured foods. He has never been willing or ABLE to eat multi-textured foods.

From that day on, he has been changing like crazy. He has been less distressed. He has been eating!! Everyday!! Real food! Saturday, he ate 2 1/2 pieces of pizza at Chuck E. Cheese. He has never eaten a piece of pizza in his life no matter how hard we have tried. And he sat still at Chuck E. Cheese long enough to eat! Yesterday, he ate a bowl of blueberries and THREE waffles - then asked me for a fourth one!

He hasn't lashed out at his brother at all for a week. Not even one little smack on the head. And as a matter of fact, he has been watching out for Harry, making sure we are all careful around him when he is on the floor.

He has been asking to go to his room and play with his toys. And he will play with them for hours. He has never actually played with his toys - he has just carried them around with him. And today, for the first time ever, I heard him actually playing pretend with his Star Wars characters and making up conversations between them! I just sat and listened to him in disbelief.

And today, when I picked him up from preschool, his teacher said that for the first time in a long time, he didn't try to hit any other kids and he didn't have to go in time-out at all! She said he was extremely good and balanced all day.

This past Saturday, we took him to a swimming birthday party. It was at a pool, so of course, he loved it!

The thing that shocked us was that he actually SAT DOWN and was STILL and ate food with the rest of the kids! Look at him in the picture below! That is him in front of the window - the only boy at a table full of little girls! He is so small compared to the girls.

He, again, has never sat still at a birthday party and eaten with the rest of the kids. He is the only child who is still up running around and quickly becoming overstimulated. This time, when it was time to eat, he got out of the pool, picked his chair, and went to town on his snacks and cupcake.

And it is amazing how much his speech has improved this week. It is like he had all these words trapped inside his mouth and now he is finally able to get his brain to tell his mouth to spit them out. He has been saying complete sentences and telling us stories about his day. He was never able to tell us stories before because he just didn't have the capabilities.

The mood in our house has been completely different this week. We have all been smiling more, actually laughing!, I have enjoyed being a mother and staying home with my boys. The energy of the house is lighter and I have more energy left at the end of the day because I'm not having to constantly prevent or put out fires and my stress level is lower. I actually had enough energy left last night to mop the floors after the kids went to bed!

I have been crying at completely unexpected times because I am so proud of him and so grateful that he is feeling some peace.

Last Thursday after his OT session, his therapist told me that he is finally starting to understand the emotion of being "sad" and how you should treat someone who is sad. He used to become angry or laugh at someone who was crying. He just didn't understand - he has always had a disconnect with emotions. But now, she said he was asking the "sad people" in therapy if they were okay and patting their hands. I was so happy while she was telling me this that I started crying in the middle of the waiting room! It meant so much to me that somewhere in that precious head of his, a light has switched on.

And, for his sake, I hope it never turns off.

He is an amazing, playful, courageous child and I want everyone to be able to see his light like we do and be able to look past his difficulties.

He is a bright, bright light. And Mommy is oh so proud.

Mother's Day wears me the heck out!

2011-05-09T12:59:00.000-07:00

So, oh Mother's Day. Doesn't it always turn out more exhausting than it should?

Well, maybe not for everyone, but for me, yes. I still haven't recovered.

The day started out pretty great! I got to sleep in until 10 am!! That is unheard of in my house. I am always awake by 7 am. Most days, I am awake by 6 am. At 10, Max came into my room wearing this waiter's hat and carrying "Mommy's Menu." How cute is he? I got to circle what I wanted for breakfast on the menu and then my husband cooked it!

But, that is where the relaxation ended. Max wanted me to get up, so I did. No breakfast in bed. Then, he tried to crawl on the table and eat my breakfast, he tried to spill my coffee, he tried to pour soy creamer in my green tea, then we had to rush to get ready to go to my husband's sister's house. During the rush to get ready, Max's sensory seeking issues stepped in and he started hitting my 8 month old. When I put him in time-out, he kicked me, hit me, bit me, spit at me, he thrashed around, he screamed, he cried, it was a nightmare. Suddenly, he jumped in my lap and said monsters were scaring him and he curled up in a ball and cried.

It was exhausting for both of us. He was so distressed and I got ANOTHER stress headache. I have had one everyday for the last 2 weeks.

Max has been regressing the last 2 weeks to old aggressive patterns of behavior and he has also developed new sensory issues. The tags in his clothes now bother him. His pajama tops and bottoms have to match every night or he has a meltdown. All noises are suddenly too loud. He isn't eating well again and he wakes up crying during his naps and in the middle of the night. He has absolutely no impulse control. He is hitting himself in the head again and he is hitting others again. He has also begun to have meltdowns several times a day.

I spoke to one of his occupational therapists this morning and she said to just keep consistent with his punishments and keep brushing his skin and doing his joint compressions. But, we lost his brush over the weekend, so I have to wait to get another one tomorrow at his next therapy session. She also said she would check on the status of his referral to the center that will evaluate and officially diagnose him.

We have started giving him B Complex vitamins twice a day and giving him an amino acid blend called "Brain Calm" at night with dinner to balance out his nervous system. The brain calm is supposed to take several weeks to take effect, though.

Anyway, I think Mother's Day should be called Mother's Morning. 10 am is the latest I have ever been able to relax on this day. My husband was so exhausted from having to get up with the kids (he isn't used to that!) that he had to take a nap in the afternoon while I took care of the kids. ON MOTHER'S DAY!

I hope the rest of you had a great Mother's Day! I did have a good time at my sister-in-law's house and later in the evening when my mother and aunt came over for dinner. I am just tired today.

I will try to post again soon about my youngest son's ear tubes surgery!

What's the going rate for a 2 year old these days?

2011-05-04T13:19:00.000-07:00

So, I am selling my 2 yr old to the next band of gypsies that come to town.

And no, don't try to talk me out of it. I've made up my mind.

Not that I have ever seen any gypsies in my town. But if I do, I'm selling my 2 year old for a book of curses and some gumbo.

I think a demon has possessed my child. The last 2 days have sent my anxiety through the roof!!
Max has been extremely filled with tantrums...lots of kicking, hitting, crying, refusing, yelling, throwing, and whatever else he isn't supposed to do - HE HAS DONE IT!

Besides all the tantrums he threw yesterday, he also did this: I went to the bathroom and almost fell because I slipped on a large pool of hand soap that he pumped out all over the floor!

He fought me about taking a nap yesterday and today, too. AND...

about thirty minutes ago, while I THOUGHT he had been napping peacefully for the last hour, he wasn't actually napping at all, but doing this:

pumping and smearing lotion all over the nightstand in my bedroom. And all over the floor. And all over the sheets on my bed. And all over the sides of my trashcan.

Michael J. Fox is now very moisturized.

The upside to all of this is that it still doesn't occur to him to lie. He never lies about what he has done.

"Max, why is your brother crying? What did you do?"

"I hit him in the head." or "I pushed him down."

"Max, where is your Toy Story penguin?"

"I put him down the hole. He's gone." (the "hole" is the air vent in our kitchen)

"Max, why is this remote broken?"

"Because I threw it."

So, when he came into the living room with his hands completely covered in a white substance, I asked him what he had done. And he said, "Come here, Mommy. I show you."

My stomach was in knots as I followed him down the hall. What was I going to have to clean up now? I had already cleaned up the yogurt he dumped on the floor at breakfast and the refried beans he smeared all over the table at dinner last night.

I couldn't figure out what he could have done because I always close the bathroom doors when he sleeps just in case he tries to sneak out of his room and play "bath" in the toilet.

He led me down the hallway to my bedroom and I wanted to kick myself for not closing my bedroom door. He walked around to my side of the bed and said, "Look Mommy!" And then I saw poor MJF covered in lotion, along with my pillow, my sheets, my other books, my chapstick, my health insurance information, and everything else I had in the vicinity.

Not that I wouldn't have been able to figure out that he was the culprit if he hadn't already told me. Those two rectangles you see in the bottom right hand corner of the picture are his Han Solo frozen in carbonite statues from Star Wars. He never goes anywhere without them.

Dead giveaway.

But, now that I think about it, I'm not sure selling him to gypsies would be such a good idea.

Since gypsies travel so much, they might not be able to get him his special chocolate soy milk and regular dairy milk mixture that he likes so much. Or his Scooby Doo fruit snacks. And I bet they would get tired of hearing about how Han Solo was frozen in carbonite. And what if they didn't know the words to "Rainbow Connection"? He can't sleep without hearing that song. And if he got a boo-boo, would they have Spiderman band-aids?

Yeah, maybe I'd better keep him. After all, what would I do if I wasn't cleaning up after him all the time? Have a life? Nah, what mother wants that.

I'd rather have slobbery night-night kisses and messy hugs. Definitely.

The Starbucks Fairy

2011-05-02T13:38:00.000-07:00

So, when I went through the Starbucks drive-thru today to get my usual tall coffee with soy milk (my coffee orders don't require several deep breaths and a modern dictionary on coffee abbreviations), the lady at the window said that the woman in the car in front of me had paid for my coffee!

And I started crying! Aye yi yi.

I wish I could tell that woman in the white SUV how much her kind gesture meant to me - how much she improved my energy, my mood, my dreary morning.

I was having kind of a rough morning for several reasons: one, it was raining. Again. It seems that it has done nothing but rain here in the South for weeks.

two, when the nurse weighed my son before his ear tubes surgery last Friday (I will write more about that later), she had to weigh me holding him and then weigh me alone because they didn't have a baby scale. And that was the first time I have been weighed in about 6 months. And I found out I have gained 10 pounds.

So, THAT'S what happens when you are consistently overwhelmed by taking care of a home and two young children as a stay-at-home mom with no intellectual stimulation and no real feeling of usefulness and so you eat handfuls of chocolate to self-medicate. Got it.

three...kinda goes hand-in-hand with number two... I had just been to the mall to try on clothes. Ugh. Something I used to love, but now, not so much. I looked at my midsection in the mirror at Express and my muffin top told me that the extra 10 pounds make me irresistible to men from Jersey Shore and bears, so I left feeling fat and dejected.

And then! The Starbucks Fairy!

Thank you, Starbucks Fairy. Bless you and thank you. You made my morning. Now, I hope I can pay it forward. Maybe I could feed myself to some starving bears. I've heard muffin tops are delicious.

I'm. Not. Cool.

2011-04-23T06:00:00.000-07:00

So, I just read my mom's latest blog post, "Uh...Where Do I Live Again?" about her struggle with getting older, and it got me thinking again about what I was thinking about last night as I was trying to go to bed (deep breath), and that is...

I'm older and not cool at all anymore.

Now, I know this is inevitable and aging is not a choice. I actually don't mind aging, the actual number of years I have been on this earth. My birthdays are never depressing for me. I love my birthday!! Forty is in my near-future and my husband turns 40 this year, but I am pretty okay with it. What I am not okay with is the way my body has changed, how it is harder to get well when I am sick, how my joints hurt, how I can't see when I drive at night, and how my coolness factor has greatly diminished by looney leaps and brainless bounds.

Not cool.

Instead of reading W, Elle or Vogue magazine with the latest runway fashions and "What Your Man Really Thinks About Your Body" sex quizzes, I now curl up in my oversized unsexy sweats to read Family Circle and All You with their coupons for Poise Pads and advertisements for Lane Bryant.

Coolness factor going down.

I saved $20 at the grocery store last week with coupons and I was so happy about it that you would have thought I had achieved world peace.

Not cool.

This morning, I forgot the word for "belt" and last night I had to ask my husband the word for "tongs" because I was trying to tell my son what they were called and I couldn't remember. Two days ago, I almost put coffee in my son's bottle TWICE and I forgot my 2 year old's name for a few seconds last week.

Not cool.

I used to dress very well, had the latest fashions, and I was thin and sort of in shape. Now, I hardly have any clothes left that fit me after having 2 kids, my boobs are like 2 hanging socks with golf balls at the bottom, my stomach is all stretched out from GROWING 2 HUMAN BEINGS, I only might wear a bathing suit if you pay me 2 million dollars, and several times I have left the house and gotten in the car still wearing my house shoes. I am waiting for the day when I forget to put on my pants. I have even forgotten to care about panty lines. Yesterday, I noticed I had terrible panty lines and then realized I hadn't looked at that aspect of my appearance in months. Who knows how many days I had been walking around with 4 butt cheeks instead of two?

Really not cool.

I do wonder sometimes if my best days are behind me. Not just as far as my appearance goes, but also as far as fun goes. My twenties were the bomb. I had some very hard times in my 20's, but I also had so much fun and made a lot of great memories. I was unattached, fairly irresponsible, and I absolutely knew how to have a good time!

I can't really say that about my 30's. My 30's have been tough and, for the most part, not very fun. I wouldn't mind if I forgot most of my thirties. I have had some wonderful life-changing events in my 30's, like getting married and giving birth to my perfect sons (yes, I said PERFECT), but my 30's have also been very challenging and disappointing and I haven't laughed much this decade.

I have spent much of this decade feeling unprepared and stressed and overwhelmed.

In my mother's blog post, she talks about her stress coming out in her dreams, and mine have as well. Two nights ago, I had a dream that I agreed to sing at a charity event and then forgot I agreed to do it, so when the night of the charity event came, I panicked when I realized I was completely unprepared and didn't know the music or the words to the song (which was, ironically, "If I Could Turn Back Time" by Cher...).

Anyway, I can try to get my body back when my kids stop wearing me the hell out, I'm afraid my coolness is gone forever, but I sure hope the fun isn't gone forever, too. My version of fun would be different these days - it used to be wearing a super cute outfit and going out to dinner and drinks and maybe hit a few bars with my friends. Now, my version of fun would be having endless amounts of money at Disneyworld with my family and a full-time nanny in tow.

Not cool. I know.

If I had a housekeeper, well, that would be so much fun that it might push me to the brink of blissful happiness. Forget cute outfits, nights out on the town, and vacations - I will settle for a good push-up bra and someone to clean my boy-ridden toilets. I hate how boys (and I am including grown men in this) can't seem to pee IN the toilet. How big of a target do they need?

Ah, bliss.

I need an interpreter to talk to my husband

2011-04-20T18:03:00.000-07:00

Men. Women. Mars. Venus. Made of snails and puppy dog tails. Made of everything nice.

Opposites.

So, the communication breakdown between my husband and I is sometimes...well...maddening.

It can make me want to rip off my skin and go running into the river with a ball and chain tied to my ankles.

Yesterday was no exception.

Yesterday, we had to drive, in separate cars, 45 minutes away to our son's ENT tubes consultation. My husband knew how to get there and I did not.

I asked him to tell me which exit we take off the interstate in case we got separated. He said, "Not sure of the number. Just follow me."

My husband drives long distances for a living, so he is used to flying down the interstate and not waiting for anyone.

Which is exactly what he did when I was supposed to be following him.

He switched lanes to pass an RV that was pulling a trailer at a time when I couldn't switch lanes behind him - there was a line of cars coming too fast toward me in the passing lane. So, I had to wait. And wait. And wait.

By the time I passed the RV, I couldn't even see my husband's car anymore. So, I called him on his cell.

"Where are you??!! I can't even see your car in front of me!"

"What, are you driving backwards or did you just turn around and go home?"

(sarcasm not appreciated)

"I couldn't get around the RV! You switched lanes and didn't pay attention to see if I could follow."

"You could have switched lanes."

"No, I couldn't have."

"How fast are you going?"

"70"

"Can't you go 75 or 80?"

"No, because our infant son is in the backseat!"

My husband speeds. I do not. He hates driving with me.

"I'll just pull over and wait for you."

"You can't just pull over on the interstate! I'll pass you! Just stay on the phone with me and tell me the number of the exit when you find it!"

"You don't think I could catch up to you? I'll just pull over."

"No, just tell me the exit number."

About that time, I passed him. He had pulled over on the shoulder.

"Why did you pull over? I told you not to!"

"This is just easier. This way you can stop panicking. Just follow me."

"Don't lose me this time! Pay attention, please!"

etc. You get the idea. I also have no sense of direction, if you hadn't figured that out.

Anyway, when it was time to leave the ENT's office, I couldn't remember how to get back to the interstate. My husband was going to work and wasn't driving back into town with me.

"How do I get back to the interstate?"

"Just get on this road here and follow it to the highway. Then turn left."

"What road?"

"This road right here! The one I am pointing at."

"I don't see how to get to that road."

"Just back your car out and turn left, then right. The entrance to the road is right here!"

"Where?! I don't see it!"

"Do you see that car? See that car driving down the road? See it? That is the road. It is right in front of us."

"Ooooohhh! I thought you were talking about that road over there over the hill!"

"Amy. Oh my God. That is a walking trail. Geez."

Yeah, that's what I say. Geez.

That is one serious baby you've got there

2011-04-14T12:15:00.001-07:00

So, "That is one serious baby you've got there!" said someone to me at the grocery store. Well, true. He is a pretty serious, sensitive, focused little man. The complete opposite of my older son. Max, my 2 year old, would laugh and smile at anything as a baby, and still does! Anything! He was easily distracted, never cried if we took a toy away from him, and always smiled at strangers.

Harry, on the other hand, will smile after you work at a for a little while, he is incredibly focused and cries if you take a toy away from him. He wants only THAT toy and no other toy will do. He cries when strangers stare at him. And he would love it if I could hold him ALL THE TIME.

Max is a happy-go-lucky Leo and Harry is a contemplative Virgo.

Maybe that is why he always looks like he is serious. He is just in deep, deep, analytical thought.

Of course, I have plenty of pictures of him smiling, too. But, I love his little contemplative face. I wonder what he is thinking about. Probably what an awesome mom he has. Yea, that's probably it.

Calling All Plastic Surgeons

2011-04-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

O.M.G.

The infant boy cashier at Walmart just asked me if my 7-month old son is my grandchild.

"Is this your grandbaby?"

"Um...no, my BABY."

"Boy or girl?"

(I thought the outfit might give it away - an army green camo print.)

"Boy."

"How old?"

"7 months"

"Time sure does fly by fast, doesn't it?"

"Yes, yes it does." (apparently faster than I thought)

I had a horrid flashback to the time an elderly security guard at the mall asked me if my sister (who is only 19 months younger than me) was my daughter. And this happened before I had kids.

And then, this morning, my husband told me that I dress like a nun.

"You dress like a nun, now. You don't show off your body anymore."

"What am I going to show off? My deflated boobs or my stretched out stomach? I had two kids in a little over 2 years. Give me a break."

"You could show off your legs?"

"Okay. The next time I have the opportunity to wear a mini skirt and go to a Bon Jovi concert, I will. But, until then, I have to be a little more practical."

Men. I don't see him wearing a mini skirt while he bends over to heft up loads of my laundry or while he chases our 2 year old around the backyard.

So, according to the cashier and my husband, I look old enough to play the Mother Abbess in the Sound of Music.

Looks like I'd better start learning the words to "Climb Every Mountain." And soon. Does anyone have the sheet music I can borrow?

rEcess!

2011-04-06T08:38:00.000-07:00

So, last week, Max went to his first rEcess night!

rEcess is a monthly respite night provided for special-needs children twelve and under. It gives the parents of these children a night out and provides the children with tons of fun!! Each child is assigned an adult "buddy" for the night so that each child gets one-on-one attention.

rEcess was initiated by 99 Balloons, a non-profit organization started by Matt and Ginny Mooney after their son, Eliot, passed away from Trimsomy 18 after 99 days on this earth. They released 99 balloons at his funeral. If you would like to read more about 99 Balloons or rEcess, click here.

Max had a GREAT time!! He is ALWAYS happy to see me when I show up, but when I picked him up from rEcess, he threw his body on the floor and started crying! He cried all the way home in the car, saying, "I want go back! I want go back!" When we got home, he refused to get out of the car. I had to drag him in the house kicking and screaming. He cried in the house and didn't want us to touch him. He didn't calm down until he saw that Blue's Clues was on and then he started to dry his tears and sit on my lap. It is hard to explain to a 2 yr old that he will get to go back, just not for another month.

He was also exhausted when he got home. rEcess lasts from 6-10 pm, and even though I picked him up at 8:30, he was still beyond tired! He had so much fun!!

I am so grateful for this program. Not only does it give my husband and I time to give Harry, or each other, some undivided attention, but it also provides Max with an evening of fun, playing, and socializing. As his parents, we don't have to explain his behavior there. If he is aggressive, overstimulated, hyperactive, or has a meltdown, the volunteers know why and they expect it. It gives us such peace of mind to know that he is in a place where he is completely accepted and understood.

He loved it and the kindness of the volunteers that make this evening possible are the best kind of angels.

My pledge to M and H

2011-03-27T20:48:00.001-07:00

Having children has left me so vulnerable.

Some days, I wish they would go away so I can catch my breath.

Then, some nights, I stare at them while they sleep and I cry, terrified that they will go away.

Some days, I just stare at my oldest son while he eats, or at my youngest son while he studies his fingers, and I think, "How did I ever get this lucky? I am so blessed."

Some days, I stare at my son while he tries to kick his younger brother or at my youngest after he has woken up for the fourth time that night, and I think, "I must have been crazy to have kids."

Motherhood is the toughest challenge I have ever faced. And most days, I am a complete failure. My oldest has special needs that sometimes I just can't meet. And because I am so consumed with the needs of my oldest, my youngest has needs that sometimes I just can't meet. And I end most days feeling guilty and either crying, nursing a tension headache, or just completely exhausted.

But...

I can't remember what my life was like before I had my sons. Because it was so meaningless. So trivial. What did I do that was as important as what I am doing now?

Nothing.

My boys are IT.

I heard someone say once that they look at being a stay-at-home mom and motherhood as a privilege, not as a job.

Well, excuse me for saying so, but there are a lot of days that it feels like a job to me. And one I'm not very good at. I can be selfish, I lack patience, energy, stamina, the ability to multi-task...but what I do not lack is love for these babies and a hunger to give them the best lives I can. I love these boys with everything I have. Losing them would be like losing my lungs or my legs. I wouldn't be able to breathe or stand on my own again.

And while I am not always able to show my gratitude, I am always grateful. And so, so in love.

And to my darlings, Max and Harry: even on the days when I yell or have to put you in time-out, make you drink water instead of chocolate milk, seem exasperated, exhausted, or act like I am not going to make it through this day - I do make it, I will make it, and I will always make it for you. I will always make it for you.

And P.S. - if I am ever angry, get your daddy to buy me something and then tell me I'm pretty. It always works.

Luke, I am your father. And I'm in your toilet.

2011-03-25T06:34:00.000-07:00

So, this is what I found floating in my toilet this morning.

The severed head of Darth Vader.

It was a little frightening at first, and then a little funny. I started laughing and my husband said, "Don't laugh! He will do it again for attention! Look how proud he is!" And while this is true, I couldn't help it. The head of Darth Vader greeting me before my morning business is kind of an indication of how this week has gone and I just needed to laugh.

This week is our spring break, therefore, my son is home for the WHOLE week. Monday, he was so impulsive and aggressive that I had a severe migraine (is there any other kind?) by 5 pm and it took 4 Advils and two anti-anxiety pills to make me functional again.

Tuesday, after we arrived home from his PT appt, I found him here in the washing machine. and while that alone isn't a big deal, the problem was that I couldn't get him out without a major meltdown. So, he just stayed in there for a long, long time.

Wednesday, our 6-month old started crying around noon and cried for five hours straight. I couldn't get an appt at the pediatric clinic until 5 pm, so we took him to the urgent care clinic where they had no idea why he wouldn't stop crying. At 5 pm, I took him to the pediatric clinic and they determined that he has his fourth ear infection in a month and a half. So, if he gets another one, he has to get tubes.

When we got home from the doctor, I turned on the oven to start dinner. After 10 minutes, my husband and I could smell something burning. Then, suddenly, smoke started billowing from inside the oven. I opened it up and we found a kitchen towel on fire that Max had stuck in there at some point during the day!

Thursday, after Max's OT appt, we had another appt where we had to take the kids and Max had to miss his nap in order for us to go. Well, that is always a disaster when a 2 year old has to miss a nap. The appt took two hours and the rest of the day was putting out one tantrum fire after another. I fed him dinner early and put him to bed at 6:30 pm. But, he suddenly had a terrible cough which kept him from sleeping well. At about midnight, he woke up crying saying that his tummy hurt and he cried for almost an hour. So, my husband grabbed a pillow around 1 am and slept on Max's floor. Turns out it was just gas because as soon as he passed it, he felt fine and he went back to sleep. Must be scary though to be two years old and not understand why your tummy hurts.

Then, today, Friday, I found Darth Vader's severed head in the toilet.

And it was hilarious.

I wonder what the rest of this week will hold for us. Luke Skywalker's limbs in the DVD player? A puddle of pee on the dining room table? We shall see...should be interesting, for sure!

Happy St. Patrick's Day and Happy Potty Day! We are celebrating both around here!

2011-03-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!

And also, HAPPY POTTY DAY!!

We are celebrating Potty Day around here today because our 2 yr old is officially on Potty Training detail!

I didn't want to start potty training him too soon - I wanted to wait until he showed interest...and at 2 1/2, he has finally started showing signs that he is ready.

Over the weekend, out of nowhere, he started telling us when he needed to pee. So, we would rush him to the bathroom, and he would pee in his little urinal. Yesterday, he started wearing Pull-Ups. And today, he has peed in his urinal twice because he actually came to us and told us he needed to pee!

So far, he won't pee on the actual toilet, so I think most of this is the novelty of peeing while standing up like Daddy and getting to pee in and flush his urinal, but whatever works!

While I am excited about this new chapter in his life, I am also a little on edge because now that he has learned to pee in the urinal, he wants to pee all over the house. He likes to pull down his Pull-Ups and announce to us that he is going to pee. On the living room carpet. So, I have to be on guard, but this is exciting! Maybe someday soon, we will only have ONE child in diapers. Imagine all the money we will save...

Kids don't forget a promise of sugar in their future

2011-03-10T14:24:00.000-08:00

So, last night, after my 2 yr old had come out of his room for about the fiftieth time, naturally trying to avoid bedtime, he came out one more time and caught my husband eating ice cream in the den.

So, naturally again, he ran to the kitchen silverware drawer, pulled out a spoon, and started demanding ice cream. We told him no, he cannot have ice cream when he is supposed to be in bed and after we had brushed his teeth, and we told him he could have ice cream tomorrow. Just not tonight.

He sadly shuffled into his room, holding tight to that spoon, and said, "Okaaaaaay." Very pouty. And very cute.

Fast forward to this morning...my husband had to get up early to go out of town for the day for work. And wouldn't you know it, our son woke up at 6:30 am, shuffled back into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes, barely awake, his hair stuck up from sleep, still carrying that spoon, and looks at my husband through sleepy eyes and says, "I keen. I want my i keen."

How could we say no to that? So, Max had vanilla ice cream for breakfast. Sometimes, you just gotta give in to the cuteness.

Glasses USA! Save me from an ill-fated lawsuit!

2011-03-05T11:13:00.000-08:00

I can see it now. I get my eyeglass prescription, take my 2 yr old and my 6 month old to pick out my eyeglasses, my 2 yr old finds the rows and rows of frames to be his own personal Whack-A-Mole game while my infant cries to be held. Many, many eyeglasses lose their lives during our shopping trip and I get sued by the eyeglass store because I can't afford to pay for all the damages.

I would like to avoid all of that if possible...WHICH is why I will order my next pair of reading glasses online from GlassesUSA.com! I do quite a bit of my shopping online, so I was truly excited to have been contacted by GlassesUSA.com to write a sponsored post about their website. Any time I can find out more information about an online shopping experience that will make my life easier, I am all about it!

I found GlassesUSA.com to be a great place to order discount prescription eyeglasses and cheap prescription sunglasses online! Eyeglasses can be intimidating to try on with so many different frames and colors and a salesperson staring at you while you try on every single pair. I don't like that. I have done it. GlassesUSA takes out all the hassle and stress of buying glasses!

I found their website extremely easy to navigate and I really appreciated all the ways to narrow my eyeglass search and save me time (and let's face it, as a mommy, you know your free time is V-E-R-Y P-R-E-C-I-O-U-S indeed): brand, material, frame size, lens type, price, gender, frame shape, and color!

I personally love their line of cheap designer glasses and I REALLY LOVE the Virtual Mirror where you can upload a picture of yourself and try on all the glasses right from the comfort of your own home! I had a lot of fun with the Virtual Mirror (granted, I may need to get out of the house more) and have already picked out the discount glasses I will order after my next visit to the eye doctor! And I love knowing that their cheap glasses won't break the bank!

Right now, GlassesUSA.com is offering a great discount for those of you who would like to order glasses online! You can save 10% on your next order of prescription glasses with the code: Mommy10! Isn't that great? I know that with my next order of eyeglasses, I will definitely try GlassesUSA.com first.

The Joker

2011-03-04T21:03:00.001-08:00

I'm already down so you can kick me if you want to

2011-03-02T11:17:00.001-08:00

So, aye yi yi.

I have to tell you that if you have anything you want to say to me that you haven't said to me in the past because you were afraid that it might piss me off or hurt my feelings...well, say it now. I'm already down, so go ahead and kick me. And, good for you, I don't have the energy to fight back. So, you can basically say whatever you want and I will take it. Go ahead. This has proved to be beneficial for my husband lately. And my 2 yr old.

If you have been reading my blog or are one of my family members, you know that my husband and I haven't had the best of luck over the last three years. It has been a little rough to say the least. Job loss, unemployment, miscarriage, surgeries, family deaths, money problems, 2 yr old son in multiple therapies, son's behavior on a daily basis, loss of health insurance, my husband has to work two jobs to make ends meet so we never see each other, rent house problems, etc. I could go on. We all have problems, I know. I may be feeling a little sorry for myself though.

Anyway, things haven't changed. Our streak of disappointment continues and I am wondering when we are going to get the ball back. I am tired of playing defense. Or whatever. I don't know anything about sports so my metaphors might not be making any sense. I'll just say this: I'm tired of getting knocked down!

Since the beginning of THIS year, we have discovered that our renter is in jail, therefore cannot pay his rent therefore we have been paying two mortgages for three months. We had to cash out our 401K to live. We found out that my husband's company changed his pay scale and he will now be making EVEN LESS than he was before. He is already working two jobs! We have to sign up for WIC to pay for diapers. We found out from our pediatrician that our 6 month old now needs to begin physical therapy because he cannot sit up at all, not even supported. Not sure how I am going to work that one in, seeing that my older son is about to begin a second hour of occupational therapy and an hour of developmental therapy per week. He already goes to physical therapy, as well.

I am already stretched so thin that I feel as weak as a piece of paper. I am so out of control of my life that I am a complete space cadet and emotional wreck. I have no control over my sons' issues. I have no control over my son's behavior when he gets overstimulated (over the past week, he has been extremely aggressive). I have no control over my home because I don't have the time or energy or pride to clean it, I have no control over our finances because I don't earn any money. I stay at home with my kids and constantly drive them to preschool and multiple therapy appointments. My daily life at home is controlled by my kids and hoping that my 2 yr old will have a good day.

My husband recently had a family member tell him that they don't believe our son has any emotional problems and doesn't need therapy - he just needs better discipline. I almost lost it, I was so angry. Our son isn't a bad kid and we aren't bad parents - it goes beyond that and a little understanding would be appreciated.

However, speaking of discipline, I have become an emotional wreck when it comes to discipline. I am so weak that whenever I put my son in time-out or take away a toy because of his behavior and he cries, then I start crying too. I don't let him see me, but I feel terrible afterwards and I burst into tears after I leave him in his room. I used to be the tough one and the disciplinarian, and now I don't even have the strength to hold it together.

I don't know...maybe deaf heaven will finally start listening to my pleas for help. They have been sent up for three years. Somebody has gotta start listening eventually, right?

I saw an interview with Maya Angelou and she spoke of rainbows in the clouds. And we have had a lot of rainbows in our clouds over the last three years - generous family members, lots of free babysitting, thoughtful friends ...I don't know what I would have done without all the rainbows in my life and I am incredibly grateful for them. Maybe those rainbows are the answers to all my prayers.

I would just like, for once, to be a rainbow in somebody else's cloud. I am tired of people having to help us all the time. I feel like a charity. I want to be able to stand on our own feet for A LONG PERIOD OF TIME - YEARS - and not need help - help somebody else for a change. Write a big check to someone who is struggling. Man, I would love to be able to do that.

For the last few years, I have had a dream of being able to adopt an older child, any race, any age, maybe a girl. My husband and I have talked about it a lot over the years. But, at this rate, we can't afford the kids we've got. I don't want to have to let go of this dream, but I'm losing hope that anything is going to be different for us.

ANYWAY, thank you for coming to my pity party. I don't have any party favors for you, but the offer still stands: you can kick me. However, I would do it soon, because knowing me, I don't stay quiet for long. I will be back to nagging my husband and screaming at bad drivers again before you know it.

Growing Tree Toys: Nest & Stack Buckets Review! (and it's my first review, so please read and give me lots of compliments)

2011-02-23T08:54:00.000-08:00

So, I don't know about you other moms out there, but I am always trying to find hands-on, creative activities to keep my 2-yr old son entertained and stimulated (lest we find him trying to ride our dog around the house like a horse).

Therefore, I was thrilled to get the opportunity to review a product from Growing Tree Toys!

I absolutely love this website and have visited it many times in the past while looking for fantastic toys for my boys. In fact, we already have the Flow N Fill Spout Bath Toy for our son and he plays with it during every bath (he loves to fill a cup with water and then dump it out - what toddler doesn't?)!

Here is an excerpt from the Growing Tree Toys website:

Growing Tree Toys is a specialty toy store committed to providing educational toys that challenge, stimulate, and encourage children to express their creativity. Growing Tree Toys features award-winning, educational toys; stimulating learning toys; baby toys; toddler toys and more...

Here are just a few of the fun toys you can find at Growing Tree Toys!

This Rattling Caterpillar Baby Toy in the Wooden Baby Toys section of their site,

the Playmobil 123 Large Zoo Set in the Toddler Activity Toys (my favorite category - need those activity toys! My son would love this zoo set!)

and this awesome Crocodile Rocker Toy (what toddler wouldn't take a long nap after playing with this? Not that I wish for my toddler to take long naps. Ahem.)!!

As a much appreciated courtesy of Growing Tree Toys, I was sent the Nest & Stack Buckets for review!

I pulled the buckets out in the late afternoon, which is usually the time that my toddler begins to get restless (waiting for daddy to come home, tired of his other toys, tired of hearing me say "No, you can't write on your baby brother with a marker", etc.).

My son is definitely a nester and a stacker. He wore out the nesting blocks we bought him last year, so I knew he would love these buckets! He would love any of their Stacking and Sorting Toys! And sure enough, he did! He stacked them all different ways and played with them for quite a while! I love how the stacking buckets encouraged his creativity.

One cool thing about the nesting buckets is that they nest inside a larger sorting bucket. This bucket comes with four colorful shapes to place inside the lid! This toy is a shape sorter, a nester, and a stacker! Three activities in one toy! Perfect to keep your little one happy and entertained!

Even my 6-month old got in on the

FUN!

I encourage anyone with kids of any age to check out Growing Tree Toys! You are really missing out if you haven't already!

BUY IT: To purchase the Nest & Stack Buckets (currently on sale for $15.95 - Hurry!) or any other toy from Growing Tree Toys, please click here! You will be so happy that you did!

I'm the Loser Preschool Mom. You know, the one the other moms talk about.

2011-02-14T10:35:00.001-08:00

So, first let me say something. This is my first go-around. This is my first child experience. My first being-a-preschool-mom experience. There is no rule book for people like me. People like me whose school-age mommy instincts might be a little off. I never had friends with kids and my sister didn't have kids. I've had no one to learn from.

And before I had my boys, all I worried about on Valentine's Day was where my boyfriend/husband and I were going to go for the big romantic evening. What was I going to wear? Should I buy a new dress? What was he going to get me? Was I going to be disappointed? Was it going to be romantic? What was I going to order at the restaurant? How should I fix my hair?

Now, with kids, I haven't even showered, I don't care what I am wearing, and my husband and I don't care where we eat, as long as we get to get out of the house for a couple of hours, kid-free, and eat something that I didn't cook.

So, keeping this in mind, it might be understandable that I can be the loser preschool mom. I sometimes don't know the rules to being a preschool mommy. Or I might forget the rules that I have learned from watching TV. Ahem.

So, here is my confession. I didn't know the rules of preschool today. You know, the unspoken rule about getting Valentines for the kids in your son's preschool class. Yeah, I missed that one.

When I picked my son up from preschool today, he had a little bag with his name on it, full of Valentines and candy from his classmates. I was mortified. I guess I thought kids only gave out Valentines in elementary school. I didn't realize it applied to 1-2 years olds, as well. My son doesn't even know what a Valentine is. To him, it is just a piece of paper to shred.

I feel awful. My kid is the weird one whose parents didn't splurge for Valentines for everyone. And it isn't like there are a ton of kids in his class so maybe no one will notice. Oh no, there are only 7 kids in his class. You can't help but notice it.

Well, all I can say is that I will know better from now on. And here is a warning to all you new parents who might not have had kids until later in life and have 8 million other things to worry about besides dinosaur Valentines: make the dinosaur Valentines eight million and one. They apparently gotta be done. Whether the kids know what they are or not.

On a lighter note, here is a picture of my 2 yr old on his first Valentine's Day, 2 years ago - he was five months old:

And here is a picture of Harry - today is his first Valentine's Day and he is also five months old!

I can't believe that Harry will start eating solid foods in just a few weeks. The last five and a half months have gone by so quickly! Max was already sitting up by himself by this age, so we put him in his highchair. Harry cannot sit up by himself yet. He doesn't even support himself with his arms. He just falls right over! Not sure how we are going to get him to sit up so we can feed him. He falls over in his Bumbo too! He still has trouble holding up his big ole' head. We will figure out something...

maybe put him in his highchair and stuff a bunch of blankets all around him? How can we keep his head from falling over? These are the questions I ask now on this Valentine's Day. New adventures!

Happy Valentine's Day everybody!

Thank you, Uggs. I have evolved.

2011-02-07T12:01:00.001-08:00

So, I think I have evolved. Just slightly. Part out of necessity, part from age, part from learning what is truly important.

Here is the scene:

I wanted a pair of Uggs. I have wanted a pair of Uggs for years, but couldn't afford them. Didn't care. Still wanted them.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, my husband, out of nowhere, told me I could go buy a pair of Uggs and a couple new pairs of jeans (I've been wearing the same pair of jeans since before my first son was born. Yikes. I think hubby got tired of looking at my sagging butt jeans). I was shocked. I asked why? And he said I deserved them. Whoopee! Thanks for noticing.

So, off we head to the mall, two kids in tow. Now, if you have ever been shopping with your little ones, you know that it sucks and it is not relaxing or enjoyable at all.

My 5 month old was crying out of hunger and having to stay in his stroller. My 2-yr old was crying out of boredom and loss of freedom. But, by God, I wasn't leaving without my Uggs!!

I tried on jeans like a woman on fire. I raced to the shoe store like they were giving out free shoes. With only a few meltdowns by all four of us, we left the mall with my black sweater Uggs and my 2 new pairs of nice jeans. Yes! (said while pumping my fist)

But, after arriving home, I realized that something was terribly wrong. My husband kept asking me if I was excited that I had finally gotten my precious Uggs and new jeans and I kept saying "Yes!" on the outside, but on the inside, I felt nothing. No excitement. No joy. No-thing.

And I realized that I would have been just as happy if my jeans were from Old Navy and my shoes from Target. I actually felt ridiculous for spending such a huge chunk of money on one pair of shoes and some jeans. I felt silly.

Now, you never would have caught my twenty-something self saying anything like this. I had so many pairs of shoes and so much clothing that I took up 2-3 closets all by myself!! But, my 36-yr old self is different. My clothes now take up half of one closet.

Like I said, it is partly age and realizing how ridiculous it is to spend so much money for a brand name. It is partly necessity because over the past few years, my husband and I have had little money and we have had to stop buying things for ourselves - I got used to it.

But, it is mostly that I have realized what is important in my life. Having kids made a big difference. Instead of the most important thing to me being that I appear attractive and stylish to onlookers when I leave the house, now the most important things are my kids and their happiness and their health. Now, I want them to grow up feeling good about themselves. And I feel good about that. I feel practical (and believe me, I have never been practical - I'm a Leo - I like nice clothes and shopping).

As a teenager, I remember my grandmother never buying anything new for herself. She would wear hand-me-downs from my sister and I. She spent her clothing budget on us. I didn't understand that before I had kids. I thought how ridiculous it was that she could afford new clothes, yet didn't let herself feel how wonderful a new outfit can make you feel about yourself.

But, now I get it.

She loved us more than how the clothing made her feel. And she didn't need to spend an ungodly amount of money on clothes and shoes to feel good about herself. It meant more to her that we felt good. Because that is what made her happy.

And I can tell you right now, it makes me happier to see how cute my son is in a new shirt than it will ever make me feel to see how cute I look in a new shirt. I'm not near as cute as my son. :)

And, thank you very much, I believe I have evolved.

Ahem.

Now, don't get me wrong.

There is no way in hell that I am returning my Uggs. I'm not that evolved.

But, I can pretty much guarantee I won't buy them again unless I have a ton of excess money to burn.

And if any of you tell my husband about this, I will deny it and delete this post! Let's not get crazy, now. Men never need to know these things.

(And btw, my new jeans sag just as much as my old cheap ones. Apparently, you can't have a flat butt or I-had-two-babies hips if you want your jeans to fit properly. Expensive jeans can't solve everything.)

"No!"

2011-01-25T10:59:00.000-08:00

So, physical therapy was a disaster today. Poor Max. He just didn't want to be there. He was mad because I wouldn't let him take his Playmobil motorcycle inside with him, but he had been "no-ing" it all day anyway.

"Max, do you want some cereal?"

"No!'

"Max, do you want some toast?"

"No!"

"Max, let's go in your room and get dressed."

"No!"

"Max, do you love Mommy?"

"No!"

"Max, do you dislike Mommy?"

"No!"

"Max, do you want to watch Jack Black on Yo Gabba Gabba again for the 300th time?"

"No!" (which by "no" he really means "yes" as he runs to the television because he is like a crack addict with JB's "Goodbye" song on YGG. A shaking, shivering, going-into-shock-if-we-don't-watch-it-atleast-five-times-an-hour-and-listen-to-it-the-entire-time-we-are-in-the-car crack addict)

Anyway, back to PT. Before we even got in the front door, he was doing the "dead fish" act on the sidewalk. He fell limp on the concrete while I was holding his hand and refused to stand up. When we finally got inside and he saw his therapist, he wouldn't let go of my leg and didn't want to go with her to the back (even though I always go with him).

Once in the PT area, he hid underneath the trampoline, waaaaaaay in the back against the wall where no one could reach him, and refused to come out. He hit the therapist. He tried to jump off the top of the slide. He tried to climb up the slide. He threw his puzzle pieces across the room. He threw several temper tantrums. He fought, he cried. He ran away. It was a mess.

Like I said, I always go to the therapy area with him because he cries and refuses to do ANYTHING if I don't. Well, as far as I am concerned, that just has to stop. He gets distracted by me when I am with him in therapy and he has got to learn that he is safe and will be okay. So today, I snuck away about 30 minutes into therapy and sat in the waiting room. The therapist said he kept asking for me, but he didn't cry. She let him swing and they sang songs to keep him calm. Maybe I will be able to sit in the waiting room from now on. And maybe even someday...I'll be able to run an errand. You never know.

Actual Recent Conversation with my Husband

2011-01-19T12:01:00.000-08:00

So, let me set the scene:

It's the weekend. Early afternoon. I have just stepped out of the shower and realized that I left my robe in our bedroom. I call for Steve's assistance. He is in the living room. Ahem.

Me: Steeeeeve! Can you get my robe? I left it on the foot of our bed.

Steve: Sure.

(returns with robe. Meanwhile, I am in wet towel, freezing my butt off. He begins to hand me the robe, then hesitates and pulls back)

Steve: Oh wait. I forgot. The dog peed on your robe.

Me: What?

Steve: Yeah, I forgot tell you. Meeko peed on your robe yesterday.

Me: You do realize that I wore this robe all morning and you saw me wearing it.

Steve: Yeah.

Me: And you didn't tell me that the dog peed on it yesterday?

Steve: Sorry! I forgot!

Me: I can't believe you didn't tell me that Meeko peed on my robe and I wore a pee-stained robe all morning!

Steve: You can't expect so much from me. Your expectations of me are way too high.

Me: On what planet is trusting your husband to tell you if the dog peed on the robe you are wearing too high of an expectation?

Steve: Well, I can't remember everything.

He was serious.

And he wonders why I sigh heavily all the time.

Cozy Wordless Wednesday

2011-01-12T13:12:00.000-08:00

So, this one will only eat his oatmeal with a measuring cup, likes to wear his Darth Vader pajamas under his clothes to preschool, and loves Jack Black more than me, his daddy, or his little brother. He is my first-born, my life lesson, and my dream come true.

And this one cries at stoplights, cries when he isn't being held, and is currently loving rolling over onto his belly, but then getting stuck and crying. He is my second-born, my big-eyed, smiley sweetie, and also, my dream come true.

Wow. How lucky am I?

The Good, the Bad, and the Dirty Ugly

2011-01-08T10:51:00.000-08:00

So, let's start with the GOOD.

I have been learning more and more about Max's sensory integration disorder, as I mentioned in my last post. I have been reading about various tools we can use to help him with his hyperactivity and his sensitivity to stimuli here at home. Things like a Sit N' Spin. Or a Hippity hop ball. Another blogger told me about Body Sox (thank you!).

Two tools I read about yesterday morning worked really well with Max. One, I read that a warm towel can calm some sensitive kids down. Two, a weighted blanket.

Now, usually when Max has to get out of the shower or the bathtub, he throws a MONSTER fit. I don't know if I have mentioned yet on this blog about his obsession with water. But, he's got one. Big time. He could fill a container with water, pour it out, and refill it over and over again for hours. And yes, our water bill is high.

So, yesterday morning, when he got out of the shower, right as he started to throw his usual tantrum, I quickly wrapped him up in a warm towel straight from the dryer. He immediately calmed down and got a huge grin on his face. After that, he was so easy to get dressed. It was amazing. I did it again last night after his bath and it worked again. I was so relieved. I even tried it again this morning when we were trying to get him dressed, but he was too far gone. I had to distract him with an apple cereal bar in order to get him dressed. Sweet.

Then, at naptime, since I didn't have a weighted blanket, I used a large, heavy crocheted blanket that my mom made for my husband. I wrapped Max up in it like a burrito. Usually, Max sneaks out of his room for one to two hours before he finally falls asleep. But once I wrapped him in that weighted blanket, he was asleep in minutes. I tried it again tonight at bedtime and it didn't work as well, but I will keep trying!!

Good, huh? I have also come to terms with the fact that this is just how it is going to be. Max reacts differently to stimuli and it is going to be more difficult around here. But, as long as I can accept it, know that this is our reality, and that Max can't help it, then possibly I might be able to stay less stressed. I'm crossing my fingers.

Now, for the BAD. Boooooo...

I think my husband has some major karma issues he is having to work out when it comes to money. I never had money problems until I married him. And he agrees. He is wondering what he did in a past life because we can never get ahead. Never. He never could when he was single, either. As soon as we get any money at all, some disaster befalls us and we have to spend it. The bright side is that we do seem to find money somehow right before disaster strikes.

For instance, we got some money from my husband's dad for Christmas. Yay, right? We were like, sweet, we will use this to pay off debt. But, then the Universe stepped in and said, "No, no, grasshopper. You have more lessons to learn." And we find out that the guy who rents our rent house got put in jail and can't pay the rent. We have no idea when he will be let out. And wouldn't you know, the amount of money we got from my father-in-law is exactly the amount we needed to pay the rental mortgage. Hmm.

Then, two days ago, when we discovered that we had $12 in the bank and needed to pay bills, we decided to cash out our 401K. We have held off until now, but like so many Americans, we can't do it anymore. I need health insurance, we have bills. So, that is what we did yesterday. Then, today, we find out we have a leak in our water pipes and had to turn off our water. Mother of Pearl. How expensive is that going to be to fix? My husband and my father-in-law are going to spend today digging up our yard to find the leak. I hope hope hope it is small and easily fixable, but I think my husband must have swindled money in a past life, so I won't hold my breath. The bright side is that we have had money problems for so many years now, that I no longer get upset when talking about it. It is just an emotionless fact.

And now, the DIRTY UGLY.

This is the pile of dirty laundry that is taking over my living room and won't be washed because we have no water. Tsk, tsk. Guess I should have gotten it done in my free time. Oh wait, I don't have any free time. Nevermind.

And this is the milk and ham and cheese that fell onto the dirty, oily parking lot at Walmart when my bag ripped open on the grocery cart and broke. Okay, well, there is no picture because that would have created more unnecessary work for me. So, you can just imagine a carton of chocolate soy milk, a package of deli ham, and some sharp cheddar cheese laying under the yellow lights of a dirty Walmart parking lot. Yuck.

Have a great weekend! I know I will! No laundry to do!

Mother of Pearl.

2011-01-06T12:35:00.000-08:00

So, those of you who continue to read my blog must think I am such a whiner.

But really, I am a pretty happy and optimistic person. I have grown to be that way. As a teenager, I was just as sullen as any other, maybe more so, but as an adult, I have become pretty strong and positive.

However, sometimes, I do get down. And my blog, as unfortunate as it might be for my readers out there, is a way for me to get out my frustrations before I end up jumping from a bridge or running away to stay at a hotel for a few days, telling no one of my whereabouts (I've done that before, by the way. College.)

I don't sugar coat motherhood on this blog.

And of course, it is all about motherhood. Particularly, being a mother to a child with a few more needs than other children. Now, don't get me wrong. I feel incredibly grateful for my children. They are both healthy and happy and such blessings in my life. But, having a toddler with sensory integration disorder and developmental delays can be exhausting. I feel selfish sometimes for getting so exasperated with him, wanting to "check out" for awhile, or wishing I knew for one day what it was like to have a typical child. I mean, at least he is healthy and his conditon could be much worse. And none of it is his fault. But, nevertheless, it is difficult, and some days feel dark and hopeless.

We had his occupational therapy evaluation and he tested off the charts for most categories, especially sensory integration, hyposensitivity to movement, fine motor skills and visual motor skills. I am so grateful that he is going to be getting help for his needs before he goes to public school in 3 or 4 years. I want him to be happy and functional, to be able to control the aggression towards his brother and others, and the frustration he experiences in everyday life, and I want the same for myself. I may need therapy to learn to control my own anger and frustration. But, that costs money we don't have. Until then, crying into my green tea may be my only release.

My life revolves around Max. More guilt, by the way, because I know that my 4-month old, Harry, sometimes gets ignored and can't possibly get all the attention he deserves. We are homebound most of the time because it is impossible to take Max to a restaurant or a movie. It is difficult to take him in public. Period. He has to be strapped down in grocery carts and he is getting too big for that. Plus, if my newborn is with me as well, he needs to sit up front in the cart. So, where does Max go? If I let him walk, I lose him the minute we walk in .

I spend everyday either taking him to preschool, taking him to various therapy appointments, trying to entertain him and keep him busy with "work" related activities, like carrying heavy objects, helping with housework, raking leaves, etc. (these types of activities seem to relax him - I have since learned that this is because heavy work patterns contract a large number of muscles and compress joints, thereby providing activity that helps calm him down), trying to keep him from hurting Harry or our dog, Meeko, constantly supervising his meals so he doesn't throw his food across the room or against the walls. By the end of the night, I have nothing left to give Harry or my husband. I am completely spent.

Some mothers wish their kids wouldn't watch so much TV. I would give almost anything to have mine sit still long enough to watch a Disney movie. Or a whole cartoon from beginning to end.

And I am terrified that Harry is going to grow up timid, untrusting, and frightened of the world around him because he is everyday being hit or having some hard object thrown at him by Max. Harry is much more sensitive and needy than Max ever was.

I have been learning a lot about sensory processing. An inefficient processing system can result in everything that Max has: attention problems, frequent aggression, unpredictable explosions of emotion, poor social skills, poor balance, over response to various stimuli, difficulty maintaining an alert but relaxed state. He is very hyperactive and there were signs when he was a baby. but of course he was too young to know anything back then. As a baby, he would constantly spin his feet when he sat in his stroller or in his highchair. He would also constantly shake his arms and hands while he was in his highchair. He could not be still AT ALL.

My days are really hard and most of them end up with me crying or with a stomach ache because I am so stressed out. I just pray that his therapy helps him and teaches us, as his parents, the skills we need to help him here at home. Our lives can't go on like this. They just can't.

Our sweet Max

Thanks everyone for listening. I appreciate it. I will try to write some more uplifting posts in the future!! But, Mother of Pearl! Can I get a freaking break? Oh yeah, and a money tree? Thanks.

Thank you, Pia. And good-bye.

2010-12-30T09:55:00.000-08:00

So, with the holidays and craziness, I haven't had time to write in about 3 weeks.

This last week has been a tough one. My 2 yr. old threw up 3 times on Christmas Eve morning, then my husband started throwing up and having the Big D (you know what I'm talking about) around 9 pm Christmas night, and then I started with both around 3:30 am that night. We both threw up about every 20 minutes for hours. Every thing in our house that could have been thrown up in was thrown up in.

Then, the following day, my mother got it. We sent our 3 month old to stay overnight with my husband's sister to keep him protected, but a few hours after we picked him up from her house the next day, my sister-in-law started throwing up and had to go to the ER twice! Luckily, our newborn has so far been saved from all of this. Babies are born with such strong immunity.

Then, yesterday, I had to have my dog, Pia, put to sleep. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

She was only six. Her seventh birthday is tomorrow. She had liver failure. She was diagnosed with it in September and had been taking pills ever since. But, in the last month or so, the pills stopped working and she ballooned up with fluid in her abdomen. She has also been using the bathroom on the floor lately because she couldn't make it outside.

I took her to the vet yesterday and he said the pills were not going to help her anymore and from here out, she would be miserable. And I couldn't let her suffer. I've seen dogs suffer because the owners love them too much to have them put down, but I loved her too much to let her suffer. The vet recommended she be put to sleep soon, so I had it done yesterday, before she got too miserable.

Pia was an awesome dog. She was a toy rat terrier and incredibly smart. She had the best instincts. She was kind and loving to kids and she loved me so much. She helped me through some really tough times in my life and she is the one who taught me how to take care of someone else besides myself. She used to lick my face when I cried and she loved to play with her food, like it was a toy. She would take a piece of food, carry it into the living room, and throw it around the room and chase it. She loved going to Grandma's house, loved being outside, and loved taking rides in the car. She knew what I was saying even when I wasn't talking to her. She was the best dog I have ever had and she can never be replaced.

I used to take her to the hair salon where I worked and she would just lie on the receptionist's desk and hang out. She was never a problem.

I'm sad that I only got to be loved by her for six short years. I should have been able to have her much longer.

When the vet left the room to get the anethesia and the meds that stopped her heart, I got to be alone with her and tell her how much I love her and thank her for all the gifts she has given me in the last six years. And then, I held her while she went to sleep.

She was the last bit of my pre-married, pre-parenthood life that I had left. She was the last piece of me that reminded me of who I was before I was making lunches and cleaning thrown food from the walls. And she was the only other estrogen in the house besides me!

I will miss her like crazy and have done more than enough crying in the past two days. And the crying will continue, I'm sure.

She was part of the family. Pia, you will never be forgotten and I love you.

cough, cough Can I Have a Sick Day, Please? No? I didn't think so.

2010-12-09T07:52:00.000-08:00

So, I haven't been sick since March of 2006. Now, 8 days after I cancel my health insurance, I get sick. Duh.

Luckily, this time, I don't have a fever. Just a severe sore throat, nausea, and a runny nose with drainage down my throat. I started feeling bad yesterday morning and it just got worse throughout the day. By bedtime, my throat hurt so bad I couldn't even swallow liquids.

I couldn't sleep last night, plus I had to get up at 4:45 am to feed my son. Then, at 6:15 am, I felt an unnerving presence, like someone was staring at me as I laid in bed trying to sleep. I slowly opened my eyes and saw my 2 yr old standing next to my side of the bed, staring at me. 6:15? Really? He couldn't sleep for just a little bit longer?

I asked my husband to get up with him since I am sick and he did. However, he promptly fell asleep on the den couch, which sent my 2 yr old son right back into our bedroom to get me up. Then, my newborn started crying in his room, so at 7:30 am, I just got out of bed. So much for sleep.

I began to make my son's breakfast and my husband's lunch, then realized that my husband forgot to go to the grocery store last night. So, at 8:30 am, I took my baggy, bloodshot eyes and unbrushed teeth to the store so I could come home and make a dessert and an appetizer for my girl's night out Christmas party tonight, which I wouldn't miss even if my leg got cut off - I'm not missing my once a month opportunity to be kid-free - and then make bbq chicken for my husband for dinner since he won't eat anything but cereal if I don't make the food for him.

Now, it is 10:24 am. I feel terrible, I am nauseated, and it seems like it is about 8 pm already. As grateful as I am for my blessed life, I sure would like some quiet time and sleep so my body can heal itself.

Can I have a sick day today, please? No? Okay. I didn't think so. Yes, I will make you some chocolate milk. And yes, I will pack your lunch. Please don't pull my hair. Yes, I will sit here and play Star Wars with you. And yes, we can turn on iCarly. And yes, I will clean off the dining room table. And yes, I will wash some of your boxers. Yes, I will change your diaper. And yours too. And yes, I will hold you. And yes, ...

The Showdown

2010-12-03T07:50:00.000-08:00

So, oh my goodness.

Yesterday. Oh, yesterday.

I didn't think I was going to make it through.

Make it through what?

I'll tell you what.

THE SHOWDOWN.

That's what.

Here is what happened. And this post might be long, so in case you can't make it all the way through, here is how it ends: I didn't run off and join a clan of traveling gypsies in order to escape motherhood.

So, yesterday was chaotic. My son, Max, had his speech therapy evaluation in the morning and just before we were about to leave, he and our bull terrier were chasing each other around the Christmas tree and my son fell and hit his forehead on the windowsill. We were already running late. After comforting him, drying his tears, and watching a red welp and purple bruise form on his head, we jumped into the car and I realized I had left my mug of green tea inside the house. Oh well, no time to get it.

I zoomed down our street and as I am turning left onto the main road, I see something fly off the hood of my car and smash all over the road. It was my ceramic mug of green tea. I HAD remembered to grab it, I just didn't remember that I had grabbed it and put it on the hood of my car. So, then I had to stop and clean up shattered ceramic off the street. Geez.

Later that afternooon, the day just got worse. My son was super grumpy, he was trying to knock over the Christmas tree, knock over the Christmas decorations, he was running around like a maniac, my newborn wouldn't stop crying unless I held him, I was trying to do everything with one free hand, there was no way I was getting dinner cooked, and then our bull terrier knocked an electric Christmas candle off the windowsill and the bulb broke all over the wood floor. And my son was in his bare feet.

I put my newborn, Harry, in his pack n play and put my 2 yr old son in his crib so I could clean up the broken glass. And as I am cleaning up the glass, I hear a THUD and then the pitter patter of little feet running across the kitchen floor. What the?

A little face peeked around the kitchen door.

Oh, crap. My son finally figured out how to crawl out of his crib. I had been dreading this day.

Finally, my husband came home at 6:30 pm and I was so tired, I crawled into Harry's crib with him and we both fell asleep for an hour and a half!

I woke up at 8 pm with Max trying to climb into Harry's crib and sit on top of us.

After teeth brushing and Star Wars playtime, we tried to put Max down at 8:30 pm.

And THE SHOWDOWN began.

First, Max started by crying and begging to be taken out of his crib. Now, usually, Max is easy to put down. Not sure why he chose last night to bust out the smackdown.

After he cried for a few minutes, he remembered, "Hey! I can crawl out of this little mini prison."

So let the games begin.

For the next 45 minutes, my husband and I took turns returning our son to his crib in Supernanny style. And Max thought it was hilarious. What a fun game!, he thought. You could see the pride on his face. He had outsmarted mommy and daddy!

My husband then decided to turn Max's crib around so that the low front was pushed up against the wall and the high back was facing the room. We thought there was no way Max could crawl over the high back.

And we were right. He couldn't. So, instead, he decided to try and squeeze his body between the wall and the low front of the crib and get out that way.

Suddenly we heard him screaming. My husband ran into his room to find him dangling between the wall and the crib by his neck because his head was too big to fit in between. What if we hadn't heard him screaming? It scared us to death!

So, at 9:30 pm, we decided we had no choice but to transition him and his crib into the toddler bed. My husband took off the front of the crib and we put up the mesh barricade to keep him from rolling onto the floor in his sleep. At first, Max thought it was so exciting that he could get in and out of his bed all by himself. But, that thrill didn't last long.

Once we turned out the light and closed the door, I think he realized that we had taken all the fun out of his new favorite game and he started screaming like I have never heard him scream before. It started out as just screaming out of anger. Then it transitioned into screaming and crying. Then, he just lost it. He yelled and screamed and cried like we were physically torturing him. And even though he could get out of bed by himself, he didn't. It wasn't fun for him anymore. He just sat there in his bed and flailed around screaming.

I checked on him a couple of times, my husband checked on him once, and nothing we did could calm him down.

Finally, at 10:30 pm, I snuck into the hallway outside of his door to listen and see if I should go in again. Suddenly, the green tea I was drinking went down the wrong pipe and I started coughing and choking and making an awful racket. I guess I would flunk out of ninja school.

But, my choking turned out to be a positive happening because my son stopped crying long enough to listen to me outside his door. All the coughing distracted him long enough to calm him down and he fell asleep!

And he slept through the night. Aaahhhhh...

Nap time today should be interesting.

Turkey Leftovers & a KitchenAid Artisan Stand Mixer Giveaway from 3 Kids and Us!

2010-11-30T13:15:00.000-08:00

So, 3 Kids and Us and KitchenAid want to make your holiday wish come true and offer you the chance to win a brand new KitchenAid Artisan Stand Mixer , in your choice of over 20 colors, valued at $349.99!

Enter the KitchenAid Stand Mixer Giveaway and check out the Homemade Holiday Feast recipes that show all the ways the KitchenAid Stand Mixer and attachments can be used to create unique family dishes and save you counter space with one appliance that can be converted to meet your every need.

And no offense, but if you enter this giveaway...I hope I win.

All Pooped Out

2010-11-26T13:36:00.000-08:00

So, today I have changed 4 poopy diapers, cleaned up 3 piles of dog diarrhea off the floor, and now our other dog has escaped out of our backyard, taken the poopy diapers out of the trashcan, and shredded those 4 poopy diapers all over our front porch.

I have a permanent poop smell in my nostrils and the fudge left over from Thanksgiving isn't looking all that appetizing right now.

However...on the other hand...it is chocolate fudge after all...I think I might need the chocolate dose for my nasty mood more than the sight of it grosses me out after my all day poop fest.

So, okay, I'll eat the fudge. But I'm gonna have to close my eyes.

A Bad Day

2010-11-17T13:27:00.001-08:00

So, today has been a bad day. Plain and simple. One of those days that just slowly breaks you down. I'm sure it doesn't help that I haven't had any sleep in over 2 months (Harry, please start to sleep through the night).

Anyway, I thought I would write about it and hope that the act of writing it out makes me feel better because I've got to feel better before my 2 yr old son wakes up from his nap so I can be a good mommy and not a broken down, sad mommy with no patience.

Everything was fine until I went to pick him up from preschool and one of his teachers met me outside the door. That's never good. She told me how much she still thinks he needs occupational and speech therapy. He is getting worse with his hitting and biting at school and his speech hasn't improved. He can't communicate well, he hardly eats, and he is getting frustrated more and more all the time. I have been able to tell at home, too, that he is getting more and more upset as time goes on. I had to fight back the tears as she was telling me all of this and tried to keep from crying in front of Max in the car.

I know he is a difficult child and I know he needs some type of therapy. I am not blind to that fact. I take care of him seven days a week and some days are so difficult that the day ends in my tears and chest pains. What I don't know is how we will pay for it. Therapies of these types can cost up to $75,000 a year without insurance and Max doesn't have insurance. He has government coverage.

I emailed a girl I know this afternoon who owns a children's therapy clinic and asked her for any information she has on government assistance programs for therapy. We will see.

Today broke my heart.

Then, the cable guy came to hook up our Tivo and I found out that my husband was given some misinformation about the Tivo system when he bought it. So, the cable guy leaves, I call my husband to tell him about the misinformation, he goes into a rage about the Best Buy people, which is where we bought it, and he decides to return the Tivo. Well, then, after the cable guy leaves, our Tivo says it can't receive a cable signal anyway. So, I call the cable company and they can't get anyone out here until tomorrow to fix it. So, no TV.

I promised my son he could watch Dino Dan after his nap because I wouldn't let him watch it before his nap, and now, I have to break that promise because of the stupid Best Buy and Cox Communications people.

And now my husband is freaking out about how we will pay for Max's therapy, how he is going to get revenge on the Best Buy salesman, and how he can get a glass of wine to make it through the rest of the day. Oh wait, I'm the one wondering about how I can get a glass of wine to make it through the rest of the day. Where is that corkscrew?

Some Wins!

2010-11-15T11:21:00.000-08:00

So, as some of you know, I love to enter giveaways! And I've won some pretty great things in the past, too. Last year, I won a pair of lavendar pearl earrings! Here are a couple of my recent wins and the websites from which I won!

First, I won a board book in October called, "My Purple Toes" from Familylicious! I am going to give this to my son for Christmas! Thanks Familylicious!

Then, I found out this morning I won a $25 gift card to My Baby Clothes Boutique from Sugar Pop Ribbons! I love the My Baby Clothes Boutique website. I have entered giveaways for this site before, but I haven't won one until today! Thank you Sugar Pop Ribbons!

I have posted the buttons for these blogs below. Visit both of these giveaway blogs for some great giveaways this holiday season!!

So, November's half over and I'm just now posting some Halloween pictures. Oh, and our TV blew up.

2010-11-11T10:51:00.000-08:00

So, I am way behind in posting pictures. I have discovered that with two kids, my house stays a mess, I am always sleep-deprived, I don't have time to read blogs, and I forget to take pictures because I am so distracted by my two little distractions. However, I did take a few on Halloween, although not as many as I did last year when I was the mommy of a mere one child.

Here is Harry at the Halloween carnival we attended. He slept through it. Party pooper.

Here, Max, or ahem, I mean Spiderman, is fishing for candy at the carnival

We aren't sure what came over Spiderman here, but he decided to forgo his usual hunger strike and is actually sitting still and eating a hot dog. Must be all that crime fighting.

Toot toot! All aboard the train!

Now that we are at home in this picture, Harry is awake.

After the carnival, we all went trick or treating with some kids from the neighborhood. Max caught on quickly and started asking for more candy at people's houses. We taught him well.

On another note, my husband blew up our television last night trying to pry the two DVDS out that our toddler shoved inside. One minute he was fixing it, the next minute, a small explosion and sparks, the next minute, no working tv. So, if anyone in our area has a TV you aren't using and don't mind letting us borrow it, we would love to until we can afford to buy another one. I promise to keep my husband away from it. I need a TV in our living room/dining room for my sanity. I mean, holy gravy, we don't want to have to actually talk to each other while eating dinner. Geez.

I'm An Auntie!

2010-11-08T10:37:00.000-08:00

So, my sister had her baby yesterday! Cardin McKenzie King was born at 12:50 am! She was 8 pounds, 4 ounces and 19 inches long. My sister had a wonderful birth experience and I am so thankful for that. She wasn't in pain for too long and she only pushed for 20 minutes! So wonderful!
!

The only pictures I have are the ones I pulled off my brother-in-law's Facebook page. I didn't get to be there for Cardin's birth (my sister lives 6 hours away) because my sister didn't think she could handle having my two boys in her house while she is trying to adjust to being a new mom. And I don't blame her. It is hard enough to adjust without having a toddler running around and another infant crying. So, I won't get to see her until Christmas. But, my sister hasn't seen Harry yet either, so we will see each other's new babies at the same time!

Speaking of Harry, here are some recent pictures of him. He is now almost 10 weeks old. He is still just the sweetest, cuddliest baby and everytime we hold him, he falls asleep. We are still waiting for him to sleep through the night, though. I haven't had more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night since he was born...and those hours aren't usually in a row either! I am getting delirious, but everytime I look in his soft eyes, I am so grateful for him and my older son. And now, my sister gets to experience motherhood, too. It isn't always enjoyable and sometimes it makes me want to jump out a window, but it is all worth it.

Another giveaway site...check it out!

2010-10-22T20:42:00.000-07:00

So, another giveaway blog I follow is Minnesota Mama's Must Haves and she has got some great giveaways this Christmas season in her Holiday Gift Guide 2010. You've got to check her out!

The sneak preview of her line-up this season made me very excited and I can't wait to start entering! Who couldn't use a little help this holiday season? The Holiday Gift Guide 2010 begins November 1 and runs through December!

If you add her Holiday button before November 1st, you get extra entries into her giveaways! So hurry on over!! What are you waiting for?

10 Randoms

2010-10-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

1. As of yesterday, Max is now on a gluten-free diet. Please Lord, let it help him. And help me.

2. I found a crayon in the washing machine and a pacifier in the dryer yesterday.

3. I couldn't find my phone earlier when it was ringing - I later found it in the kitchen sink.

4. Today has been one of the most exhausting days I have had so far with two kids. Does everybody have to cry at the same time (and I'm including myself in this scenario)?

5. If I have to vacuum and mop the floor around where my son eats one more time I might jump in front of the mail truck.

6. My dog pooped on the floor today and my son got so upset about it that he threw his chicken across the room.

7. My newborn won't stop crying unless I hold him and I can't hold him all the time because of my 2-yr old, so I might not make it through today without major medication or alcohol.

8. Max colored on the den wall yesterday with a red crayon. Thank God for the Magic Eraser.

9. My 2-yr old only took a 30 minute nap today and is now way too tired, so again, I might not make it through this day without major medication or alcohol.

10. Since I can't take the time to pamper myself while taking care of two fussy small children everyday, I am going to visualize what I would do if time and money were no object.

Ah-hem.

Aaaahhh, I am so relaxed. It is such a nice change to get to eat my food while it is still hot and watch a morning show while I drink my hot tea. Ahhhhh... What a great day. I think after I casually sip my tea and slowly eat my warm bagel instead of having to shove a cold bagel down my throat in between taking care of everyone else, I will get a pedicure and then maybe do a little shopping. I could use some new cozy sweaters and furry boots. Also, I think I will stop by Kohl's and buy that soft, long, white robe I've been wanting. Then, after I stop off for a hot, hazelnut soy latte, I will go home, put on that soft new robe and watch my DVRed shows from the last few weeks that I haven't had time to watch and maybe even get to eat a hot dinner. By myself. In silence. Around 9 pm, I will snuggle up into bed, without a headache or anxiety for once, pull out that book I have been too exhausted to read, and sip some Sleepytime tea until I fall into a deep, peaceful sleep that no one will wake me from until morning. It will feel so great to get a good night's sleep. Ahhhh...I am so relaxed. What a great day.

Okay...I feel better.

Back to reality. I'm going to go take some Ibuprofen for my headache, eat M&Ms to escape my life, brush my teeth, try to get dressed before 3 pm, eat more M&Ms, try not to lock my toddler in the closet, and watch out the window for my husband to come home and help.

Drink some wine for me, will you?

A Meeting of the Mommy Kind

2010-10-18T11:09:00.000-07:00

So, we had our meeting with Max's preschool teacher this morning. It wasn't an easy meeting to sit through - it is hard to hear that your child is struggling. When I picked Max up from preschool this afternoon, he suddenly looked so small and vulnerable, so fragile and sweet. I did feel a sense of relief after the meeting simply because now we know what issues to work on.

Here is the short version: Max has several issues which make him different from most children, which I already knew. I mean, you can't have the most out of control child EVERYWHERE you go and not know that something is up. Unless you are in complete denial, which we are not.

He has difficulty with social interaction (he doesn't know how to relate to other children and he tends to hit, not out of meanness, but because he doesn't know how to play) and vocabulary (he is two and still cannot process what he wants to say enough for it to come out of his mouth - he can repeat, but he doesn't come up with the words on his own - this results in extreme frustration). He has sensory issues (he has texture issues with food, he spits out his food, he becomes overstimulated very easily in loud places, his clothes bother him so he takes them off in the playground). He is hyperactive (he has an even shorter attention span than most toddlers and has a lot of trouble sitting still - he is never still enough to watch cartoons or play with toys or hear a story, and has trouble following direction when it involves being composed) and has difficulty with coordination (he falls down more often than other toddlers, which results in lots of bumps and bruises, and he tends not to notice objects in his path). He also struggles with any changes or breaks in his routine.

All of these things are fairly normal in toddlers, however, Max has all of them at once and he is on the extreme end of the spectrum.

His teacher recommended that we take him to a pediatrician to be evaluated for occupational therapy or behavioral therapy. We definitely plan on doing this, but the doctor assigned to Max by his government insurance is not a pediatrician - he is a family practitioner, therefore doesn't specialize in these types of children's issues. So, that is one tiny hurdle, but we will get it ironed out.

His teacher also recommended that we take gluten out of his diet (some ADHD and autistic children improve after gluten and casien are removed from their diets), which I considered doing anyway since I have celiac disease and already eat gluten-free.

As I said before, ADD runs rampant in my husband's family, so I am not surprised by any of this. I was just hoping it wouldn't affect my boys.

But, I'm not discouraged. This is just a point from which to begin. We have some challenges ahead of us, but I am positive that we will overcome them and we are so grateful that Max has such a knowledgable and kind preschool teacher. She was so positive in our meeting and we could see how much she cares for the toddlers in her class.

So, here we go on this journey! Wish us luck!

The Ethertons: A Great Giveaway Blog

2010-10-18T08:22:00.000-07:00

So, I love entering giveaways. And I actually win sometimes, too.

One giveaway blog that I love is The Ethertons. She always has really great giveaways for families and kids and there are a couple of really great ones I want to tell you about - maybe you might want to enter, too!

The first is the Little Tikes Neighborhood Market.

So adorable for both boys and girls! I know my son would love to play with this market stand and I am hoping hoping hoping to win it for him for Christmas! This giveaway ends on 10/29, so hurry and get your entries in!

The second giveaway is for a $100 gift card to My Vintage Baby!!

This website has ADORABLE clothes for both girls and boys! I would love to have all of the clothes for my boys! My son needs winter clothes and their fall collection is precious! This giveaway ends 11/5.

So, get on over to The Ethertons! You will be glad you did!

The Boys

2010-10-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

So, I am down to posting about once a week now. Maybe someday my boys will be able to wipe their own bottoms and I can post more often. Until then...I'm elbow deep in dirty booties.

I went to pick up my 2 yr. old son from preschool on Wednesday and I saw him swat at the teacher because she was telling him to sit still, which he forever has trouble doing. Then, as soon as he saw me, he let out a high-pitched girlie scream (not using his inside voice) and ran down the hallway toward the parking lot. In the lot, he threw his backpack in a mud puddle and then ran the opposite direction of the car with me running after him and once again carrying his baby brother, backpack (now wet and soggy) and lunch box.

When we got home, I put him in time-out about 10 different times, during which he just looked at me and laughed.

Okay, so he's not really flipping me off in this picture, but that was basically his attitude.

So, this morning we requested a conference with his teacher to match up our disciplinary tactics and make sure we are on the same page at home as at school. The conference is Monday morning, but his teacher (whom we love and adore) went ahead and suggested that we look into putting him in occupational therapy so he can learn how to better channel his high energy levels. He is easily the most out of control child everywhere we go and he has an impossible time sitting still. It is very hard on us as parents because it is difficult to take him places, like restaurants, retail stores, or the doctor's office without him running wild.

My husband, sister-in-law and mother-in-law all have ADD, so I wouldn't be surprised if Max has a little of that in him, although he is too young to be diagnosed and I never want him "labeled" as anything but a spirited child!

And here is a Harry update: He just turned six weeks old! Harry is just the easiest baby in the world and doing extremely well. He is truly an angel baby and oh so sweet! I couldn't have asked for a better baby. And he looks a lot like his brother! Here are pictures of them both at 6 weeks. The first two are Max and the next two are Harry!

Maximus

Harrison

But looks are where the similiarities end! Max was a very playful baby, just like he is today. By four weeks, Max was smiling and laughing constantly! It was so easy to get a sweet baby giggle out of him. Harry, though, is a more serious baby so far. I have only seen him smile a couple of times and I haven't heard him laugh yet (except in his sleep). He makes you work for one of his smiles!

Neither one of my boys cry very often, but when Max did cry as a baby, it was hard to get him to stop and usually we couldn't figure out why he was crying (btw, Max is the same today - if he cries, it's hard to figure out why or get him to calm down - babies truly are born on day one with distinct personalities). But Harry stops crying as soon as we pick him up and it is very easy to figure out what he is trying to tell us. Max was never a cuddler, and he still isn't, while Harry loves nothing more than to be held.

Their birthdays are only 11 days apart, but Max is a Leo while Harry is a Virgo and I can definitely tell their astrological differences!

Well, that's it for now! I am typing with one hand and holding Harry in the other, so this post is taking forever to type!

My Love Affair with Sweat Pants and The TERRIBLE twos with lots of capital Ts.

2010-10-08T07:51:00.000-07:00

So, oh my sweat pants. How I have missed your cottony comfort in this long, stifling summer season. When I dipped my legs into your cool coziness this morning, I thought I might never have been happier or more comfortable. Please, never leave me again, sweat pants. I need you to wrap me in your mom-jeanish embrace and carry me away from here. Thank you for letting me wear you all day, then sleep in you, then wear you again the next day. You don't judge. You are my true companion. My soul mate. I love you, my sweet sweat pants...you complete me.

I had to express my undying love for all my sweat pants because they are the only things bringing me true joy these days. Not just because regular pants still hurt my c-section incision, but because my two-yr old is trying to kill me. I think Max knows I still have high blood pressure from being pregnant, so he is trying to get me to stroke out.

My husband and I don't believe in spanking, but I might be altering my belief system very soon. Okay, well, not really. I don't have the heart to spank. But, I might swat at him while he runs away from me, laughing at my expense. Ha, ha, mommy. You'll never catch me. Watch while I pee on the living room carpet.

He has been very full of himself lately. The last two weeks have been like hell week in a fraternity and I am the freshman pledge. I'm being hazed. I am being beaten up by a cocky 2-yr old.

I know this is all related to being two years old and having to share the limelight with his new, baby brother.

Here are some of the Terrible Two hurdles we, as parents, have had to clear this week (actually, we pretty much fell over them and collapsed on the floor, panting and bruised):

Last week when I went to pick Max up from preschool, he didn't want to get in the car. I was carrying my newborn, Harry, in one arm, and Max's backpack and lunch box in the other arm. So, no free hands. I tried to coax Max into the car for a couple of minutes until I finally dropped his backpack and lunch box and tried to drag him to the car, to which he responded by throwing himself onto the pavement in the middle of the parking lot behind another mother's SUV WHILE SHE WAS TRYING TO BACK OUT OF THE PARKING LOT.

So, this mother is having to wait to leave with her quiet, obedient child, while I try to scrape my screaming son off the pavement with my one free hand. But, he won't get up. He knows I'm struggling and he is half-fake crying and half-laughing. Meanwhile, his backpack and lunch box are strewn across the parking lot.

I needed both hands to carry him to the car, but I couldn't set my newborn down in the street and I didn't want to leave Max in the middle of the parking lot either in the small chance that someone didn't see him kicking and screaming in the road and ran over him. And the other mothers were starting to stare. One mother gave me a sympathetic smile. I hate those sympathy smiles.

Finally, after Max stood up and then threw himself on the ground again, he stood up for good and I pulled him to the car, buckled him in his seat, put Harry in his car seat, and then sat sweating and panting, embarrassed (although just slightly - I mean, he's a toddler. How much can I really reason with him?), in the driver's seat. Lovely.

Then, this past Tuesday, I really thought Max was going to do me in. Here is just a quick rundown of our day:

he threw his breakfast on the floor,

he threw his snack on the floor, (blood pressure rising)

he dumped out the dog's water dish and as I was running to stop him, I tripped over a step in our house and ripped off half of my toenail (ouch),

he threw his lunch on the floor, (our bull terrier had a feast)

while I was changing his poopy diaper, he reached down, grabbed a handful of poop and wiped it on the sleeve of my CASHMERE sweater that has to be HAND WASHED, (blood pressure rising and who has time to hand wash anything?)

he hit his brother in the head with a drumstick, (baby crying and blood pressure rising)

he threw my bracelet in the toilet while my husband was peeing in it, (blood pressure at all time high and now I have to sanitize my jewelry)

he threw his dinner on the floor, (when is my vacation?)

are you getting the picture? I could go on, but we will all need to get up from the computer at some point.

Also, for the past few weeks, he will only eat five foods: cereal, crackers, applesauce, yogurt and pickles. That is it. Everything else ends up on the wall behind his chair. One morning this week, he had cereal and pickles for breakfast. Grody. And he will only drink milk. No water, no fruit juice, just cow juice (as my grandaddy used to call it).

We have been doing time-outs, although he just looks at us from the corner and laughs. He knows the routine. He will start saying he's sorry while he is still in time-out, and then when his time is up and I am trying to explain to him the reason why he was in time-out, he tries to hurry up and kiss me while I am talking because he knows we always kiss at the end and he wants to get up. No time for your explanations, mommy. Just kiss me and let me outta here.

Ay, yi, yi.

But, in the midst of all the chaos, how can I stay mad at this little face?

It gets me every time. I will always be a sucker for that little face.

Mommy loves you, Max. Always and forever. But I would really appreciate it if you could keep your food on the table. Just a suggestion.

Those teeth aren't going to brush themselves...

2010-09-30T12:58:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't written or read your blogs much lately because I've been just a teensy, weensy busy. And tired.

If I'm not changing 2 kids' diapers, bottle feeding, feeding my 2-yr old, scraping food off the floor and the walls after feeding my 2-yr old, packing my son's lunch, packing my husband's lunch, doing laundry, cleaning up pee and poop from my dog, Pia, who we just found out has liver failure and is having trouble controlling her bladder and bowels, trying to keep up with the dishes, washing bottles, picking up toys...if I'm not doing any of these things, then I am either eating or sleeping.

Until the baby wakes up or my 2-yr old demands, "Choc mill! Choc mill!" which in his language means chocolate milk.

My house is never clean, I usually don't eat breakfast until I get a headache and realize that I haven't eaten, some days I don't get to brush my teeth or my hair or change my clothes, I'm always tired, we've eaten cereal for dinner several times since the baby came, I found a dirty diaper on my front porch this morning (thanks to a tired husband who didn't feel like walking to the garbage can), I can't keep a constant eye on my 2-yr old anymore so he stuck two DVDs in our TV/DVD combo and now we can't get them out...

Everyday I wonder where the time went and why my house is still such a mess and why I look and smell homeless...

yesterday I realized that my glamour days are over when I found a chunk of peanut butter in my hair and I had no idea how long it had been there...

and now we aren't sure how we are going to continue to pay for health insurance and diapers and bills...

but somehow, through all of this, I am happy. And very grateful. I have two kids. TWO! And I love them both so much. I was afraid I would never have kids and now I have two. And I am married to someone who is an incredible father and a supportive husband. And we love each other. Our lives aren't perfect. Some days my husband and I want to kill each other, we might yell and fight, or we might wish it was legal to drive our kids out to the middle of nowhere and leave them there with a sippy cup of chocolate milk and a couple of pacifiers...

but all in all, I have the greatest life. And for that, I will be forever grateful.

And now, at 3:30 pm, I just might brush my teeth.

Oh wait...nevermind. The baby is crying out for blood and I can hear my toddler dragging a tin cup across the bars of his crib.

Maybe I can brush my teeth tomorrow.

A Toddler's Tough Adjustment

2010-09-20T06:17:00.000-07:00

So, now that I have two kids, I can't always follow my 2-yr old around the house 24-7 anymore. When I am feeding Harry or changing his diaper, sometimes Max will escape my line of vision. Our house isn't very big and it is toddler-proofed, so I don't really worry about him getting hurt. I do, however, worry about what he is destroying. Or what he is sticking where.

So far this week, my husband and I have found a candle in our bag of dog food, a xylophone drumstick in the sink drain, a tennis ball in the washing machine, and a snack container in our bedroom at the bottom of our laundry basket. There is no telling what else he has stashed in his hiding places. Yesterday he took my husband's watch and hid it in our bed between the mattress and the bed frame. It took us all day to find it.

Max is having to adjust to a new baby in the house and we can tell he is having some trouble. On the outside, he behaves as if he is excited that the baby is here. He hugs Harry, kisses him, always wants to be touching him, holding him, staring at him. But on the inside, he is having trouble adjusting and it is coming out in his behavior.

Since we brought Harry home, Max has refused to eat most meals. He already didn't eat much, but now he is refusing the few foods that he did eat before. Most of his meals end up on the floor, either because he threw it off the table or because he spit it out. He gets upset faster than before and his tantrums have doubled. He also has been waking up from his nap everyday crying inconsolably. The crying will last anywhere from 20 to 30 minutes and nothing we do can calm him down.

My husband has spent a lot of alone time with Max, trying to take him to do special activities, and we both kiss and hug him several times a day. We let him help with the baby (holding the bottle, giving Harry his pacifier, getting a diaper, etc.) and help with other jobs around the house (making coffee, getting the mail, vacuuming). My aunt bought him his own baby doll so he could hold his baby while I hold Harry. We bought him gifts "from the baby." Nothing has seemed to help him in his adjustment.

As his mommy, it breaks my heart that he is going through such a tough time. I know it won't last forever and eventually he has got to discover the joys of food and the joys of having a brother, but until then, I have a daily headache and a gut full of guilt.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-09-15T07:50:00.001-07:00

I am the luckiest girl in the whole world...

Excuse me for my bloggin' absence, but I was having a bloggin' baby!

2010-09-06T16:05:00.000-07:00

No, there wasn't a time warp and we weren't catapulted to September 10th, the date I was supposed to have my c-section (at 39 weeks).

My body evicted Harry ten days early for making me leak pee six times a day and causing general chaos in my abdomen and lower back. So, on Wednesday, September 1st, Harry entered our world.

Harrison Atticus-McKenzie Clark, 6 pounds, 11 ounces, 20 inches, born at 6:12 pm!

On that Wednesday morning, I had been awake since 4 am with a constant menstrual-like cramping in my abdomen. I had had this type of cramping before with both of my pregnancies, but they would eventually go away. These cramps had been constant for hours. Plus, my lower back was aching and I felt enormous vaginal pressure, like the baby's head was about to slip right out.

I went to the doctor late that morning and my OBGYN sent me to the hospital for monitoring. She wanted to see if I was having contractions. Once hooked up to the machine in triage, the nurses saw that my blood pressure was high and I was indeed having contractions, and pretty strong ones too, even though I hadn't felt a single one! I spent about six hours in triage before the doctor on call made it in to see me (still didn't feel my contractions, but they gave me happy drugs anyway). He conversed on the phone with my regular OBGYN and she told him that if I was having contractions or was dilated at all, he should do my c-section immediately because Harry's head was already dangerously low and he could come fast! He checked me and I was dilated 1 cm. So, into surgery we went!

I felt remarkably calm during this whole process, even though my blood pressure was so high. I couldn't have been happier that Harry was coming early! I was ready to meet him and I was ready to not be pregnant anymore!

The spinal block and c-section went well. I spent 3 hours in recovery because of my high blood pressure before I was able to go to my room and spend time with my beautiful baby boy.

Then, Thursday morning, Max came to the hospital to meet his little brother! He was immediately enamored! I love the last picture of my husband holding Max and Max is holding Harry. My three boys.

Max, our two-yr old, has been super stoked about having a baby in the house! He is almost a little too excited. Every time he wakes up, he says, "Baby? Baby?" He has thrown toys at Harry, shaken the baby's pack n play, tried to pour water on Harry, and grabbed Harry's feet in order to pull him around the room. And he loooooves to give him great big hugs!

Since Harry was born at 37 1/2 weeks, he is very small and spends about 23 hours a day sleeping. Because of his small size, we were told not to take him in public for 4-6 weeks. So far, he has been completely content and rarely cries. He doesn't like being messed with though, therefore diaper changes and clothing changes are not his favorite things! He makes squeaking sounds while he sleeps and has perfect almond-shaped, dark eyes and dark hair.

I bonded with Harry immediately and I even don't mind staying up in the night with him. Harry completes our family. My husband and I both look forward to what lies ahead for us now that our family is complete. We have two amazing boys and I can't believe how blessed I am. I never thought I would be the mother of boys, but now I can't imagine anything else. I am so grateful for my life and the family we have created.

Have a good day everyone! I will be sleep-deprived and probably still in my pajamas at the end of the day, but I've never been so happy to be sleep-deprived in my life!

Ah, the Joy of Toddler Feedings

2010-08-28T19:21:00.001-07:00

So, tonight's dinner was a smorgasbord of rejection. A dinner typical of my toddler.

Here is how it went:

I asked my son if he wanted a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner. It was just the two of us at home tonight, so we were going light and easy on the cooking. He said yes.

I made us both grilled cheese sandwiches. I ate mine. He took 4 or 5 bites of his and then starting spitting out each subsequent bite onto the table.

He said he wanted crackers. I asked if he wanted peanut butter on them. He said yes.

So, I gave him whole wheat crackers with peanut butter smeared in between. He ate two bites and said he didn't want any more.

He told me he wanted yogurt instead. I get the yogurt. I open the yogurt. I stir the yogurt. He refuses to take even one bite and instead dumps it out on the table.

Then he asks me for apples. He has been on a big apple slice kick lately. So, I get an apple. I slice it up. I give him the slices. He takes one bite and spits it out on the floor.

Dinner's over.

Letting go of the baby stuff...hello Big Boy!

2010-08-25T07:10:00.001-07:00

So, Max is the big 2 YRS OLD NOW! Mommy can't believe it. He turned two this past Saturday and we had a Star Wars party for him, which I will blog about later when I get all the pictures from family. So, to celebrate the big birthday, we have been letting go of the baby stuff and implementing big boy stuff over the past week!!

For example, preschool. As I said in the last post, his first day was a huge success. Days two and three? Close to success. By day two, he knew he was being left and he cried when my husband left the room. By day three? He wouldn't even go in the classroom. This morning he was all smiles until we rounded the corner and he saw his classroom. He immediately let go of our hands and took off in the other direction. When my husband caught him, he was already crying. Broke our hearts!!

But, the great thing about this preschool is that the teachers sent us mobile phone photos of him playing so that we would know he had stopped crying and was having a good time. This morning, I received a picture of him wearing a painting frock and he was painting on an easel. He looked just fine! What a big boy! Hopefully he will stop crying when we drop him off. My husband is a big 'ole soft teddy bear and he said he can't take it anymore.

Here are some of his new big boy moves!

He got a bike and helmet for his birthday. It is a Specialized bike, the kind with no pedals so that he learns to balance. He absolutely loves the helmet. He wears it around the house all day. He hasn't quite gotten the hang of the bike, but I'm sure it will take no time for his energetic curiosity to kick in and help him ride like the tiny Hell's Angel that he is.

Here are his new big boy shoes. We got him a pair of Nike tennis shoes so he can run even faster. What were we thinking?

We said bye-bye to the highchair and hello to the booster seat! Now, he is sitting at the table with us and he loves it.

And we said good-bye to the rocking chair.

And hello to a new table and chairs set from his grandparents. They have been a big hit with him and he hasn't even missed his rocking chair.

The rocking chair is now in Harrison's room. Speaking of, I am at 37 weeks and I have two more weeks to go until my scheduled c-section. At my doctor's appointment two days ago, my doctor told me that Harry is EXTREMELY low and I need to be careful if I think I am having contractions because I could dilate very quicky. She said I might make it or I might go into labor early. Hard to tell.

However, I can tell a huge difference in the way I feel from last week to this week. This week I have been miserable all day, uncomfortable, having abdominal pain from all the weight, back aches, my feet ache, and I can't get enough rest no matter how much I sleep or lay down. I'm not sure how the next two weeks are going to go, but I want to make it until my scheduled date so that my boys' birthdays are at least three weeks apart.

I will keep you updated!

The first Super Cool Preschool Day

2010-08-20T11:37:00.000-07:00

So, today was Max's first day of preschool - EVER! He has never been to preschool or daycare, so my husband and I were a little apprehensive about how he was going to handle being left in the hands of strangers!

We were also a little apprehensive because we know he doesn't really understand about boundaries with other kids yet since he hasn't been around a lot of other children in his short two years. He tends to hit, push, and throw toys when he gets frustrated. Oh, and pull hair.

Here he is getting ready to leave for school! He was super excited!!

Here he is next to a giant whale in our front yard. Oh wait. That's me. Not such a flattering view of my 9-months pregnant curves. Lookin' a little bottom heavy. Yikes.

Max and Daddy in the driveway!

And here is the long walk into school. Max was beside himself with excitement!! He couldn't wait to get inside.

When we dropped him off, he didn't care at all that we were leaving him. And he never cried. I've been told though that the 2nd and 3rd days are harder because by then, they know you are leaving them. So, I hope he doesn't cry next week.

When I picked him up, the teacher said he had an awesome time and he loved being at school. She also said she could tell he is a super confident, happy, no fear kinda kid because he runs and plows over things without looking where he is going during recess. She said he must have lots of bruises. I said, Oh yes.

The teachers did have problems with him hitting and pushing other kids and he even hit one of the teachers, which made me feel horrible. But, she said she thinks he will learn boundaries in this new environment and he will eventually learn what is right and wrong and how to respond appropriately.

And he didn't eat his lunch. Which was no surprise to me.

And that was Max's First Super Cool Preschool Day! Many more to go...

One of those nasty Not-my-proudest-mommy moments.

2010-08-13T11:16:00.000-07:00

So today, I had one of my not-so-proud mommy moments. I hate those.

My son (who will be two in a week! I can't believe it!) has been a pistol since last night. He has been in a really good mood, very spirited, but he has been into everything he knows he isn't supposed to be and has been doing everything he knows he isn't supposed to do.

For instance, spraying the walls and cabinetry with water, he dumped out half a bag of Veggie Booty on the den carpet this morning, crawling into the dryer, throwing his milk at me, pulling items out of the freezer onto the kitchen floor, throwing his shampoo in the toilet, etc. He has also been super sweet, though, doing things like kissing my knee when I bumped it on the door frame, helping me clean up milk spills with a towel, giving out lots of hugs and kisses, laughing hysterically when we play, etc.

So, this morning, I found an icky black cricket in his toy box. I took it to the front door to put it outside, and just as I thought he would, my son tried to escape out the front door. He loooooves to be outside, but with the last few days being 100 degrees, I can't take the heat in this 35-weeks-along-pregnant body. I overheat and get dehydrated VERY quickly.

As the cricket hopped away, I shut the screen door and my son started crying. I thought he was crying because I wouldn't let him go outside, so I held the screen door shut. Little did I know, he was actually crying because I had shut all four of his little fingers in the hinge side of the door.

As soon as I realized what happened, I opened the door and pulled him to me. Naturally, he was screaming! I felt like the worst mommy in the whole world. I held him tight while he cried and he held his fingers up to my mouth for "magic kisses" to make it all better.

His fingers were red, but no cuts or bruises or breaks, thank goodness. I let him pick out his own lunch because I felt so bad and he picked out a popsicle, some bunny crackers, and a fruit and grain bar. Not the healthiest lunch, but the popsicle made him smile again. Every minute or so, he would hold his fingers up to me again to kiss and make better. It was so sweet and just made my heart ache.

Afterwards, he cuddled up on the couch with his Star Wars sheets and his blanket to watch Sesame Street.

He is never too hurt to smile, though! He loves getting his picture taken - he is a big ham! - and in the next two pictures, he is saying, "Cheeeeeeeese!"

Some days I just want to eat him up, he's so stinkin' cute! It kills me!

I know as mommies, we all have days like this, but the last thing a mommy ever wants to do is hurt her baby in any way. Even though his fingers are fine, I hate that I made him cry because I didn't check before I closed the door. He is always sticking his hands in door frames and I know better than to not make sure they are out of harm's way. I hate it when I have to learn a lesson at my son's expense.

Sorry, buddy. I love you.

Shower Invitations

2010-08-11T13:21:00.000-07:00

So, I posted the other day about my sister's shower. I thought I would also share the invitations I made for it. I love making cards and invitations. It is a hobby of mine that I rarely have time for...you know, with trying to make sure my son doesn't jump off the kitchen table or color on the carpet.

This first picture is just the envelopes - I stamped each one with a different baby stamp!

This second picture is the actual invitations. I don't think any of them were alike. I don't like to repeat myself.

I didn't show the inside of the invitations because my mother's address is displayed on the inside. The inside had circles (like the ones above) that said "It's A Girl!" and had ribbons tied to the top of the circles. And of course, contained the usual date, time, address, and so forth!

Have a great day!

Help.

2010-08-07T09:20:00.000-07:00

Short one this time. A call for computer help.

Now, don't laugh. But I am terrible with computers. How I even manage to maintain a blog, email, and Facebook all at the same time is a miracle. It took me forever to figure out how to put my favorite sites on Etsy. If I ever wanted to update my blog, I couldn't because I don't know how. My brain doesn't speak computer. Or fancy cell phone slang. Or tv cable language.

So, having said that, I need help with finding some of my favorite blogs. Every time one of the blogs I read moves to wordpress or changes their url, I can no longer find them. The new posts do not update on my dashboard or on my blog list. And, if I try to add the new url to my reading list, the old, no-longer-valid one just comes up instead. I am so frustrated and can't figure it out!!

I told you I'm bad.

Help, please.

i scream, you scream, we all scream for i...Carly? and Thank you, Momma Ra!

2010-08-03T11:44:00.000-07:00

So, my son doesn't like cartoons. He never has. He will be two years old in a couple of weeks and he has no idea who Woody, Buzz Lightyear, Lightening McQueen, Dora, Diego, or any other cartoon characters are. He couldn't care less about Spiderman, Batman, Superman, Wubbzy, Nemo, the Backyardigans, the Wonder Pets, or Mickey Mouse.

When he was younger, he watched Blue's Clues, Yo Gabba Gabba, and Sesame Street because there are human beings and puppets in these shows (he likes puppets). But, as he has gotten closer to two years of age, he will only watch shows meant for kids ages 6-16 or shows that exclusively star human beings. Like The Upside Down Show. Or The Fresh Beat Band. Or The Suite Life on Deck and Hannah Montana. Or Star Wars.

He has always preferred real people to cartoon characters. During the last presidential election, Max was an infant. After President Obama was elected, Max would lie on the floor on a blanket and watch President Obama's entire speeches. He was riveted by him.

Last Sunday, I caught him completely engulfed in a televised Sunday morning church service with a Baptist preacher screaming at his congregation from the pulpit.

SEVERAL times, I have caught him sitting in front of the tv watching The Military Channel.

But lately, the only show he will watch is iCarly. This show has put him in a trance since he was around 18 months old, but lately, he has become completely obsessed. I've never seen him this obsessed with anything on television. Usually, he can't sit still in front of the tv for very long. He would never make it through a movie and he rarely makes it through a 30 minute show.

But iCarly? He will watch it allllll day. The first thing he does in the morning is run to the TV and say, "Carly?" Before he goes to bed at night, he asks to watch, "Carly?" If anything else is on TV besides iCarly, he says, "Nooooooo. Carly?"

He dances to the opening credits. He has several pictures of Miranda Cosgrove that my husband printed off the internet. In the picture below, he is coloring one of his Carly pictures while watching iCarly.

Last week, I took him to Hobby Lobby and he saw an iCarly activity book hanging from one of the shelves. Oh, talk about a public breakdown.

He cried out, "Carly!!! Carly!!!" And when I wouldn't buy it for him (he is only 23 months old! He wouldn't even know how to do any of the activities in the book. It was meant for much older kids), he screamed, "Caaaaaaaaarlllllyyyyyyyy!! Waaaaaaa! Caaaarrllllyyyyyyyyy!" and kept trying to reach for her as we continued down the aisle. He cried all the way to the check out.

In these pictures from this morning, he is mesmerized by iCarly. He didn't budge from the couch.

I am going through iCarly overload. I can't take much more. It is a cute show, but not ten times a day. I know too much about it now. And frankly, Gibby scares me a little bit.

On another note, if you notice the cute shirt Max is wearing in these pictures, it is from a great giveaway I won on Momma ra's blog, The Boy and the Blog. This shirt is absolutely adorable! It is from an Etsy store called Appledonia. Please check out both Momma ra's blog and this precious Etsy site. Appledonia has all kinds of different customized shirts! I picked this one because my son will be turning two this month. Thank you Momma ra and Appledonia!

Now, I've got to go watch some adult programming before my son wakes up from his nap and starts asking, "Carly? Carly?"

It's scheduled! and It's a Baby Shower!

2010-07-30T06:00:00.000-07:00

So, my c-section has been scheduled! Harry will be born on Friday, September 10th! Yay!

I feel as if things are falling into place. I love knowing when my son will be born - no waiting to go into labor like with my first child. I am a planner, so this is good for me. The nursery is almost finished, as well. It is the smallest room in the house (besides the bathrooms), so it seems crowded and cluttered to me, but I am going to work on de-cluttering this week. Harry has so many hand-me-down baby toys from his brother (I love saying "his brother"!) and his cousin that they are taking over the room! It is kinda driving me crazy.

Now for some baby shower pictures! Not my baby shower - I'm not having one this time around - but my sister's baby shower. My younger sis, Jill, lives in Illinois and she is also pregnant (with her first, a girl), due in November. She came home last week for her hometown baby shower.

This is my beautiful sis! The teddy bear belonged to my grandmother who passed away in 2007. Our aunt gave it to Jill for her future daughter.

Here is the food table! Yum yum! We had sandwiches shaped like baby bottles (I used a baby bottle cookie cutter), petit fours with butterflies, and strawberries dipped in pink chocolate!

I love this picture! She is opening a present from her sister-in-law that had pickles and chocolate in it!

Here is a belly picture of my sister and me.

She is younger than me (by a little less than two years) but somehow she is taller. We are both wearing flat shoes! What's up with that?

Who put THAT there???

2010-07-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

So, this past Sunday was rough and tumble.

Sundays are always a little hectic for my family because it is the only day my husband and I are home at the same time, therefore, one of us is always trying to catch up on household or yard duties or errands while the other one watches our son.

Sometimes, we will run errands together with our son, which is always an adventure. This past Sunday, Max got a sucker stuck in his hair at Harbor Freight and then spent the entire trip to Lowe's yelling for more M&Ms and trying to convince us to let him play with a box cutter. Why is it that little boys always pick out the most dangerous thing in their surrounding area to want to play with?

After my son's nap that afternoon, my husband went outside to install a water pump under our house while I tried to feed Max a snack and do general mommy duties. For one reason or another, my son was incredibly difficult to deal with that day. He was into everything, making messes, never still, pinching the dogs, he wouldn't eat, he was just being a pill.

So, I decided to give him one of the toys he got for Christmas last year from a relative. We didn't let him have it at the time because we thought he was too young for it. It is a tractor with very, VERY small pieces that can be put together and taken apart and I thought we could work on it together to keep my son engaged in a new project.

The toys were in our closet, stacked on top of my jewelry box and then on top of some of Max's birthday presents for this year. We have no storage in this old house, so things are tucked in every nook and cranny and stacked up wherever possible.

What I didn't realize was that my husband had braced the box with my wedding dress in it, which was partly hanging off of the top shelf, on top of these presents and then placed his two camera bags and his antique rifle on top of the dress box. Would have been good to know.

As I reached up on my tippy toes and pulled down the tractor toy box, suddenly a wave of brutality fell down from the top shelf onto my head. First the camera bags. Then the wedding dress box. And then, the monster of them all, the heaviest freaking rifle in the world.

I thought for sure my skull was cracked. I haven't felt that much pain since childbirth. In a span of about five seconds, the time it took for me to run from my closet to the back door to get my husband, a huge bump had already formed on the back of my head.

I was bawling and I was terrified. I started having visions of being 8 months pregnant and dropping dead from a brain bleed. I have never been hit in the head that hard.

We started taking inventory of my symptoms: Did I have a headache? No. Was my vision blurry? No. Was I vomiting? No. Were my pupils dilated? No. Was I nauseated? No. Was I sleepy? No. Was I in more pain than Pat Robertson at a Gay Pride Parade? Yes. Was I sweating more than Sarah Palin on a quiz show about government policy? Yes. Did I have more anxiety than my grandmother the first time I wore ripped jeans in 1989? Yes.

Excruciating pain, sweating and anxiety aside, we decided that I was going to be okay. But first, I cried for a loooooong time, took two Tylenol, and put an ice pack on my head. And then tried to keep my son from throwing his Darth Vader at my skull.

Naturally, I didn't sleep well that night because it hurt to put pressure on my head, but the swelling was gone by the next morning and only a little tenderness remained.

And I don't think I am any dumber than I was before...might have crushed a few brain cells...won't be sure until after the baby is born and the hormones stop affecting my brain function...and that could be a very, very, very long time.

At least I got a tan...

2010-07-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

So, this past week was a crazy one. Whew. Swim lessons, my sister's baby shower, temper tantrums, a big bonk on the head (I'll explain this one in another post!). And I survived.

I think I survived through refusing to worry about things I couldn't control, like my almost 2-yr old son's temper tantrums at swim lessons or whether or not I peed when my unborn baby did the Riverdance on my bladder. Not to say that I didn't have moments of anxiety and wet panties, but I tried to quickly push them aside with my new favorite reminder:

What is the point of worrying about things you can't control if you can't control them, and what is the point of worrying about things you can control if you can control them? There is no point, therefore, it makes no sense to worry. Bladder leakage - can't control it.

So, here are some pictures from our week of swim lessons. My sister (who was visiting from St. Louis) and my Aunt Brenda came on the last day of lessons and took pictures for me. Max took these swim lessons with his friend, McCoy, but unfortunately I don't have any pictures of them together because McCoy couldn't come on Friday.

Here we are...the last day of mass swim lessons and unstable toddler tantrums...

Here is Max trying to wiggle away from me while we swim to the ropes in the middle of the pool. He wanted to play with his Aunt Jill, who was sitting on the sidelines.

This is Max with the teacher, practicing one of the things that gave me the biggest headache: getting in and out of the pool. Once Max was out, he didn't want to get back in.

Here we are practicing leg kicking and dog paddling. Max didn't really catch on to either one. He was too distracted by his desire to get out of the pool and throw rocks.

Max and his arch nemesis, the swim buoy.

Here I am trying to convince Max to get back in the pool at the count of "3." My 8-mo. pregnant belly kept bumping against the pool wall, making this whole scene quite humorous.

Max practicing with his kick board, which he would let go of and push out in front of him instead of holding on. And instead of saying, "Let's all give Max a hand for doing such a good job with his kickboard", the teacher said, "Let's all give Max a hand for doing whatever he wants!"

Aye yi yi.

This is Max actually being very still during back floating practice. He really liked this part.

Waving to Aunt Jill, Brenda, and Daddy on the sidelines.

One summer of swim lessons down, many more to go.

Week Four: Money Monday!

2010-07-26T11:41:00.000-07:00

So, I've got a lot to talk about and share this week in photos and stories (so stay tuned - I am going to post everyday this week!), but first...my Money Monday post!

Page 15: "You have to begin telling a different story if you want the Law of Attraction to bring you different things."

So true. Isn't there a saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting different results?

How many of us talk about how bad our lives suck or how bad we want something to happen in our lives with fearful, longing and desperate emotions backing up our words? I know I have done it, especially with money.

In order for the Law of Attraction to work, we must stop talking about what is happening or has happened in our lives and start talking about how we now want it to be. And not just talking about it, but putting the good feeling emotions behind it. Instead of speaking about something you desire from a place of lack and sadness, speak about your delicious desire from a place of good feelings, excitement and faith.

For example, yesterday my husband and I drove past a Jimmy John's sub shop. And speaking from a place of lack (and feeling let down), I said, "I miss the days when we were able to afford to spontaneously stop somewhere for lunch. I wish we could afford to eat out more." I was speaking of my desire from a place of disappointment and lack.

A better statement would have been: "Wouldn't a Jimmy John's lettuce wrap be delicious right now? I love their lettuce wraps. I could eat one everyday and I'm looking forward to getting one someday soon!" This statement, with only positive emotions behind it, would have been speaking about my desire from a place of feeling good and an expectation that I could have a Jimmy John's lettuce wrap whenever I want with nothing holding me back.

In order to gain control of our lives and our destiny, we must tell a different story about our situations. A story that tells of gratefulness, excitement, faith in ourselves and those around us, faith that we will be taken care of, and neverending hope.

I want to start telling a different story. Do you?

Swim lessons...

2010-07-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

So, I had to skip Money Monday again this week. My son started swim lessons yesterday, plus I am busy getting ready for my sister's baby shower this weekend, and getting my own nursery ready for Harry!

Swim lessons...hmmm...what do I say about swim lessons? It is an hour EVERYDAY for a week, which to me is overkill. I wish it was every OTHER day for two weeks. Yesterday, my son did awesome. He loved every minute of it, he didn't cry, he smiled, he laughed, he practiced. He had a great time and was in the best mood the rest of the day.

Today? Not so much. He cried almost the entire hour. Not because he was afraid, but because he wanted to get out of the pool in the middle of his lesson and run around. There are about 10 -15 other kids in his class and almost all of them break into tears at some point, but Max's tears just wouldn't let up today.

At the beginning of the lesson, the instructor had the little ones practice getting in and out of the pool. Well, once Max was out, he just wanted to stay out and that is where the trouble began. He cried the rest of the time. He cried through kick board practice. He cried through dog paddle practice, through back floating practice. I was exhausted by the end from trying to distract him and keep the tears at bay. And I am waaay too pregnant to be able to climb out of the pool and chase after him. I'd never make it out of the water!

If the instructor has the kids practice getting in and out of the pool everyday, this is going to be one. long. week.

I will have pictures up by the end of the week of his swim lessons - they may be of one very upset little boy, but I'll have pictures!

It was a birthday party!

2010-07-15T06:02:00.000-07:00

So, I've been meaning to write this post for a week! My mother's birthday was last week and we had a small get together at her house!

She got out the baby pool for my son - she and my husband played with Max in the water while my aunt grilled chicken and ears of corn and I sat my pregnant bootie on the porch swing and watched everyone else work and entertain my son!

This is my mom with her grandson, Max!

This is my aunt Brenda, my mom's sister, posing Max for the camera

This is my favorite picture of my mom. She is having so much fun with Max and I think she looks beautiful! She plays with him for hours at a time - Max is so blessed to have a grandma who will play with him and she is just ten minutes away!

Max loves his baby pool! But, he loves the water hose even more!

Thank you, Mom, for being such a wonderful grandma! We love you and again, Happy Birthday!

If you want to find out more about my mom, Janie B., she has her own blog. Click here to check it out!

Conjunctivitis and Rice Krispies

2010-07-13T12:58:00.000-07:00

So, my son woke up this morning with his left eye red, puffy, and crusted shut. The little darling didn't even act like he noticed. He was in such a good mood when he woke up that he didn't seem to care that his eye was glued shut. He just ran around the house laughing like a maniac while I chased him with a warm washcloth and desperately tried to clean out his eye.

I called the doctor and got an appointment for 11:40 am.

We still had a few hours to kill before his appointment, so I put him in his highchair for breakfast. He ate a piece of toast, a banana, but still wanted more to eat. So, I gave him a chocolate gluten-free version of Rice Krispies called Koala Crisps. They taste just like Cocoa Krispies, but are made by EnviroKidz Organic and are gluten-free. I love them!

I left him eating his Koala Crisps and went into the kitchen to make my breakfast. When I returned to the table to eat with him, I found him stuffing his ears with Krispies! I had to dig one out of his left ear. Thank goodness they are brown - if it was rice instead of cocoa, I may not have been able to see it!

Of course, after that, he thought it was hilarious! He later tried to stuff some french fries in his ears at lunchtime.

At his doctor's appointment later this morning, after waiting in the waiting room for an hour and 10 minutes!!, the doctor said he has conjunctivitis. He went to my nephew's birthday party this weekend, so that is probably where he picked it up. We have to give him drops in his eyes THREE times a day! It is a daily battle to even brush my son's teeth - I have no idea how we are going to give him eye drops!

I was so proud of him, though. An hour and 10 minutes is a loooooong time for a toddler to wait at a doctor's office. He didn't cry, he didn't act up, he didn't throw any fits...he just played with toys, ate his snacks, drank his milk, and watched videos of The Fresh Beat Band and The Upside Down Show on YouTube on my cell phone.

He started to get goofy toward the end because it was already past his nap time, so he banged on some windows and did some sumersaults in the middle of the waiting room, but come on...really...how long can a toddler be expected to wait?? I thought he was amazing! On the way home, I stopped and bought him some chocolate milk for a treat. He doesn't get it very often and he loooooves it (naturally)!

I am a very proud mommy today, even if he did try to store food in his ears! He was just being resourceful, right? Wish me luck with the eye drops!

He is on the go! Photos in motion!

Pregnancy Pic

2010-07-12T18:26:00.000-07:00

So, I didn't have enough time to write my Money Monday post today. I didn't have time to finish ANYTHING I started all day long. I spent the day trying to keep my toddler off the dining room table, trying to keep him from throwing toys in the toilet, trying to keep him entertained long enough to do a load of laundry or start the dishwasher, but none of it happened. Ah, well. Just another day in mommytown.

So, instead, here is the pregnancy picture I promised. I am now 30 1/2 weeks. This is the first picture I have taken in this pregnancy. Oops! I took many more with my first, but now I am so busy that I haven't even thought about chronicling this pregnancy in pictures.

Write more soon! Peace!

Another storm...but it's all worth it.

2010-07-10T06:58:00.000-07:00

So, it was another rough parenting day yesterday. If you read my post yesterday, you know it has been two straight days of tears and tantrums. I hate seeing my son so upset. He has been very restless and difficult to please. All he wants to do is everything he isn't supposed to...like play with the computer ink after being told not to until he has it all over his hands...or play in the water from the sink faucet for thirty minutes, four times a day...or pound on the computer screen...or hit the dogs...or dump his crackers out on the couch...or shove as much toilet paper as he can into the toilet...or...

My son is my world and if he is upset, then I'm upset. I don't know how to separate our two emotional states. I try to remain calm and not take on his tears, but I find it almost impossible. When he smiles, I am grinning from ear to ear. When he cries, I am hurting on the inside like someone is twisting a knife in my chest.

Last night, after another rough day, he went to bed at his normal bedtime. But this time, he cried so hard. This is very unusual for him. He doesn't normally cry at bedtime. He has always been easy to put down for naps and nighttime. He cried for 45 minutes!

My husband and I don't agree with the just-let-them-cry-until-they-pass-out method, so I went in every few minutes to check on him and comfort him. It was killing me to hear him so upset. I rocked him, I kissed him, I hugged him. The third time I went in, the floor in front of his crib was soaking wet from his tears!! Talk about a knife in the chest!

After the fourth time I checked on him, he finally fell asleep. And as soon as I realized that he was sleeping, I broke down into the tears I had been wanting to cry all day. I cried from relief for him and myself, from exhaustion, and of course, like every mother, from guilt. Guilt that I hadn't been a good enough mother to keep him from having his meltdowns the past two days, guilt that I hadn't been creative enough to keep him entertained, guilt from wishing I could have an afternoon to myself, guilt for being aggravated, guilt for not being one of those mothers who can remain soft spoken and calm, guilt for every little damn thing.

I've learned that being a mother isn't always a breeze and it isn't always a storm. But it is always worth the tears, the frustration, the stormy days. I wouldn't trade being a mother for the world. My son's existence in this world has shown me a love that is bigger and more unconditional than I ever knew was possible with human beings. My love for him has left me raw and vulnerable. I can't kiss him enough. I can't hug him enough. And even on days like yesterday when I couldn't wait for him to go to bed, I missed him like crazy the minute he fell asleep.

Ah, motherhood. I love you, buddy.

Is it wrong to want to tie your child to the bed? or, Mommy had a bad day!

2010-07-09T11:35:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday was one of those parenting days that are not to be enjoyed, just suffered through and survived.

Max threw so many temper tantrums I thought I must be on Punked or Pranked or some other practical joke TV show.

I think all I did was yell aaaalllll daaaaayyy looooong. If I wasn't yelling at Max to stop pulling my hair or banging his head against the wall when he didn't get his way, then I was yelling at our bull terrier, Meeko, to get out of my way and stop tormenting the rest of us. I don't like yelling. It takes too much energy.

Max threw one tantrum after another, starting with the biggest one when I made him get out of the bathtub yesterday morning because he refused to sit down. He was only taking a bath in the first place because he jumped in the tub and poured out his shampoo all over his legs and shorts before I knew what he was doing. So, I gave him a bath and no matter how much I talked sweetly, then threatened, then yelled, he would not sit down. He has a scar on his chin from falling in the tub a few weeks ago when he refused to sit down. Did he learn from that? Ummm, no.

I told him that if he didn't sit down, he would have to get out (he looooves baths, so that would be a punishment). When he didn't, I made him get out. And boy, that was a tantrum that lasted 10 to 15 to 20 minutes. I lost track of time because my brain was vibrating from all the screaming.

After that, he was just generally unpleasant and mad at me. We had spirited battles of the wills all morning until nap time. And after nap time, it started again.

He climbed on the baby's crib because he was trying to swing from the top of it (it has a canopy), he purposely knocked over stacks of paperwork, the remote basket, a box of colored pencils, he emptied the drawers in the den, he threw his food, he drew on the dining room table with a crayon, he drew on the coffee table with a pencil, he unraveled the toilet paper, he threw things in the dogs' water dish, he threw a tantrum in Toys R Us when it was time to leave. And the child won't even be two until next month!!

We've had four rainy days in a row and I think he has cabin fever, as do I. We are both Leos and the ruling planet of Leos is the sun. And we haven't had any sunshine for four days!! It is getting to both of us. So far, today has been touch-and-go. I've let him win a few battles in order to keep the peace this morning. My husband works both of his jobs today, so I will be alone with our little monkey until bedtime. Please pray for us both. One of us might be getting tied to the bed. And I wouldn't be surprised if it was me.

where a woman shakes her tablecloth

Gourmet Gift Baskets for our Military!

Oh, Dream Weaver, I believe we can reach the morning light, but I'm gonna feel funky the rest of the day

Way to be there, Mom and Dad!

"If it's too LOUD, then you're TOO OLD!" Okay, well then, I've been too old since birth.

Yesterday's Wordless Wednesday

What is that white stuff around your mouth, son?

My Memories Suite Scrapbooking Software Winner!

Harry, Meeko and their ouchie tummies

Kid-free hours. I had some.

Stop the trail of tears, already!

Look at my Scrapped Kids! My Memories Suite Scrapbooking Software Review and Giveaway! Ends 9/27

Look at My Canvas! Easy Canvas Prints Review

Brightly colored crack for kids! Yummy!

Hey, all you bad moms out there! This is for you! (but don't worry. It's okay! - apparently, I'm a bad mom,too)!

CLEAN UP ON AISLE 3 or WHY AM I NOT GETTING PAID FOR THIS???

I know why I'm not drunk. How about you?

Chuck E. Cheese, How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways...

Mr. Grumpy Pants

Motherhood is difficult, no matter how you slice the Xanax

Birfday Farty

Yellow. How you haunt me from the seat of my toilet.

Crazy-making Car Talk

Five Things That Make Me Happy on Paper (Mama Kat's Writing Workshop)

What the H-E-double toothpicks am I doing with two boys?

My Sick (cough, cough) Baby Harry

Raise your hand if you're tired (if I could raise my hand any higher, my arm would fall out of the socket)!

Surprise! It's A Wedding!

I said "fake injury" not "real illness"! Geez, get it right, Universe.

I need a fake injury so I can hide out in the hospital and get some sleep. Any ideas?

We made it five years? You're kidding.

Touche

Wordless Wednesday, but they're never really wordless, are they?

Click!

Mother's Day wears me the heck out!

What's the going rate for a 2 year old these days?

The Starbucks Fairy

I'm. Not. Cool.

I need an interpreter to talk to my husband

That is one serious baby you've got there

Calling All Plastic Surgeons

rEcess!

My pledge to M and H

Luke, I am your father. And I'm in your toilet.

Happy St. Patrick's Day and Happy Potty Day! We are celebrating both around here!

Kids don't forget a promise of sugar in their future

Glasses USA! Save me from an ill-fated lawsuit!

The Joker

I'm already down so you can kick me if you want to

Growing Tree Toys: Nest & Stack Buckets Review! (and it's my first review, so please read and give me lots of compliments)

I'm the Loser Preschool Mom. You know, the one the other moms talk about.

Thank you, Uggs. I have evolved.

"No!"

Actual Recent Conversation with my Husband

Cozy Wordless Wednesday

The Good, the Bad, and the Dirty Ugly

Mother of Pearl.

Thank you, Pia. And good-bye.

*cough, cough* Can I Have a Sick Day, Please? No? I didn't think so.

The Showdown

Turkey Leftovers & a KitchenAid Artisan Stand Mixer Giveaway from 3 Kids and Us!

All Pooped Out

A Bad Day

Some Wins!

So, November's half over and I'm just now posting some Halloween pictures. Oh, and our TV blew up.

I'm An Auntie!

Another giveaway site...check it out!

10 Randoms

A Meeting of the Mommy Kind

The Ethertons: A Great Giveaway Blog

The Boys

My Love Affair with Sweat Pants and The TERRIBLE twos with lots of capital Ts.

Those teeth aren't going to brush themselves...

A Toddler's Tough Adjustment

Wordless Wednesday

Excuse me for my bloggin' absence, but I was having a bloggin' baby!

Ah, the Joy of Toddler Feedings

Letting go of the baby stuff...hello Big Boy!

The first Super Cool Preschool Day

One of those nasty Not-my-proudest-mommy moments.

cough, cough Can I Have a Sick Day, Please? No? I didn't think so.